a daydream.

April 28, 2012


I have this image in my mind. 

It's an old house, the attic upstairs has been transformed into a huge open studio, the floors sanded smooth for my bare feet to slide across. There is an open window with the early sunlight peering through, curtains blowing through a light breeze. The natural light glimmers through the entire space and bounces off of the white furniture and vintage couch. I have music pumping and my computer screen open. 
Ready to write. 
There are glass bottle everywhere filled with paint brushed and open tubes of fresh oil paint. It's the perfect space. 

My space.

Last night we went to Ben Folds (a concert) and it was fabulous. It reminded me how much art and music touch the depths of my soul. I literally wept in the audience at one point. He sings this song "Gracie" about his little girl. I was imagining that this little girl is far away, tucked into her bed- and somewhere her daddy is up on a stage in front of thousands of people singing about her. 
What a gift. 
I want to give that gift. 
I may not be able to play music or sing or write songs- but you can bet your darndest that my kiddos will have this space as theirs
Long after I am gone they can read through the pages of what they did to my soul. 
How they changed me, how they made me better and added more than I knew they could. 

I want Chris to read about how much I love him. 
I want them all to know- I want them all to own this tiny gift I left for them in this small space on the internet. Filled with pictures and thoughts, filled with tears and stories.

How when Aiden belly laughs something happens deep in my soul, something that I NEVER knew I could feel. Or how he tears up when a slow song comes on- how at age three his tenderness shines through in a way I can't fathom. 

And when Ainsleigh sings and shows those teeth that I always talk about- how I see visions of her and I being best friends for life.

And how I havent even met Apple yet- but how I see a relationshiip between all of "us girls" that is indescribable.

And Chris. How he gave me everything. passion, dreams, love and more.

I am reading Kelle Hampton's book, Bloom. There are like a million quotes I want to share. I love how Kelle talks about motherhood. It is exactly how I feel about it. 
Just this awe that it could be this fun, this amazing. 
I never could relate to the negativity or the frustrations- all of that seems so small to me in comparison to how much life motherhood gives my soul. 
And she expresses that perfectly.

One part she writes, 
" Mothers have multiple hearts- one that beats inside them, rhythmically pumping blood up and down, in and out- and one for every child she welcomes. And while the former of these hearts is brilliantly attached to the body with a labyrinth of nerve connectors that tell it how and when to respond, the latter of these hearts is likewise connected. Your child's sorrows are magnified within you, and you celebrate their joys tenfold."

Cue the tears. 
I couldn't have written it more perfectly. 

And she also writes about her blog. 

" I wanted my kids to be able to know me as a mom of little ones someday. I imagined them reading my stories years later with their own little on their knee and finally getting it- how much I loved them. How full my heart was. My blog would be a legacy. I decided, my own virtual creative diary, a place for me to put it all out there. Photos of my girl, ramblings of my heart, details of every little thing I loved about life. I wanted it to be more than just a scrapbook- I wanted it to be a place full of meaning and beauty, for myself and for my family."

Perfect.
This blog is my "song"...my tribute to those who gave me life.

42 comments:

  1. can i literally fall in love with you anymore?!

    thank you for being such a beautiful soul.

    be blessed tonight, friend.
    xo

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  2. So stinkin' beautiful Casey. You are giving that gift for sure. Your blog is such a beautiful gift, and no doubt will be treasured by your children as they grow up.

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  3. oh my...good post. Between being jealous of Ben Folds and the quotes, you got to me, yet again....BIG thanks!

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  4. This is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing your heart with the rest of us in the blogging world...

    XO Lucy

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  5. So beautiful Casey. You have such a way with words - it's wonderful.

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  6. Love this Casey,
    this is so inspiring to all of us someday to-be mums.
    I can't wait until I can feel this way about my own kids.
    x

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  7. i am addicted to your blog. you are used so mightily by God to share with us your heart. such an encouragement.

    xoxox

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  8. Wow, this was so beautiful. Thank you for sharing your heart! This is a really good reminder for me to not get caught up in the tasks and demands of being a mom, but to really enjoy my husband and my kids and cherish every moment with them. You express yourself in such a genuine way, it makes me want to share my heart more too!

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  9. You are beautiful inside and out! This post is just amazing. Your children will no doubt appreciate the passion and heart you put on display on your blog.

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  10. Oh, I adore Kelle's book! It only gets better. & I love that you dedicate your blog to your children & husband. It is refreshing to hear your honesty & faith.

    ♥, Emily

    freckledfiasco.blogspot.com

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  11. I see a certain pattern in me reading your blog. I've been following you for about 2 or 3 months now and I think I cried 6 times. Which is insane. The way you can touch people with your words. Your children and husband are very blessed with a mom like you.
    Thank you for sharing those beautiful moments in life with us.
    And thank you for making me realize things.
    Much love from Belgium,
    Saar

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  12. beautifully written.

    and Gracie? That song just makes my heart swell every time I hear it. Such a beautiful song.

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  13. Astounding words...your babies are blessed beyond measure. As a mommy, nothing compares to giving your kids a peek inside your heart!
    -Allison

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  14. this is so beautiful Casey. what a gift... this blog for your kids to read years from now.

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  15. This is a beautiful post. Just reading this blog i can tell how great you are and what a fabulous mama you are.

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  16. reading this makes me so anxious to have a baby on this earth to change me everyday as they change. I so wish my Elias was here to do to my soul even more than he's already done, but I further pray that he would have siblings that would do that for him.....such a legacy we can give our babies. Thank you for being a blogger mom who represents the gifts our children are, not the burden that's often portrayed.

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  17. I loved this!! You're such an amazing and inspirational person. And of course, best mother ever!

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  18. Casey, you are such a beautiful soul. Even without knowing you in person it's clear to me, through your writing and your words. Keep up the good work. I am sure your children will feel so loved and cherished. Not only now, but also when they read this later. xx

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  19. Great post. This is why I love your blog and Kelley's blog. I just downloaded her book and can't wait to read it. Thanks for sharing your family with me. Your are awesome

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  20. i knew you'd love ben folds! When I was in college, my best friend passed away from complications from diabetes. He came to our college and did a benefit concert for the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation. It was super amazing. Plus, he's so geeky adorable, you can't help but love him :)

    hope you had a great weekend my dear.

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  21. so, so important to allow every form of creative expression. it's how we leave our mark on the lives of the people we love -- perfectly written. and ben folds sings pretty much all of the songs to my life's soundtrack. 'the luckiest' has been our song since we started dating in high school and was our first dance song at our wedding, and my dad and i learned to foxtrot to 'gracie' for our father/daughter dance. love this post -- you inspire me! xo.

    http://blog.tarapolly.com

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  22. I love that book. I finished it a few weeks ago, and love love loved it.

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  23. I just finished reading Bloom. She is amazing isn't she, the way her heart falls into the words on the page. It came at the most perfect time, when my dear friend had just learned (literally one day before) that her sweet baby had an extra chromosome. I wonder if she knows just how much her words touch people and change them.

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  24. I, too, am a follower of Kelle's blog and I love her take on motherhood. Her words are beautifully written. I found your blog via her blog and I'm very thankful I did. This space will always be treasured by those you love. :) Many blessings!

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  25. this touched my heart tonight - thank you for sharing yours.

    much love,
    elizabeth

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  26. The words in this post just make my heart melt. Seeing the photos of your little ones make my heart leap. Your gifts are in abundance Casey. All around you and surrounding you! I hope you and bebe Apple are doing well...take care of you! xo

    P.S. - I just ordered Bloom and can't wait to get it!!

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  27. Love this and loved Bloom :) Such an amazing book! xoxo

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  28. I want to read this book: it's on my wishlist! Now, I want to read it more. Just check the local library, and it has 6 people on the waiting list in front of me! It may be a while before I get to take a glance at it. Boooo.... =)

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  29. This is SO beautiful. You have a way of taking my thoughts and writing them out beautifully. SO many of us can relate to you. Thank you for sharing your space with us!

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  30. beautiful. absolutely beautiful... xoxo

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  31. I check your blog from time to time and am so glad I read this one! I love your thoughts and the quotes you shared. My favorite thing about this was when you said that you "could never relate to the negativity or frustrations-all of that seems so small to me in comparison to how much life motherhood gives my soul." I feel the same way and sometimes feel a bit weird. I know all my mommy friends like being mommies but I can't always relate to some that struggle with lots of things and are so ready for their kids to be older. I love this time. It is so precious and so fleeting. I want to soak in and treasure every moment, even the ones that require hard sacrifices from me.

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  32. This is beautiful. You write so beautifully.

    Katie

    www.mummydaddyandmemakesthree.co.uk

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  33. This post is so amazingly true. I just keep reading it over and over, I can't get over how beautiful it is.
    xxx

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  34. this is wonderful. I SO GET IT! i want to buy that book and snarf it up. sounds like my cup of tea.
    i am very emotional about my kids and it's very apparent to those around me. someone said, "mindy i just love how in love you are with your kids."
    they are truly the world to me!

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  35. I acutally found your blog from Kelle's site. She is SUCH an inspiration!! I'm also reading her book Bloom and have about 35 pages left!! Great book!! You both are GREAT mothers and you should be proud :)

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  36. I found your blog thru Kelle's! I love her and her writing about motherhood and just life in general. And I am SO happy to have found your blog as well. I get this distinct peaceful feeling when I read your words :)

    ~Jazzmine~

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  37. love Kelle and her book. LOVE. you both inspire me so much.

    thank you for being you.

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  38. that was absolutely moving, thank you.

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