jumbled thoughts.

February 09, 2012


blogging can be a funny thing.

It can be amazing, inspiration, helpful, an outlet....it can make you feel less alone in struggles and can make you want to be better.

Sometimes it can do the opposite.

How many times have I said, "wow how does she have time to do that?" or "wow i dont feel that way, should I?"

I have been thinking about this for a few weeks actually.
We are all differenent.
We have different personality types- so surely the way we all view marriage, parenting, motherhood and so on is...... different. 

I dont have to feel bad if I don't feel the same way as someone else on the internet or in real life. 

I think that is okay.
This is my little space on the internet....a love letter to my babies and husband, a way to document the ups and down of our life journey- I personally choose to make it a positive one.

So many times when i first had aiden I felt like I was swimming up stream. I don't mean in "blog world" but in "real life world"....everyone was pouring out advice that i didnt agree with or feel comfortable with- so I did my own thing. It wasn't until last year I realized how many people in "blog world" actually felt the same as me...and that was nice. 

I would say that people need to find their own way.

Just yesterday I was driving and was thinking about if all goes well- we will be snuggling and loving a teeny tiny newborn at the end of the summer. The only 2 hospital experiences I have to compare to are ones where we drive up multiple times a day to sneak in moments with our babies....wrapped in wires, being monitored 24/7. late at night after the nurses make their shift change is normally when we got to have our one time of the day we get to hold the baby. 
That skin to skin contact, kangaroo care- set the timer....one hour. 
Pure bliss. 
I can still feel them both so little and fragile in my arms.
I can still smell their skin.
I can feel their itty bitty chests breathing up and down.

I will never get that back. and that makes me cry sometimes.

kangaroo kare is an extaordinary thing- both our children had under developed lungs when born and couldnt breathe on their own...but when they were doing kangaroo kare- perfect oxygen levels....amazing.

There are few things in this life that have made me feel more whole or at peace than a teeny baby laying on my chest, nestled up by my neck with the sweetest little tiny lips pursed perfectly while they sleep.

I dont even remember the sleepless nights. 
I wouldnt have slept anyways...once we got them home I just stayed up all night staring at them anyways.

And honestly there were nights I wondered if I would ever sleep again. 
but here we are now. and I cant wait to do it all over again.



  1. Oh Casey, you give me tears every time I read your blog. Happy tears....

  2. I'm so happy that you'll get to experience a teeny tiny baby again! (Lord willing!!)

    I completely understand about going "against the grain" with popular opinion on how to raise my child. What is right for one family definitely doesn't mean it's right for another!!

  3. I love your writing. I love that you're raw and honest, but positive at the same time. You inspire me. Keep going girl :)

  4. So you're saying that I will be able to sleep again someday? Our little Luke is 3 weeks old and I just want to cry sometimes because I am SO tired. Thanks for sharing. It brings me hope, lol.

    Along Abbey Road
    Sprightly So

  5. you are such a beautiful person and soul! this melted my heart. i have a toddler and a 4 week old...and i cant help think of wanting to do it again! nothing better in the world. congrats on your little blessing in your belly!


  6. Its funny that you talk about Kangaroo Care. In Canada, the doctors can tell that the baby is one push away from coming out, the nurses pull down the top of your gown so that they can place your baby right on your naked skin. They also suggest skin to skin when breastfeeding.

  7. So excited for the new baby on the way!!! :). You make beautiful ones so I am all for you having plenty of more just for my viewing pleasure. I can't wait to have my own beautiful babies, I would definitely have pictures of them all over my blog like you do girl. ha ha

    But your kids really are lovely. they have the sweetest disposition about them and there is a love and softness as if they would welcome anyone as friends. We need more kids like that in this dark world. Great job hun.

    Oh and I am in agreement. We are all different and I think that I can often compare myself to other blogs and women and forget the NEED for many different memebers in any organization but especially within the body of Christ. he created us for HIS good pleasure not our own... thanks love


  8. your love for your family is so beautiful. don't let that be taken away from you ever. love you!

  9. Thanks for the honesty, Casey. I love to see that and it inspires me to put myself out there on my blog. Parenting is tough business, and you're right, sometimes blogging makes it harder! It's good to know that I'm not the only one who feels like an underachiever sometimes :-)
    Hannah at www.thrivingthirty.tumblr.com

  10. Awww! These bare your heart type posts are what makes a blog a blog. Sure, DIY & photography posts are amazing but they are shallow compared to opinion posts. They are the posts that bind people together over the Internet.
    So thanks for those kind of posts, Casey :) Love to you & your beautiful family!

  11. Ah, Casey, if you're looking and wondering about someone else, imagine what others are thinking when comparing themselves to you? I know I'm new at this but I've been blogging since July 2011 and only have 42 Followers. Can you imagine how it feels when I see people in the 100's, 1000's, 10,000's? I keep saying it doesn't matter. I don't blog for others, I blog for myself. But, it's still hard and can be a huge confidence blow. xo

  12. snuggling new babies is the best feeling on earth ever! pure Heaven! my first two were healthy, and my 3rd in the Nicu.... so hard, yet so wonderful to finally hold, and touch, and love and embrace that little baby. Hoping both our "summer babies" we are expecting make it quickly to their mama's arms. No tubes, wires, and Nicu's please!

  13. What a great post, I often feel the same way. I do appreciate other people's varied opinions though completely (as long as they are not mean about it!)

  14. I completely agree...nothing like a snug little nugget. MMM... it is the best.

  15. I love hearing about your heart as a mother. It is inspiring to mine.

  16. Thanks for encouraging me to BE REAL. It can be so hard in this blog world that seems to be so "perfect and flawless" all the time. I am a BROKEN christ follower, trying to live one day at a time just like you. I love your blog, it's an inspiration in my walk with Jesus!

    xo. Urban Nester

  17. Hi Casey,

    I'm Heather. I must say that I started reading your blog a bit ago and never expected it to change anything about my life...but God speaks through those you least expect him to...even strangers like you. And he's done it a few times...not so much because of your writing, but because he wanted to show me a few things through your heart.

    Anyways, I don't normally tell people about this because frankly it's a little strange, and not everyone can get into it, but have you read the little book called "Supernatural Childbirth"?http://www.amazon.com/Supernatural-Childbirth-Jackie-Mize/dp/0892747560

    I read it before my third and last baby was born, and my very first homebirth (not to mention my very first ten pound baby at that). It was a book that seemed a bit spacey but got me thinking and praying...and introduced me to the idea of blessings in a practical way...blessing yourself, your baby...etc.

    For what it's worth, your entries about coffee dates are teasers. I would love to sit and pray and talk and learn more about you. One of my favorite things to do is to sit with a cup and listen to the new things God is showing people daily. Well, if you are ever in VA then you're invited here...for coffee...or Dr. Pepper...or whatever you can have at said time. God has good things for you...fear not.

  18. I don't know how it feels in regard to bringing up children but my do I know about everyone having an opinion on my life and particularly my work situation.

    I'm 24 and a stay at home wife, full time blogger, and wannabee photographer. And I know people don't agree.

    But what I think it's our life and works for us. Your decisions are what you think are the best at that time and that is all you can do.

    And son you wil be cuddling your new baby! How exciting!

  19. You are such a wonderful mom! And yes I know how the blogging word feels. Sometimes it is encouraging and at other times awkward. Not sure if you saw my tweet, but my husband has asthma so I know what that is like as well. So happy to hear you are expecting another little one!! She/he is lucky to have you two as parents!!

  20. Praying for baby and all of you! I know what you mean about never getting it back...and I went through the NICU experience with my youngest (now 2), when I finally got him home I didn't sleep. But it was blissful just watching him, seeing him in the crib I had so lovingly prepared and had longed to have him in for soo ling! Love this post :) Link up. Is this link up weekly, btw?

  21. this post got me all excited for the beautiful day it will be when i hear that baby has been born! :) so happy our littles will be close in age. can't wait to experience this with you. you are so amazing and i know that we will not be swimming different ways, but together, in unison... love you. xo

  22. I am so happy for you and your family about your newest family addition! reading this post makes my heart so happy. Prayers for you and your lil ones will be said.

  23. time with our babies is so fleeting...
    savor every . EVERY minute!
    my "babies" are almost 16 years, 13 & just 9...

    hard to believe...

    it doesn't seem that long ago!
    they gRow so super fast.

    i have wanted to freeze time often.

    you casey, are a reminder to me to be gRateful that my "plan" included my three beautiful "babies"...

    how lucky am I to be their momma! i ALWAYS wanted to be a momma...
    2 beautiful boys and my beautiful daughter!

    thank you... i will squeeze them extra hard tonight...


  24. Well said! The way I see it, what I write on my blog relates to what and how I am going through life. Sometimes I think I shouldn't be so honest, and then I will hear from someone who say I put into words exactly how they felt. It is so worth it, though my posts are few and far between!

  25. i'm so glad to read some of your posts (well, i love reading all of them, but some particularly speak to me!). this is one of them. i sometimes feel totally weird in how emotional i am about parker growing up, how i literally can't leave him STILL, how i hardly want him out of my sight even now... i feel like you'd get me :) and it's nice.

    that's all.

  26. Just beautiful casey god bless u with a wonderful fam!!


  27. I know what you mean about never getting those moments back. My son turns 4 (4!!!!) this month. Earlier this month, I cried and cried thinking of when he was a bouncing baby boy with drool on his chin laughing hysterically while mama sang "Wheels on the Bus" for him. I love him just as much now of course, but I wish I could spend an afternoon with him as a baby.

    By the way, you can still do skin-to-skin even if your baby's not early (as you know). I hope you are able to carry full-term this time.

    Love your blog.

  28. you have a way of giving me pure encouragement! I can totally relate to that feeling of wanting to do it all over again, the good and the tough! ;)

    baby snuggles are the best!

  29. I enjoyed my visit to your lovely blog. Blogging is a wonderful way to come together and share. The best part is that we are so different and yet have similar goals. To let our computers be our voice. I love discovering new blogs ( like yours) I will be coming back for more, I'm out newest follower HUGS!!

  30. I absolutely love your blog...you're so positive and inspiring! I leave your blog in absolute awe each and every time!

    much love,

    P.S. I'd love for you to enter my jackpot giveaway...it ends tonight! There's J.Crew, Kate Spade, Anthropologie, & much more! http://simplybold.blogspot.com/2012/01/jackpot-giveaway.html

  31. I definitely know what you mean about blogging. I often find myself trying to keep up with other blogger's styles, but then I find remind myself that I'm depriving other people of MY style when I do that! Thank you for the reminder to stay true to our own personality and style, whether that be in life or in blogging!