"on your heart" friday link up, (a little early)

April 21, 2011

 marriage. 
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"He restores what has been broken & heals what has been wounded. I don't have peace because I figured it all out. I have peace because I believe in Christ."

When I met Chris when I was 22 years old, I fell in love with him fast. A good looking guy, charming, talented at everything, creative...Godly....he wants to marry ....me?!? Sign me up!!!

I took my vows on June 16 and can honestly say that I signed up for marriage with absolutely no idea what the true purpose of it was/is. I went in with the wrong attitude.

I was entitled, thought I deserved to be loved a certain way (okay I maybe still sometimes have to fight that)....I thought that it was every.day with the love of your life, candlelit gazebos and 100% pure romance and happiness. Beautiful babies, a perfect home, no problems....
life as perfection.

Actually it is that in a lot of ways. 
But there was also a lot of naivety on my part.

Chris & I have had some messy patches. Who hasn't? Everyone's look different. Once you realize that the point of this "marriage thing" isn't really about me and what I can get out of it things start to change. It's about making me a BETTER me....and strengthening my relationship with Jesus. By loving Chris when it is hard to love him (and him doing the same), that helps me/him in the heavenly perspective/ long term outcome of this whole deal.

Marriage is a CHOICE.

It's not just a one time choice. It's a wake up every morning choice.

"You must crucify your selfishness."

Today I will be selfless, have zero expectations, love well....be slow to judge, choose forgiveness and laugh things off.

Then wake up and do it all over again.

Okay & let's be honest what girl out there doesn't want to feel special.....feel beautiful, unique.... cherished.

My guess is that after being married for awhile, after birthing children in front of these guys, having bad days in front of them, being sick in front of them...and the list goes on.... they look at us .....
well, not like they did on our second date.

This was really sad to me.

I want Chris to look at me everyday like it's the first time.

The truth is though he has given me the world. 
He loves me very well.
He has made all my dreams come true...
and whether we both make mistakes...for better or for worse...
I CHOOSE him.

“I found there was a tremendous amount of immaturity within me that my marriage directly confronted. The key was that I had to change my view of marriage. If the purpose of marriage was simply to enjoy an infatuation and make me ‘happy,’ then I’d have to get a ‘new’ marriage every two or three years. But if I really wanted to see God transform me from the inside out, I’d need to concentrate on changing myself rather than on changing my spouse. In fact, you might even say, the more difficult my spouse proved to be, the more opportunity I’d have to grow."


Going through life with this person makes us better. It molds us if we allow it to.  They will look at us differently, but if we are able to see it they probably have more love in their eyes then that second date :). 


I love you cdw. Glad you chose life with me :). 
Im a happy girl.

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23 comments:

  1. LOVE LOVE LOVE this post. Sounds just like my story....

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  2. really loving your weekly linkups - great idea :) Love you bestie!

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  3. "Crucify your selfishness." Whoa.. That's powerful! Love your honesty, as always. Xoxo

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  4. Casey, I stumbled upon your blog from Katie cox's... I was a year older than you in pi phi, but wasnt super involved bc I played soccer as well. Even though I didn't really know you then, I loved finding your blog and reading your thoughts. I LOVE what you just shared about marriage!! So honest and true about god's desires in our role as a wife. Thank you so much for sharing! I can't wait to follow your blog and continue reading!! God is totally speaking through you!

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  5. these words are so true and beautiful! love this post :)

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  6. I feel like this was the perfect thing for me to read tonight. I am not married yet, but have been with my guy (actually for almost 3 years, emotionally for like 5 years) and this particular evening I am beyond frustrated. It's kind of an all-and-everything frustration but it got me super riled up and I felt myself wondering why we're together. But your words remind me; there are times when you have to continue to show love---even if you are upset.
    Thanks darling.
    xxx, ooo

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  7. your are such a beautiful writer with such beautiful insight on life. whoa!
    LOVE!!!

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  8. Just beautiful! And I think this rings true with many women - about how our perspective was all askew as we started our marriages :)

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  9. how have i never been to your blog before? beautiful post.

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  10. i love this post friend! and i love your heart :)

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  11. I absolutely love your post. way to go Casey! i am so grateful that you had the courage to post this and I feel the same way and took my own attitudes into marriage. thank God He is so patient with us!

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  12. I'm getting married in 49 days :) so this is a great message for me to reflect upon. THANK YOU!

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  13. Casey - thanks for the wise words about marriage. I'm not there yet, but I've heard from many married folks that if marriage was about happiness alone they wouldn't be married anymore. My pastor's wife always says it's about making you holy, not making you happy (although there should be some of that too).

    I won't lie - I worry about what marriage might be like.I have a hard enough time being the bride of Christ - how can I be two brides!? Anyways, thanks for letting us in on your journey!

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  14. this is beautiful. i love these words on marriage and keeping Jesus-centered. <3 EverRubyGirl.blogspot.com

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  15. what a beautiful post. love it. SOOO TRUE! love you!

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  16. Wonderful! Some days I want to make my almost 7 year marriage about me and then God reminds me it isn't. Thanks for sharing.

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  17. praying for you, sweet girl! what an amazing season with the lord! xo

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  18. such great stuff on marriage. i love your open heart
    <3

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  19. love love love this post about marriage! Thank you for sharing! {love your pics too...your family is gorgeous!!!} Hope you have a blessed Easter!

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  20. Wow, you have no idea how timely this message is in my life - what a wonderful reminder! Thank you for being so transparent and allowing God to use you to speak into the lives of the ones He loves :)

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  21. I seriously love this post!
    I'm so very late at linking up. I hope its ok!!
    x Stacey

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  22. Casey,
    I just read this post on marriage. wow. I have tears in my eyes. So similar to my experience with marriage in the beginning. Luckily I married the most selfless man on the planet or I would've been in trouble. I still struggle with wanting the truck of roses backed up to my doorstep and him writing me poetry....etc...then I have to remind myself, oh..wait..this goes two ways. It's only taken me 9 yrs. to learn my husbands love language:) thanks for sharing your wisdom! love you!

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