everyday life.

October 24, 2011

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bracelet: rustikchic

I am feeling very full of words at this moment....which lately has been coming and going. I am not too sure where to begin with all that is on my heart.... so, I will start here.


For one reason or another it's been really hard to get to church every Sunday. One reason is that I get sad/worried about leaving the kids in the nursery. ( I know, I know...it's like one hour but it's the truth)

Now, let me take a second to tell you something I believe.
I believe that worship does not just happen on Sunday morning. I believe that it is in every little thing in our every.day life.


How we treat our spouse.
How we react to our kids, even in the stressful moments.
If we make life about "me".
How we treat the waitress or the car that cuts us off.
How we love.
How we forgive.
Everything. These are all opportunities to worship God. To show Jesus to others.


I also believe that being a Christian isn't about the "dos" and "donts" or if you drink or not or cuss or not BUT I DO believe that if you follow God with full abandon...abandon your old self, your old life and let Him live through you...it is a natural overflow- your life changes, in all areas.


Something I have been missing though is Sunday community. It's important, even though I tried to convince myself this was just a season.


Okay, so Sunday evening some friends asked us to go to church with them. We of course wanted to go...I just decided that Aiden would sit with us and that we would drop off Ains in the nursery. I had a whole little bag packed of things Aiden could do during the service.


We arrived 30 minutes early (didn't know how traffic would be) so we decided to walk down and let Ains see the nursery- get her settled. Well we walk in and there is the biggest most beautiful room with every toy you could imagine....then, Aiden sees it. An entire corner of dinosaurs. Huge dinos "biggie dinos"- he screams and runs to them. There truly were probably 25 massive dinosaur toys.


Aiden's love for dinosaurs is the sweetest thing ever. He talks about them all day. He wants to read about them, watch shows about them, play with them- it is everything dinos over here with our little guy.


All that to say he WANTED to stay. It was the first time ever in his life he has wanted to stay and been okay with us going. On top of that, when we came to pick him up he actually cried in the corner with his dinos and didn't want to leave.


I know this story might seem silly. But it game me hope. I was sitting in the service thinking "He knows, He knows every desire of our heart"....


He knows we long to be at a church we love, that our kids love....that they are comfortable at.
I desire for our babies to watch us worship...not just in our everyday life- but on Sunday mornings as well.
He knows we want to move to California.
He knows we want another baby....and a few more after that.
He knows we have dreams...and that we have bills to pay.
He knows our fears.


Then I went on during the service to pray a prayer.... for anyone that I know well or someone I may never know....
I pray for the mamas who have lost (the ones I do know- I listed them all by name).
I pray for the couples who want a baby (I also listed the ones I know each by name)- Lord hear their cries, bless them with the joy of a little one if it be your will.
I pray for the little ones. All the little ones of this world. The ones in healthy, happy homes all the way to the children abandoned or being tortured in sex slavery. They all need you Lord.
I pray for the brokenhearted. That it would not leave us bitter... but that we would let it mold us and change us....and that it would give us the opportunity to show Jesus like never before.
I pray for the women in empty marriages. That you God can be their pursuer. That You can make them experience Your love like many never will.
I pray for the girls in relationships that know they should leave but don't...because they are scared to be alone....so they stay comfortable, yet longing for more.


I pray for them all.


I heard this quote last night and thought I would share..." you may not be able to change the world, but you can change the world for one person."


He hears us.
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105 comments:

  1. You've got me in tears girl! So true. Everything you said. HE KNOWS!

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  2. Thanks for sharing your sweet story! Worship is not just a Sunday morning thing, but it is an invaluable form of community. As someone who runs a children's ministry it is always such a blessing to provide a space that children can enjoy and learn, while letting parents get the time that they need to be a part of a community of believers. I am so glad you found a place where your kids were comfortable.

    I love what you said, "if you follow God with full abandon...abandon your old self, your old life and let him live through you...it is a natural overflow-your life changes, in all areas." I completely agree!

    ♥ Kylee Noelle

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  3. Loved this. Definitely needed to hear this today and be reminded that He really does KNOW. Thank you!

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  4. Casey, this makes me think of Exodus 2:25. God heard the cries of the slaves in Israel and even though their redemption didn't come about for many, many years, God "knew" their suffering and loved them and had a plan to deliver them.

    So glad Aiden got to play with his dinos and you got to be blessed by attending church :)

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  5. What a beautiful post! I'm so glad that you found a church at least while you are in California. You have such a beautiful soul Casey! Thank you for sharing with us so often! Love you!

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  6. Casey! This is such a wonderful post, full of truth! Your heart is so beautiful, and you deffinetly know the same Jesus I know :) Going to church is something I struggle with too..we do church online alot..but I know that communion with other believers is important. Thank you for another beautiful and inspirational post :) ((HUGS))

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  7. You hsave such a big heart. I know I worry about all of those things and pray for them as well. How wonderful that nursery must have been. Glad you could spend time with the Lord. I also do believe that he loves you all the same if you aren't in a church.

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  8. I definitely agree with this. Oftentimes when I tell people I am Christian they assume that this means I follow a whole list of do's and don't and if they don't do the same I will judge them. TOTALLY wrong, being Christian is about giving yourself to God and letting Him fulfill the purpose and plan He has for you.

    Love your blog!

    xoxo
    Petchie
    http://itsallofthelittlethings.blogspot.com/

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  9. I know you were praying for me.
    I can't thank you enough.
    And I can't tell you how much this means to me!
    I'm SOOO glad you were able to go to church & get renewed!! God is SO GOOD.
    I love you, sister.

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  10. I too feel in my heart that worship does not just happen on Sunday's.

    Years ago my god cousins told me that jesus only loves me if I go to church.

    It broke my heart...being told this by people that went to church ALL THE TIME...I really believed what they said: being so young and impressionable I took their word for it.

    It wasn't until I was older that I realized that that wasn't what my heart believed. God loves me if I go to church every Sunday...or if I don't make it too often.

    Your post today struck a chord with me. I loved it. I read what you write and feel myself nodding in agreeance. This was a very refreshing, freeing post.

    Thank you.

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  11. tihs is such an amazing post and soooo true! i always feel like your blog posts come at just the right time for so many of your readers, including myself.
    ps...i'm the same way with my little one. <3

    never stop sharing because you truly touch so many!

    http://livelaughandlovealwaysss.blogspot.com/

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  12. Such sweet words! I hope you get to move to California! I love it here, even with the quirks!

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  13. I read this and thought.
    I am that mama.
    The mama who NEVER went to church because I didn't feel comfortable leaving me kids. But the mama who believes you live with a good heart and trust in karma and giving your all then you don't HAVE TO go to church. I also am the mama who stopped going to the gym for the same reason and now works out at home with a four year old on my back when I can hardly do a pushup alone ;) WE do what we do that feels right. We do it the best we can. That's so awesome he had fun!

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  14. I agree with what you said about worship, Casey. It's all to do with the state of our hearts. I haven't been to church for 3 years but I still love and seek Jesus everyday. I miss church and am praying that God will find me a good one as he knows all my needs! Lovely post!

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  15. putting my kids in the nursery at church has caused me so much anxiety at times because I know my oldest is terrified of going, but my husband and I are worship leaders and there have been times I've had to just go home with the kids.

    The past month my son, who is almost 3, has finally been okay with going. I think he understands now that I will be back for him. but I understand what you mean about God answering even prayers like your kids being okay in the nursery! I'm glad you were able to go :)

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  16. Amen! Hope you and your family find a church home that you love. I remember what it was like when my husband and I were searching for the perfect place to call "home."

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  17. Amen.


    -Yanira
    http://glammom.onsugar.com

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  18. What a BEAUTIFUL post, Casey!! I agree 100% with everything you said!!

    We have gone through the exact same thing with Lexie and Church, so I COMPLETELY understand where you are coming from!!! I want to be involved SO bad, but every time I leave her in the nursery she cries and cries. The last time she cried until she threw up everywhere and they paged us to come get her. I've been scared to try since then!!!!

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  19. I love your blog, so refreshing! My Kade has the same sweet love for dinos, wakes up talking about them and goes to bed with them!! When I need him to blow his nose I use the dino card....blow hard like a dinosaur!!! It works! :)

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  20. Agreed! Wow! God does know everything! Thank you, for this! God even sees what we cannot...for this I am thankful. Thankful, knowing that I have a God that loves me beyond what I really understand or comprhend. You Casey, just reminded me how God really feels about me...not only that how God really feels about EVERYONE....he longs for peace, healing, redemption, grace and LIFE FOR ALL!

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  21. I am a new follower and I can’t even begin to tell you How big of a blessing this post has been. Literally I’m at my work with tears .. I’ve been in a rut for the past weeks and only prayer has been keeping me together. I want so many things .. but it’s not about what I want is all about what God has in Store for me. Feels good to know that I am not alone, and there are others out there who believe in the power of prayer. I’m rambling on .. I know all in all thank you for the post and May God Bless you and answer your prayers!

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  22. Thank you for this reminder, sweet friend. He DOES know. Thank goodness :) Love you so much!! xoxo

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  23. Everyone needs prayer no matter what situation they are in, good or bad. So thank you for remember each one in your prayers. You will be in mine as well! Glad to hear you may have found a church for your growing family.

    xo L.

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  24. this is a beautiful post, so well written it brought a tear to my eye. thank you so much for sharing.
    www.modernsuburbanites.blogspot.com

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  25. I love church. But its easy to let "life" get in the way of wanting to go sometimes.

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  26. Oh my...I'm crying here! What a beautiful post and what a beautiful heart you have. You don't know me but you prayed for me. My hubby and I ache to have children. Thank you for that prayer.

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  27. You've got a true heart for the Lord and it is so wonderful and inspiring to hear. We are currently trying to teach our 1 year old to sit in church with us. She's a wiggle worm, but she's catching on and I"m hopeful =)

    -Sarah
    http://agirlintransit.blogspot.com/

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  28. I love this post. I love your heart for children. It is beautiful. I am so happy that you all were able to experience sweet community and now feel at peace about leaving your babes in the nursery. I know how hard it is to leave a crying baby.
    Thank you for your faithfulness Lord.
    We love you!
    redemptionisbeautiful.blogspot.com

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  29. love this. thanks for the prayers for us out there who are struggling to have what we want so desperately. it helps, we feel it. we just lost our first baby at 24 this month and its so nice to have others who can relate. heavenly father and jesus christ are real, they are always there for us :)

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  30. I am so happy to have found your blog. I struggle with my faith - I did not grow up in christian home, but found christianity by my own terms, and love everything about it. My husband is a christian man who has a faith like no other, a faith i respect and admire - and wish i had. I just don't know how to "follow God with full abandon". Your blog and your faith is inspiring.

    Rai xo
    http://raianashanesedesigns.blogspot.com

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  31. LOVE this Casey! Taitum is 19 months old and she cries EVERY time we drop her off! It is such a struggle for me to leave her there, but I know she is well taken care of and feels the love of Jesus while she is there. I pray with my girls before we go to Sunday school, even if they don't quite understand, it calms momma's heart, and hopefully theirs as well!! :) XOXO!!

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  32. What an awesome sign God gave you with your son loving the nursery right when it was on your heart. My husband and I were having trouble with community at our church as well. We prayed about it and decided we needed to start a small group to do a weekly bible study as well and God provided us the time. On Sundays, we keep our daughter with us during the musical worship and then take her to the nursery when the pastor begins to preach. I think it is important she sees us worship on Sundays also.

    ps It is beautiful out here in Cali!

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  33. I randomly came to this blog and read your post. So comforting. Maybe the words you write even change one random person who comes to your blog. Fantastic.

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  34. I found your blog by accident, but am SO glad that I did. I wasn't expecting to see such a heart felt post about God, but it was a pleasant surprise :)

    Beautifully written.

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  35. This is so sweet. I remember seeing my mom and dad worship in church and outside of church and what an impact it has had on my life. It's so hopeful hearing this for a world that is searching! Thanks for sharing!

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  36. I recently got addicted to blogs especially the ones written by people who have a belief and faith because it's so much better than reading about drama elsewhere. I don't normally comment but I wanted to let you know how absolutely wonderful this is and how true it is. I'm literally in tears sitting at a table at my college because it was so touching. This is exactly what I needed to hear to cheer me up, even though it wasn't directed to me, because I've been a little down lately.

    I just wanted to thank you for expressing how you feel because there's so many of us out there who find it a little difficult and just knowing there is someone else battling the same things as us is all we need. Thank you so much.

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  37. Casey, your writing is always beautiful! You brought tears to my eyes. I too struggle to go to church at times. Lately it has been after I had my miscarriage last month. If my husband can't go with me due to his work schedule I feel like I "can't" go alone, though I know I am not alone there. My dear friend Heather was able to go with me once and it meant the world to me. I have a friend that had a miscarriage a couple years ago and her rainbow baby this past February. This summer she found out she has thyroid cancer and this past week that she is going blind. She needs radiation for the cancer and surgery to try to save her eyes. She wants another baby before the radiation but was told if she does she will for sure go blind. She isn't able to go to church on Wednesdays when we have classes. I told her I could come to her house and we could study together. The bible says "For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them." Matthew 18:20. I believe too that worship isn't just Sunday. It is every day and every aspect of our lives. Thank you for writing. I pray that you will be able to have the babies that you want and that God may comfort you. :)

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  38. You are a beautiful soul!!!! Keep dreaming girl because God wants to give us MORE than all we ask or imagine!

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  39. I totally agree with you about worshiping God. Every choice we make either glorifies him or not. I admit, it's hard for me to keep this in mind during the week when I'm home, but it's so important. Thanks for the reminder.

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  40. We feel the exact same way about church, although we love to go to worship when we can...worship SHOULD happen all day every day in our very homes...well said!

    And I pray that all your prayers are answered friend :)

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  41. I love the glasses that you have a juice in on the left side of blog w/ link for recipes. where did u get those?

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  42. This post was amazing! Thank you for sharing your heart! You bless me!

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  43. So beautiful Case! You make me smile and I SO needed to hear this post today.... :)

    Thank you!

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  44. Oh I just love your blog. You are so natural and so fresh. Thank you for sharing your heart and your family with us. Please know that you are making a difference in every story that you tell.

    God Bless!

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  45. Romans 12:1 - Worship is everyday. It's life. It's living. And sacrificing.

    So glad He provided for your (emotional) needs. He's so gracious!

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  46. that is really beautiful. I love the way you write. if you move back to CA.. im going HOME too. i love Texas.... but gosh i miss the ocean!

    Xo. and your sweater? where did you get that ? gorgeous!

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  47. Beautiful thoughts. I'm in total agreement!

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  48. this is really beautiful, casey

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  49. Casey you have a wonderful way with words. I admire you. I work in our churches nursery every Sunday and I know parents are nervous about leaving their babies for awhile. But in reverse, I love it! I have no kids, and I want them, so I love being able to give back in that way. I'm so glad your babies were able to stay without you. Thanks for sharing.

    PS I love the color of your pants. amazing! I've been looking for them everywhere! where did you find them?!

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  50. This post touched my heart on the exact issues that I've been dealing with. But reading those words "HE knows" really pierced my heart. :)

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  51. I love this Casey.
    I feel as though we are on the same page with alot of things and thoughts.
    Your words hit home for me tonight.
    I thank you.
    I hope you have a great week chica!
    Love, Jacqui
    www.babyboybakery.com

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  52. thank you for the awesome reminders. And the sweet stories of how you get to those places with the Lord so that you can share. I wonder if or when I can find another church. I miss going and miss not being distracted by my babies. I want them to learn to worship as well. God bless!

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  53. You are such a good and beautiful person inside and outside!

    Love the last picture, your son looks so cute.

    x Mandy

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  54. I love this! thank you for this post!! Luv your heart oh so much!!!

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  55. i love this. and this is true.. :) just pray for all of them. When i was in the bus, i look a people around me. then i consider one simple things like this , do we ever think to pray for all people we met? just a simple prayer " God bless them." :)

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  56. it is so beautiful, Casey. I'm total agreement every words you said. Thank you for sharing with us ♥

    Bless Aiden.

    Much loves, Sacha

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  57. I am so glad you were all able to enjoy church. We are crazy blessed with an AMAZING church family. It truly does feel like family and I know Ben, my son, feels that way. He is so excited to go and play on the swings or with the dinosaurs or the puzzles. He often mentions our church family in his prayers. He has been in the nursery since he was only days old and has loved every second of it.

    The church loves him too. I can't count the number of people who shake his hand or give him a high five. Finding a church family that loves Ben so much is such a blessing. I pray that you and your family can find a place like this to love on you all.

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  58. Beautiful post, Casey! We've been going to a new church since July and it's been difficult to make real friends. Despite hanging out and helping with events to meet more people, I don't feel like I have true community there and it's hard. Thank you for these reminders...HE KNOWS is right on!

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  59. Casey, We just went through a similar situation. I couldn't make it through church with my wiggly 2 year old. I missed going. We tried again two weeks ago and made it all the way through the service! This season taught me to find ways to worship all day. A lesson I'll treasure always.
    It's so nice to hear you thinking/praying the same things... Thank you for this post!
    <3

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  60. Praise God that He knows us SO deeply and knows every little detail about us!
    I am SO glad you were able to enjoy church and worship there :)

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  61. Wonderful post! Praying for you and your beautiful family as well.

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  62. Your faith is an inspiration to me. Thank you for sharing it.

    PS ~ I made the banana cupcakes with the peanut butter icing yesterday and they were wonderful! The icing is a new favorite in our house.

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  63. This is beautiful. I'm so glad I'm not the only one that dreads dropping off our little guy. What a beautiful prayer...He does know. What a wonderful reminder.

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  64. Thank you for this post! I hope you don't mind- I am linking it to my blog today. I feel people need to hear this and I could not have said it better! Love coming over to your little neck of the woods daily- its a very inspirational place. So, thank you , Casey, for being so honest and so true!

    http://theburnettlife.blogspot.com

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  65. I often think about and pray for people that go through struggles throughout their lives, even if I dont know them. This post was a great reminder that no matter what people go through He knows and will take care of them.Just gives me such a relieved feeling to know this. Thank you for sharing!!!

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  66. You don't even know how much this gets to me... how much this post is so me. Thanks for sharing your heart! I appreciate it!

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  67. Thank you for sharing! What a great reminder!

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  68. Beautiful. Thank you for once again sharing your thoughts that hit home for so many:)

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  69. So beautiful and so bold of you to post this! Everyone reading this was prayed for - in one way or another. Thank you for your showing your readers that God is always there, giving us what we need, even when we dont expect it.

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  70. Your prayers sound a lot like mine. All encompassing! :) You're lovely Casey!

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  71. I hear ya on the nursery thing! Jude was a cry-er...I felt bad leaving him/ having the teacher deal with him :( I made "church bags" filled with books, maybe a new little toy, oil pastels & paper...lots and lots of stickers, and some type of candy. He only gets to play with the "church bag" on Sunday and he only gets it after worship...he loves it and is quiet the whole time :)Then the last 15 mins or so I pull up toy story on you tube for him to watch ( no volume...lol) It is just a short time until they are ready to go...especially kiddos that are NOT in daycare...they don't really understand.

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  72. Thank you for sharing this! We are currently searching for a new church home because we have recently moved states. Our youngest, 18months, hates going to the nursery so it has been rather difficult. It is good to be reminded that God does know the desires of our hearts AND He knows what is best for us, which is even better. It has been very difficult for us to find a church where all five of us feel comfortable and connected to God. I hope we find that soon as we thrive on the service we are able to give through the church environment.

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  73. I agree. I know that worship is a matter of the heart. He says that true worshippers "worship in spirit and in truth" I always forget what chapter of John that is in. 4?? But I think the heart behind everything we do is what convicts and allows us to see Christ and hear and sense his desires. Your words are very true sister. Your so beautiful and it is Christ in you that makes you so beautiful :).

    ♥cheche

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  74. this is precious hun! God is faithful. AND you look smokin' in those pics. i want that sweater ; )

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  75. Amen, sista! Thanks for sharing :D Thank You Jesus that You can work through a corner of dinos to encourage/teach us...

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  76. Your post hit my heart like a ton of bricks. Like god himself was trying to say something to me. You have such a gift Casey. And, your babies are so lucky to have a mom that is warm hearted and loving. I don't think you quite realize how blessed people are to have you in their lives. In person and in the blogging world.

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  77. Casey, this post really really touched me. You and I are the sssme kind of mamas. Sensitive, loving, giving everything for our babies and never wanting to be without them. I totoally understand and it;s not silly or crazy AT ALL. I cry my eyes out if I ever have to leave mine and still really haven't for more than a couple hours. I completely understand!

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  78. Sounds to me like you just got your prayers answered!

    Off the subject, but I love the wedge shoes.

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  79. That was truly beautiful ! You have a beautiful soul :)

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  80. You have no idea how much of a blessing you have been in my life, especially lately! I just felt like you should know that you have not only helped me in my walk with Christ but also my day to day attitude and overall happiness. You have a gift Casey, so many gifts actually. Your word hit home every time. I have begun to pray for you and your family :) You deserve all the desires of your heart!
    Keep doing your thing!
    All my love,
    Sam

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  81. This was so beautiful and so timely too, my friend and I walk our boys to the bus stop together every morning and always have a good chat on the way back and todays chat was very much like your post. Then I came in the house and pinned something that brought me to your blog and it was as if you finished the conversation for us! Thank you! t. xoxo

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  82. Just wanted you to know what an inspiration you are. You never complain about your kids which I find amazing. I have a 2 1/2 yr old boy and 16 month old girl and sometimes the days get long waiting for daddy to get home from work! you've inspired me to have more patience and enjoy the little things with them. We've also had your blog up for hours on end some days lately for a playlist :) When my Bayleigh hears Adele starting she walks to me with her arms out so I'll hold her and dance. You've added some happiness to our lives even though you don't know us :) Thank you

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  83. (Ingrid Michaelson, not Adele) :)

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  84. I just love you and your heart. Thank you girl

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  85. so beautiful and true--He knows and our prayers move His hands!!

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  86. Thank you for this post. I needed that today! Thanks too for the reminder that worship isn't just confined to a church service. With a 3 month old daughter getting to church is rare. XO

    real girl, real body fashion:
    4scarlet.com

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  87. I so related with your post. I agree that you do not need to attend church to experience God. That in our daily interactions we worship with Him. That said I do miss the fellowship from attending church. Our church does have a Sunday school program that my older girls can attend but the baby boy is too young and so I am stuck chasing him in the hallway and don't reap the benefit from attending mass. For now we don't go but I do wish we could attend. That said the older girl will be making her first Holy Communion this year so we do need to start attending again. I just wish that I could truly participate.

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  88. I think the hardest part is "If it be Thy will." I know I've said it in prayer, however; incorporating it into my attitude is so hard. What an amazing post, thank you.

    Oh, and my kids love dinosaurs too :)

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  89. Hi, Casey! I'm new to your blog (only second time here). But I just read this post and it hit me on such a personal level. I, too, have been having a hard time getting myself to church and leaving my 9-month old son in nursery. I've been able to get myself out to Sunday School (and I'm part of an amazing one!) and to a Growth Group during the week. I missed the sense of community and fellowship with other Christians. It's so tough leaving your children in the hands of others though. Serving in the nursery, I never gave a whole lot of thought to it. But after having my own, I'm so reluctant to hand him over to others. It's a work-in-progress for me but I just wanted to say I appreciate you sharing! :)

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  90. I think about this a lot. With the church changing and focusing on transition rather than being perfect, I'm so happy for God's church. Having grown up where it was looking perfect, I'm always trying to re-evaluate myself. 'Is my heart where it should be or is it all for show?' I don't want to be like the pharisees, knowing the word, but not applying it to my heart.

    p.s. I absolutely love your shoes!

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  91. I am new to the blogging world and my sister told me about yours. I was warry and told her "you had better not lead me astray, since Im trusting your blogging judgement!" And I am SO glad she reccommended your blog! I can relate to this post SO much!! I haven't been consistent in church in a couple years out of anxiety of leaving my son (3yrs old) in nursery. Its so true our hearts long to be in church and with fellow believers. I LOVED what you said about how Jesus knows the desires of our hearts- for us and our children to have a church we love! I have craved that connection so much lately! thank you for sharing what was on your heart! Im reminded of the quote "let go, and let God" :)

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  92. Thanks for sharing the truth...from your fears and thoughts as a mother to those of a Christian woman seeking to make a difference in this world. As a new mom, this is very refreshing and inspirational to read! God Bless!

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  93. This is super random, and I've only been reading your blog for about 20 min (Found you through Little Baby Garvin)... but I have not felt so inspired by another human being in so long. And I don't mean "so inspired" by DIY projects, or material objects, but by your soul. From the minute I read your "New Readers Begin Here" link, I have never felt so inspired to just be myself. I'm in the processing of starting a new blog - I started my first one just last year and felt that I was trying to conform too much to the typical blogger, so decided to start fresh, but have been doubting that the "real me" is what readers would really want to read about. But now, I'm so inspired. Sometimes, you read/hear something that hits you at just the right time and I think this is one of those things. Thank you!

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    1. oh my goodness, I dont have the words...this just touched me and blessed me more than you could ever know! truly!!! thank you so much love!!

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