thoughts on this blog.

I was outside this weekend with the kiddos and started thinking about this blog. I was watching Ainsleigh and laughing for the hundredth time about this hilarious thing she does. As soon as we get outside she starts collecting sticks like a little bird. As fast as she can she starts picking them all up until she has a small bouquet of twigs. Then she wants to take them everywhere with her for the rest of the day- in the car, in the bath- everywhere. Alot of times we ask her to set them down for pictures but occasionally its like where's waldo....finding ainsleigh's twigs in photographs.


Anyways, I wanted to write that out so that years from now- when we are all older and she is grown we can laugh about that. And I have documented the silly little story of ainsleigh and her sticks.


I was thinking....no one cares about that....but I do, and I want it written down. 
And it got me thinking. 
This little space I have created on the internet is special to me.
 I have created incredible bonds. 
Sometimes I have heavy heavy stuff on my heart...like this post when Chris quit his job or this post when we lost our baby or this post when I almost killed Macy on accident. 
Those were heart wrenching moments when I needed my outlet, my writing.


Then I have posts that are just pictures that I want documented like the post where we went to the 4th of july parade. 


And sometimes I like doing photoshoots like this one.


And sometimes I have filler posts. just to get me to my next deep thought.


But I want room for all of it.... the heavy and the light. 


From weeping of thoughts to meeting my baby in heaven to ainsleigh and her sticks.


Thanks for walking this journey with me and my family :).

Caramel Cupcake Recipe

I am so so excited to bring you a recipe again today from Erin of  Sunshine & Carousels. 

I asked her team.up with me on a little project...

since I am not so good in the kitchen/ DIY area and she is AMA.ZING....(not only does she create incredible things but her presentation is BEAUTIFUL), I have asked her to help me out in these areas! Hooray! She is truly an inspiration with all of her creativity...it makes my heart skip! 

So today she is bringing you this fabulous recipe!

*******************

 Ingredients:

1 stick plus one tablespoon of butter- 1 1/3 cups of sugar - 1/4 cup of caramel syrup (store-bought or you can use my homemade recipe here) - 2 eggs- 2 cups plus 1 tablespoon of flour - 2 teaspoons of baking powder - 1/2 teaspoon of salt - 1 cup of milk

Cream your butter and your sugar until light and fluffy. Add eggs to your butter mixture one at a time until well blended. Now slowly beat in your caramel syrup.  In a separate bowl sift your dry ingredients together. Add your milk and flour mixture to your butter and egg mixture alternating each addition. Mix to get a thick consistency.

Fill your cupcake liners 2/3's of the way full and bake at 375 degrees for 18-21 minutes. I frosted my cupcakes with a buttercream and decorated them with gold glitter sprinkles.

Love,
  Erin

girlies and a zoo video!

Chris put together a short little film about our day at the zoo with Ashley, LOVE!!

Remember to scroll down to the bottom to turn the music off first!

And here are some fun girlie pics of our little miss

shoes c/o: Gracious May
headband c/o: Snugars
Molli Doll plus journal c/o: Monster&Me

thoughts.

I was Looking through this old book I read years ago. I honestly rarely have time to read but something was pulling me to look at it --so I did.

"distinction between memorizing a definition of a rose in websters dictionary & actually holding one in your hand..."

Picking a fresh rose, 
with fresh rain droplets on it
pulling it to your face
eyes closed 
and smelling it.... 

Experiencing the rose first hand.

That is different than memorizing the definition of it.

I was thinking about this when it comes to a relationship with God. I mentioned last week entitlement and I was thinking about it again with this. So many of us are still looking to others to fill voids that we should be getting filled by experiencing, truly experiencing, God.

I struggle with being insecure. 

I tend to be a perfectionist when it comes to myself.

But the truth is if I sought my confidence in Him and stopped trying to let other things fill it, it would be so much  better.

Geez. If it were only so easy.

I do think that for us women it's hard. Comparisons are hard.  What we expect of ourselves  is  hard.

Some days I go to bed and feel like a complete failure. 

It usually goes something like this...


wow,
The house is a mess.
My kids ate Eggo waffles for dinner.
I didn't go out of my way to connect with chris.
My heart has been telling me to call a certain friend and I keep ignoring it.
I have so many unanswered emails.
I didnt take the dogs for a walk.
My dreams seem so unreachable today. 
Then it usually leads into this...
You're not pretty enough
Or nice enough
and you stink at house chores and cooking
you.are. nothing.
and nobody could love you.


phew.
talk about being hard on yourself.  


I remember one of the things I took away  from Blog Sugar last year was that  I don't have to do it all. 
It's okay if I am not the best at cooking meals every night, or if my house looks like a toy tornado blew through. 

It sounds so simple but it can be so freeing.

I  think it's hard to not feel like a failure. 
Atleast for some of us.
I think it's hard to not make Chris or friendships or other things fill my every need. 


I think some days it's hard to remember it's okay.


and....sometimes it's nice to know others feel like this too.

changes!

I could not be more thrilled to show off some changes on the blog today!!! 

I contacted the amazing and talented Lulapalooza Blog designs and told her about some things I wanted  help doing. She is so so lovely to work with and transformed all of my visions to a reality! I have been admiring her style for quite some time and could not be more thrilled with what she did for me! She is going to help out my art website next :).

Make sure to check out all of the new pages because a lot of new info has been added! I have an art page, a FAQs page and all new sponsorships starting in April that are all on here(just to name a few of the new things)! Also, thank you for the sweet notes of encouragement left on here, twitter and facebook for Chris yesterday....it meant a lot to me....more than you could know!

(here are some snippets from the new pages)

168 film trailer.

I talked a lot about Chris entering a film in the 168 film festival this year. I am not allowed to post the film until after it is judged but I get to post the trailer today... it's a taste of all the work he put into it!!

This year he wrote, cast, edited and directed the film all himself. I could not be more proud of the work he does. Each group gets a bible verse that they have to write their film around- this is what his verse was:

Luke 21:16-19

"You will be betrayed even by parents, brothers and sisters, relatives and friends, and they will put some of you to death. Everyone will hate you because of me. But not a hair of your head will perish. Stand firm, and you will win life."

Then he had 168 hours to create the entire film. 

Make sure to scroll down to the bottom and turn off the playlist before you hit play!

zoo day.

With Ashley in town with us we decided it would be fun to go to the Dallas zoo with her and the kiddos! We had an absolute blast! Aiden's favorite was feeding the giraffes and Ainsleigh loved the slides :). One giraffe literally ate lettuce from Aiden's hand....we ate pizza and enjoyed this beautiful weather, it was fabulous :).