jumbled thoughts.

June 21, 2012


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I have to add an intro to this post! Notice my new blog design?! 
Sweet sweet Kelly Ann just put it up for me and I couldnt post my post without talking about what an AMAZING job she did and how fabulous she was to work with. Quick responses, beautiful design, fantastic vision and creativity. I already hired her for another project because she was such a joy to work with. Above is the mood board she sent me- isnt it incredible?!
It is exactly what I wanted. Yet so much more. 
She is amazing and I really couldn't give a higher recommendation!
LOVE LOVE LOVE her and all the time she puts into every detail!!!

OH and I am so excited to have a "pin it" button now! It will be super easy to pin posts and pictures directly from my blog now!!! 

I wonder how many blog posts I have named "jumbled thoughts".
 I think quite a few.
Usually my thoughts are a bit "everywhere" when I sit down to really write what is on my heart.
So they feel jumbled. and misplaced at times.

First off, THIS is one of the best  articles I have read in awhile. It is with my pastor and whether you are religious or not , in my opinion it's an awesome read. I could not agree more with his thoughts on marriage, his thoughts on parenting, his thoughts on God and living in the now.
It's all really good.

I adore how he talks about knowing his kids and the differences in them and their needs. I love how he talks about  soul shaping his kids and working on their hearts, preparing them. I get a  lot of questions about discipline. I can tell you that we want to be intentional when it comes to shaping our kids hearts. 
Whether it is a "teachable moment" or not... we know they are watching us, our spirits, our reactions, our nature...and being gentle and slow to react is on my mind from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep. 

I fail sometimes. 
I want to teach them how to love and react well. 

And truth be told,  a lot of that is done by them watching.    

On a different subject, when we were in California last year I got a comment from a reader (she might be reading this now) about the loss of her little girl. 
The comment/ her story made me weep. 
It was horrible.
I contacted her and had her tell the story on the blog because it impacted me so much. One of the things she said after she lost her little girl was that she actually wanted her back to smash crackers in the carpet again, that she would give anything to have her back at home making messes. 

I thought of her today.
Picking up toys, cleaning up smashed goldfish crackers from the carpet....how thankful I am to have little precious ones here doing that in our home.


We lost our baby Addison a year ago in August.
It's been interesting to see how God has used that story.
Some people read those posts when I was walking through it and instantly could relate. They had suffered a loss years before or happened to be walking through one at the same time. Others couldn't relate at the time...but throughout the year as women would miscarry &/or lose little ones they would email me. They were reading back through my old posts relating to my raw emotion I was experiencing at the time. 
I have heard from women crying in the bathroom at 4am because they feel completely alone with their loss and are desperately searching for answers,
 others who have had to bite their tongues as friends & coworkers were insensitive, some who werent sure if they should schedule a d&c or not, 
some who felt like their husbands weren't feeling the pain the way they were.... 
the list goes on.

It's been sad....
and confusing to try and understand why this happens. 

I have said this many times before...before I lost a baby I had no idea what a loss it is. And nothing can bring me to tears quicker than thinking of that little one.  

I knew it was sad but never did I know the emotion that would come with walking that road.

I mentioned it last week but if anyone wants to get involved in project hope, Laura has such a beautiful thing going on for families who have lost little ones. 
She has a post here that basically talks more in detail and explains what she needs... I respect her so much for pouring her heart into this and I know what an impact each box will make on these people.

Have a lovely weekend, when Monday hits I will be 29 :) xoxo.



  1. Thanks for sharing what is on your mind, Casey!

    Silver from A Silver Snapshot

  2. First off all, love the new blog design! I just did a makeover on mine today too. :) Also, I love hearing you share your heart - I have been reading through your journey and experience and actually, found out I was pregnant a week before you did! So it's been pretty neat to have a "blog friend" to follow during this. I will be 30 weeks on your birthday... hope you have a happy one! :)

  3. Beautiful post Casey. Talk about an eye opener to think about how fleeting time is and how precious our little ones are...messes and all. Thanks for that article from your pastor too. I loved it! xoxo

  4. Beautiful post Casey. Talk about an eye opener to think about how fleeting time is and how precious our little ones are...messes and all. Thanks for that article from your pastor too. I loved it! xoxo

  5. Oh Casey, I have been so "behind" on reading blogs and so here I stop by late tonight as my last thing before putting my head on my pillow, and I can only imagine the woman who you mentioned losing her daughter and missing her crumbs on the floor is me. I literally got goosebumps just now as I read it. Because 1) I was thinking of how great a mom you must be compared to me to be so intentional about staying calm and patient with your kids. 2) I was just thinking how even though I am so busy and tired with 6 kids home on summer schedule now I still was happy to eat Chocolate Chex cereal with my 3 year old at 10 o'clock pm. Just because I could...he's here and I never want to ever take time with my kids for granted. 3) I couldn't help but think of how my loss and Teagan's life still touch others- even though we will likely never meet this side of Heaven. It gives me chills to think that God, in His divine and all-powerful way can connect our hearts and intertwine stories so that we learn and grow and are encouraged or inspired or challenged in new ways. I never ever thought my grief and pain would be the part of my life others could learn from. When Teagan died I wanted to literally pull the curtains closed on our windows and shut the whole world out forever. But again, God showed me and has time and again given me opportunities to share my story and out of the depth of my sorrow and pain there has come healing and friendships have formed. My heart has healed a tiny bit each time I have shared a part of it. It doesn't seem like that's the way it should work, but that's the way God does work in me. Just as your experiences connect with others, it's as if our losses are a greater piece of our story. One that could only occur out of loss. Does any of my typing here even make sense? I am.rambling. It is obviously past my bedtime. :) I guess I just want you to know that I am moved again to know the tiny, yet profound impact my 4-yr old girl made in your heart and life. And you never even met her. Or me. That is a testimony to God's wonder-working power. I sometimes think Teagan was my angel on earth for the 4 years I had her. She changed me so much and her life still makes me look at the world differently. I know I have more patience because of her death. I know I try to live in the moment more than ever because of her. I know I choose to forgive. I live with hope. I live with joy. I try to live fearlessly even though this world is big and scary at times. Especially when I am teaching my other little ones to 'fly'. I know I love more authentically. I know I try harder. I savor more. I embrace more. I even rode the cart at Target tonight in the parking lot because of her. Because of what I've learned. Because I know today is a gift. Because I know tomorrow is not a guarantee. And because I know God will right every wrong one day and He has set me free from needing all the answers and I can accept and trust His ways. No matter how good or bad things go. He is faithful always. Your little Addison may very well have danced around God's throne in Heaven hand-in-hand with my Teagan by now. I smile at that thought. One day we who love Him and believe He is who He said He is will bow in worship at His feet. To walk through this world and feel the hurt and experience the heartaches we endure yet knowing it will all be but a distant memory compared to the eternity that awaits is what He calls us to to. Keep our eyes on Him. Keep our hearts in line with His and we have nothing to lose. Oh, Casey, thank you for your post tonight. It is more than I imagined when I clicked over to catch up on your life. I am so glad God has used you to encourage me. All over again. All my best to you and your family and sweet little Apple dumpling growing inside you right now. Truly, Jody xoxo


  7. Love the new design! You are such a wonderful writer and I love that your emotion really comes out in your words.

  8. I think your new blog design is killer! I love to see how inspiration turns into designed online spaces. :)

  9. The new look is awesome and I like this look better then the old one. It's funny that my new design is also how I wanted it and so much more!

    I don't think anyone who suffer a lost know of what one was until they experienced it. I've too have heard from woman and have read many stories and they are all very, very sad. It's a tough road and the emotions that experience are pure, real and truly unexplainable.

    Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!!

  10. Happy early birthday greeting, my dear, sweet bloggy friend. For being so young, you have been through so much. But, how wonderful to have gone through it all with Chris by your side. You have much to give to this world, Casey, and I'm glad I'm one of your recipients! Thanks and happy weekend.

  11. You are such an inspiration Casey! Looooved the article, by the way, thanks for sharing :)

  12. great post! i love your thoughts on shaping your kids and discipline. such a great thing to start my day of with.

    and love the new site too. very nice.

    have a lovely day :)

  13. Casey, I want to thank you so very much for this post. I really needed to read this and you have such a beautiful way of sharing. Love the design!

  14. LOVE your new blog design! You are such an inspiration to me, and I LOVE you too. We have the same birthday, and that is too cool. Have a fabulous day, I will be thinking of you!

  15. MATT CHANDLER IS YOUR PASTOR!!?!?!?!?! Holy Cow, woman, I just got cold chills! :) I listen to his podcasts often. Have you read anything by Tara Leigh Cobble? She is a huge Matt Chandler fan and is the one who got me started listening in the first place. How awesome.

    Also, love the new design and happy birthday! :) How's that for a "jumbled thoughts" comment?

  16. beautifully said. You are so raw and that's one of thee reasons i love your blog so much. Also, i just started following you on twitter and it's like you're a real person now - hah does that make any sense? - because you tweet a lot of people I've gotten to know through the blog world. I'm so looking forward to the Influence conference. I really feel like God is going to use it to teach me how to use my platform to spread our cause and ignite the passion to live life on a mission for Jesus as we will be moving to Mexico to serve as full time missionaries. I look forward to meeting you in person :)

  17. Oh Casey - i loved reading this last night! And came back today to link up -- i wrote a post yesterday and realized it fit the linky!! Silly random things and some honest things too!

    I am STILL learning and realizing that my kids learn by my example! I am amazed by God's grace and the fact I can be better and better at it each day!

    Big Hug to you!

  18. The new design is gorgeous Casey. Hope you have a wonderful weekend. My own precious little one and I wish you a great big (and slightly early) happy birthday as well!


  19. Thanks for sharing your mind with us! What mom's mind isn't always a jumble of thoughts? The good, bad, what I'm doing or should be doing. That's how it goes. And with pregnancy brain too, you're a lot less jumbled than you could be.

    I lost a baby last summer too, in June, and just celebrated my baby girl's 1st birthday from the pregnancy after my miscarriage. Those raw feelings never go away, but they are good. They remind me that there was a loss, but that there was a life too. And any life, no matter how short, is worth celebrating and remembering.

    On another note, I took a page out of your book and got my birthday party cake and cupcakes from the grocery store, plain, and decorated them myself. Loved it!! The bakers all thought I was crazy though. They had my husband call me before he could pick them up just to make sure they weren't supposed to be decorated. :) If you want to see it's http://www.chrisanderinkeith.blogspot.com/2012/06/here-are-details-from-jayce-and-hannahs.html

    Happy weekend!

  20. I love reading what's on your heart!
    This post made me cry! Thank you for sharing!

  21. you are beautiful inside and out. and such an inspiration!

    ps - LOVING the new blog design. man, she is amazing!

  22. Casey, I had no idea you attend The Village, I love Matt and all the pastors there, I always listen to their podcasts on waking days :) Great interview with him, thanks for sharing!


  23. I love the new design. Great post, even if if was rambling. I love everything you write. Have a sweet weekend friend.

  24. Beautifully put and happy birthday for tomorrow.


  25. Hi Casey! I love your site, so I have nominated you for the Sunshine award. Thank you for the inspiration!


  26. I loved reading his thoughts on parenting and marriage! What an incredible relationship he has with each of his children. It's really inspiring. What a spectacular church to attend! Thanks for sharing!