panic

May 27, 2010

Last night wasn't really different than any other night, but in the midst of Aiden, Chris, the dogs & I spending time together....in the middle of a "moment" where everything seems so perfect....my precious little boy laughing, daddy home, baby Ainsleigh kicking, dogs playing....I had this overwhelming rush of panic. Would I be okay if something happened to them? I know I shouldn't think this way but my heart is SO overflowing with love for both my boys that in certain moments it almost brings on fear. Am I strong enough to handle anything? Is my faith unshakable?

I am such an emotional person and base so much on love & feelings.... " am I taking this all in? we all know that it can be gone in an instant, we are not promised a tomorrow..."

My husband has given me more in a marriage than I knew was possible...such constant, selfless love. He has made me better in a zillion ways. I tell him all the time that he has made all my dreams come true...and that is truly and understatement. I don't deserve him, not even for a day & yet he loves me so unconditionally & perfectly.

Being a mom has given a meaning to my life that I didn't know was possible. I can only hope that I will be lucky enough to have 4 or 5 of these precious little angels to keep changing my world forever. Constantly giving over my fear when it comes to my kids will probably be a life battle. I don't even know them all yet but I know I would give any of them anything.

Today I feel blessed & thankful for the love in my life.




3 comments:

  1. What a sweet post Casey! I think every Momma battles fear from the day they first learn they are pregnant! And the reason we fear is because we LOVE so intensely and SO MUCH! I am right there with you! I find that I continually have to remind myself that God is very clear to tell us that He does not give us a spirit of fear! So when we have that we know where it is comin' from and we need to send it right back! :)

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  2. I think it is so hard to love with our hands open. Great post. I am so reassured by our hope that is in heaven that nothing can separate us from the love of our God and his perfect love casts out all our fear!

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  3. I think it is so hard to love with our hands open. Great post. I am so reassured by our hope that is in heaven that nothing can separate us from the love of our God and his perfect love casts out all our fear!

    ReplyDelete