I have decided to embark on a small journey. Please someone hold me accountable to it. I have started the Esther biblestudy with an amazing group of girls and with that journey of learning & change I am also going to try and re-read my all time favorite book, A Beautiful Offering by Angela Thomas. I want to blog about what is going on in my heart and mind chapter by chapter so that at the end of this small journey I have documentation of quotes that stand out to me and thoughts along the way.

So here I begin…the first chapter is called Broken. How appropriate. This summer has been that a summer of brokenness and learning. With that much change & peace.

“How can I return Your love with my life?’

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 5:3

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted & saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18

I blogged about this before but suffering is a blessing. It makes us better. I believe that in our sufferings and in our brokenness we slowly start to become who God intends us to be.

“God wants you to know that when everything else is gone, that makes more room for Him and every time there is more room for Him, you are blessed.”

This next quote I absolutely love….how bad do I hope that I can learn to live this way… I desire this with every bit of my being. I want my children to see this in me and learn to live this way. I want them to hold things loosely, love big, be merciful and give much.

“When a woman has a kingdom heart, she has an active understanding of what matters most to the heart of God. She energetically pursues Him with every piece of her being. She lives in the balance of passion and contentment. She learns to love well, give without regard to self & forgive without hesitation. The woman with a kingdom heart may have a duffel bag full of possessions or enough treasures to fill a mansion, but she has learned to hold them with an open hand.”

I spent time with an amazing girl this morning. She is beautiful and talented and has quite a story. She has love & compassion in her eyes. She views parenting the way I do. Love your babies well, snuggle them, dont make them cry alone, nurture them, teach them with a gentleness of spirit, help them appreciate kindness, tenderness. I came away refreshed. Peaceful.

In the midst of emotional brokenness, financial hurricanes and a season of change & learning… I am also learning that it is OKAY that I have chosen to parent Aiden in a way that is different than, at times, the norm. If your baby needs milk in the night: I believe a mama knows best…meet their needs. Use discernment, but you know best.

I also am learning how to love my husband better. In a way he needs. I run from confrontation, avoid being vocal, cringe at hurting people I love. But sometimes to defend those closest to us we must, for a short season, take a step back and relearn. I value what Jesus values, so I must be obedient when I believe He is calling me to make tough choices.

“We take the narrow path every time we choose to respond to the Holy Spirit in obedience.”

Lots of scattered thoughts. Thankful for Jesus and thankful that I have learned to look at my life through His value system, not that of the world. I am rich and blessed.