my world.

October 10, 2017

Today I was telling a dear friend, as tears began to well up in my eyes and my voice began to shake....
every night when my kids are asleep or early in the morning when I sneak in to wake them up and they are just laying there quiet and soft....

I look at them.... I think about how much I deeply, deeply love them and adore them. How I would do anything in the world for them...I'd do anything to protect them, fight for them....

how I want to be the best for them....

Every time my mind begins down this path I begin to pray for their future spouses...that they would love them with this much weight and intensity. That they will be slow to anger and tender with them.

That they will protect them, fight for them, love them with all their hearts. That they will run along side them as they step out into their purposes and that they will lay there in the night staring at them thinking, I cant believe he/she is mine.

That they know I have no greater gift on this earth to hand over to them, than these precious precious people. That every single day they know the weight of this beautiful gift. 

our Hope when it Hurts.

October 04, 2017

When I shared our story about what was going on with Aiden, I did so finally because I was at a point where I realized "okay this hasn't ended, this is not ending up the way that I had thought"....we are still here in the midst of it. And there is beauty in letting people into your circumstances, into the trenches with you as you walk through hard things.

This is my baby.
I can't even put into words how many nights I have cried myself to sleep. This is the baby I thought I could spare from broken hearts and protect from pain ( I realize I can't but you get the idea) and even though I have struggled for years with open hands, this was a whole new playing field.

It's watching your child hurt day after day after day. 

Chris sent me this post this morning and it took my breath away. There was a night back last spring where My dad, Chris' brother and a few men from our church prayed over Aiden.
Wept, cried out.
That night will forever impact my heart and I know it will forever impact Aiden's.

To see your own father, uncle, grandfather and fathers of friends of yours literally weep and cry out to the Lord over you, there is no way it couldn't do something powerful in him. 

 "That night I saw the power of the gospel at work in my little daughter’s heart through the pain I longed to free her from. Even though she may only grasp it at a surface level, it was a powerful image for my own heart — reminding me how Christ takes our grief, questions, and pain, and infuses life into what would otherwise be hopelessness." 

 Aiden has had so many similar conversations with me. 
And as I see him be courageous and walk roads I would never have picked for him, I do see God at work in a mighty way deep down in Aiden's heart.
and forever in mine too. 

 "If we get stuck in the cycle of asking “why” and refuse to surrender and humble ourselves under a God who we won’t always understand, then we will find ourselves trapped in the miserable pit of despair. But if we ask Christ to help us bring our grief to the cross we will be able to rest in faith that God is who he says he is and that he will be faithful to his promises."

I want to ask why. I want to cry and beg Him to fix it and for Him to take it from Aiden and give it to me. There are moments I feel helpless.

Then I remember, open hands. 


October 02, 2017

I have been wearing my David Kind glasses for YEARS, I am completely in love.....I actually lost my glasses a few weeks ago and reached out to them so that I could purchase another pair. And even a back-up pair...that is how much I love! 

I seriously can only wear theirs and this particular style. They were so kind to help me out and got me set up again! 

When I discovered David Kind I was elated!!

First I just uploaded a headshot and an expert eyewear stylist chose six different frames that were right for my face shape & personal style and then sent them to me with a return shipping label included. I also mentioned that I liked a more "square" look when talking to the stylist!

The glasses arrived and were all absolutely gorgeous. They came in a stylish cork box with a mirror so I could try them all from home and choose my favorite. I found a pair that I love and next will just email my “stylist” with my prescription info, send the glasses back in the same box they came in, and then just wait to get my new pair in the mail- eeek! It was all so easy & amazing!

I love them and would sincerely recommend this process to anyone! They give you the unique opportunity to get virtually styled into a pair of adorable glasses right in your home. Amazing! This is a really amazing new option/ experience and I am so honored to share them today! 

"David Kind is a direct to consumer eyewear company that offers luxury quality eyewear with an optician service — a better online experience. The team has a combined 20 years of optical expertise and the founder had worked for Oliver Peoples and Paul Smith Spectacles previously. You would work directly with an expert stylist/optician to curate the best selection for you to try on at home"


Full Disclosure: This post was sponsored by David Kind, though all opinions expressed are my own.

Ains Party day in pics.

September 19, 2017

a new home.

September 18, 2017

Fun Secret. We are moving!! 

I literally can't sleep at night bc my mind is spinning with ideas, creativity in full force. Each kiddo gets a room which will be a change for us! Right now Addie doesn't have a room (crib is with us) and the girls share a room. And while this was perfect for a dozen reasons in this season, I'm so excited for this new season to come . 

Cried today thanking our Landlord who took a big chance on us moving in this house we are in 3 years ago. We literally put together a slideshow to "pitch" our freelance ways and how we'd never miss a payment. He took a risk and im forever grateful. 

So much redemption and change has happened since living here. We had our rainbow babe. Our life went in a new direction we never imagined work wise and a lot of broken pieces of our hearts got pieced back together. 

It's hard to walk away from a place where you were made whole again but thankful to leave on such a sweet note.


September 15, 2017

Ainsleigh Kate. 
On September 16, 6 lbs 7 changed my life forever.

My first daughter. A baby girl.

Your precious contagious kind spirit is literally so special.  

Literally every single morning I wake up with this sweet sunshine by me..... and with out fail every morning she wakes me up to something sweeter than I could imagine. I'm always barely opening an eye/ still half asleep and day after day she's inches from me, squished up real close "Mama? You awake? Mama I love you, you are my heart. "

I got an email about her last week that said " I love your little girl, she has such a sweet innocence about her that grabs a hold of my heart." 

I can't believe she will be seven tomorrow. My heart might just burst

 I will never forget the moment you were placed in my arms. My hands shook as I looked into your clear blue eyes and kissed your tiny button nose.  You smelled like an angel and have been a ball of light ever since that day. 

You were everything from the first moments. 

You are my little light, you light up every room and touch every life that you meet. 

You are my sunshines girl, you are adventurous and independent. Your personality is infectious sweet Ains. I told you this week how much I will miss someday braiding your beautiful hair every morning and you said, " mama! its ok! you can braid it even when Im grown up!"

You're sweet and funny, creative, musical, talented and kind. 

I tell you this all the time, but you are everything I always wished I could be- confident and brave. 
Thank you for being you, for filling a hole in my heart that I never knew existed. 

I am the luckiest,
love, mama

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