March 18, 2012

After college my family went to the vet because my dog was going to be put down. Awful, just awful. This was the only dog I ever had growing up (since I was 9) and losing her was obviously incredibly heart breaking for us. We said our goodbyes and then got in the car to take a long 10 hour drive to pick up my brother from Kanakuk. (a camp we both grew up going to and working at) We stopped about half way there (in the middle of no-where) at a gas station and the only thing they were serving for lunch was sloppy joes.

I was sitting in a gas station in the middle of no where sobbing over a sloppy joe.
It was a low moment. 
Not near the lowest...but a low.

Now years later we sort of laugh about it. About the Oklahoma sloppy joes and crying over them.

Well Friday night I was sobbing over eggrolls and cookies looking through pictures of Aiden for his birthday post. 
Over frozen grocery store spring rolls because my baby is growing before my eyes. It's happening. 
And while I am soaking in every second. 
Smelling every scent, tasting every taste....there is not a thing I can do but enjoy the ride- because it's all passing me by. 
Crying because so much love, so much change, so many memories- just in three years.

So much emotion just bubbling over in my soul.

My first born.
So much learning  and self discovery happened.

Aiden has spent some portion of almost every single night curled up next to Chris and I while he sleeps. 
I have watched every first. 
I have cheered with him and cried with him. 
I have laughed till I couldn't breathe.
I have stared into those big beautiful light blue eyes and gotten lost day after day.
I have cried down the church hallways as I dropped him off for Sunday school and cheered like I won the lottery when he went in the big potty for the first time.
I have stared at him sleeping countless nights and rocked him to sleep any night he'd let me.
I have watched him blossom and change.

All of this and more in just three years.
Aiden, on Thursday you turn three- I could not be more proud that you are mine. 

love, mama


  1. I am totally crying reading this post, thinking about my 2 babies. My youngest turns 1 next month and I can not believe how fast time passes. I love the way you write and appreciate your openness. Thank you.

  2. wow what a beautiful post!! and yes the years do fly by fast and we can only enjoy the ride and try to stay present for every moment:)) Happy birthday to your sweet little boy!

  3. that was beautiful! I teared up reading it. I can relate... I feel the same way about my little girl... she is turning 4 soon and I can't believe it. So much emotion... bitter sweet.

  4. I read a lot of blogs.
    And I love a lot of blogs.
    But there are none I look forward to more than yours.
    I get this sense of peace and sweetness that I can't find anywhere else.

  5. This is so sweet. I was just thinking the other day that soon my little sweet boy wasn't going to like momma kissing him all over his face and hugging him not ever wanting to let him go. Right now I can get away with it, but soon...soon it won't slide with him. But each age comes as a new and beautiful gift, we just have to learn each age to treasure every.moment.

  6. So sweet. And your little and I share a birthday :)
    Xo Dana

  7. Happy birthday to him! This was lovely.

    Et tu, tutu?

  8. This is beautiful Casey. Thank you for the thoughts. He is growing up, but aren't you so glad you have been there for it all? Instead of having to leave them to work? You are such a wonderful momma! Hopefully I will be able to be a fraction of that! Thank you for making me think and giving me a taste of motherhood.

  9. i have these moments too, and jimmy will walk in take one look and walk back out. =)

    i love your heart. love that you notice and feel and pay is amazing and inspiring and your kids will better understand the Love of God through you because of it.


  10. I love your power with words! You make me feel as if I was sitting next to you. Thank you for that! It's one of the many reasons why I love your blog!

  11. Such a beautiful post! My son will be two in April and this about sums up all the love I have for him. You have a gift dear friend

  12. Your subject line SCARED ME!

    I'm the mom of a 9 year old. It's mind boggling. I will look at him and go "Wait. HOW is this possible? How is it that he's MY child? Who is this creature calling me 'mom'?"

    if you can, instead of being sad of what's passed, just think about all the awesome things to come!

    My Aidan just gets cooler and cooler. It's so neat to have conversations with him, to talk about books, to see him develop all these interests and hobbies.

    I might change my tune when he hits the double digits (he'll be 10 this year WHAT IN THE WORLD!), but for now, I'm enjoying everything as it comes.

    That's not to say I don't look at baby pictures of him and wish I could go back for maybe just a few hours.

  13. i feel hundred million trillion percent.

  14. I hear ya! My oldest just turned 5 years old this week...5 YEARS! It's crazy how the time flies and even though you are so much a part of it still are left feeling like you're missing out as well. Everything is "I can do it myself mom" now and even though I'm immensely proud, I want to go back in time and make him stay little. Glad I'm not the only momma :) hugs

  15. this is so beaUtiful girl. He is going to remember the LOVE you sowed into his life more than anything when he grows older... And that love is going to be something that God uses to sculpt him into a man who understands the heart that GOD must have for him even more...

    Your such a beautiful woman. I know I say the same thing every time I comment but I just don't know what else to say. ha ha Be encouraged and I pray GOD blesses and provides for you and your lovely family and that AIDEN feels the love of his family and heavenly FATHER each birthday that passes in your home...


  16. made me cry......and it's 4am and i'm on my way out the door to run 16 you girl

  17. Love this post- it is exactly how I've been feeling about my little man lately {and he is only 10 months}! With his first birthday around the corner- I just wish I knew where the time went. And like you, I am trying to soak it all in while he is still small enough to hold {which I'm sure won't last long either}. Here's to moving forward, loving every minute, and snuggling and kissing our little one...


  18. What a sweet and beautiful post. You are so blessed to have these little ones! The time may go by fast, but you will never forget all of these moments.

  19. read this post in the middle of the night while nursing my little boy. ahhh, he is just two months old but i feel like it is flying by! children are such treasures.

    thank you so much for sharing your heart and reminding me to cherish EVERY moment with my little one.

    happy monday!

  20. Such sweet stories...


  21. what a sweet post. thank you for sharing! my baby boy will be 19 months old the end of this month. so much has happened in these short months, and i know i'll be sharing your feelings with each new month, year, and change.

  22. i know how you feel and my baby boy is only 3 MONTHS! i hope i cherish every moment :)

  23. Beautiful post! Isn't it amazing how much more precious time becomes once you're a mother? I appreciate your openness so much! It's nice to know that I'm not the only sentimental mom who just starts crying out of nowhere whenever I start to think about how quickly my baby's growing up! :)

  24. just happened upon the blog. your munchkins are adorable!

  25. Almost every single time you post something new, I cry. You definitely have a way with words, and a way of bringing your exact emotion into them. I WISH I had your talent, girl!!!

    And happy birthday to Aiden!!

  26. I hear ya! I wrote a very similar post when my baby turned 4 last month.

  27. This post is beautiful(yours always are.) It's funny, I never considered myself an emotional person. Then I had my girls, and no I cry at everything. My Leila turned five at the end of January. It's silly, but I was kind of in a funk over it. Five is SO big. And my baby just turned two. Tears. Lots of tears!

  28. i got chills reading this.

    and yaaaay oklahoma! (not the most flattering shout-out, but i'll take it.)

    my sister worked at kanakuk too :)

  29. you have the most amazing way with words....blessings to you and your sweet family..

  30. this is so sweet...I can't wait to have a family one day. Your family is beautiful!!

  31. It makes me so happy to read about you bursting at the seams with love and joy and heartbreak over your babies. I've been on a journey of reconciling what the world seems to expect and prescribe a mother's emotions to entail, and what my own true ones are and not being afraid to express complete and utter awe at the changing and growing being in our household. Your words feel like a gentle nudge to continue in my own direction. And I appreciate them.

  32. such a sweet post. and what a darling family and beautiful baby boy! i just found your blog via the shine project and i'm thrilled. can't wait to see more. xo

  33. Happy birthday Aiden! My son turned 3 on Wednesday! So fun that they are only a day apart!