February 09, 2012
blogging can be a funny thing.
It can be amazing, inspiration, helpful, an outlet....it can make you feel less alone in struggles and can make you want to be better.
Sometimes it can do the opposite.
How many times have I said, "wow how does she have time to do that?" or "wow i dont feel that way, should I?"
I have been thinking about this for a few weeks actually.
We are all differenent.
We have different personality types- so surely the way we all view marriage, parenting, motherhood and so on is...... different.
I dont have to feel bad if I don't feel the same way as someone else on the internet or in real life.
I think that is okay.
This is my little space on the internet....a love letter to my babies and husband, a way to document the ups and down of our life journey- I personally choose to make it a positive one.
So many times when i first had aiden I felt like I was swimming up stream. I don't mean in "blog world" but in "real life world"....everyone was pouring out advice that i didnt agree with or feel comfortable with- so I did my own thing. It wasn't until last year I realized how many people in "blog world" actually felt the same as me...and that was nice.
I would say that people need to find their own way.
Just yesterday I was driving and was thinking about if all goes well- we will be snuggling and loving a teeny tiny newborn at the end of the summer. The only 2 hospital experiences I have to compare to are ones where we drive up multiple times a day to sneak in moments with our babies....wrapped in wires, being monitored 24/7. late at night after the nurses make their shift change is normally when we got to have our one time of the day we get to hold the baby.
That skin to skin contact, kangaroo care- set the timer....one hour.
I can still feel them both so little and fragile in my arms.
I can still smell their skin.
I can feel their itty bitty chests breathing up and down.
I will never get that back. and that makes me cry sometimes.
kangaroo kare is an extaordinary thing- both our children had under developed lungs when born and couldnt breathe on their own...but when they were doing kangaroo kare- perfect oxygen levels....amazing.
There are few things in this life that have made me feel more whole or at peace than a teeny baby laying on my chest, nestled up by my neck with the sweetest little tiny lips pursed perfectly while they sleep.
I dont even remember the sleepless nights.
I wouldnt have slept anyways...once we got them home I just stayed up all night staring at them anyways.
And honestly there were nights I wondered if I would ever sleep again.
but here we are now. and I cant wait to do it all over again.