My heart and spirit are broken today.
The innocence in that Elementary School classroom today. The fear that was there. Babies calling for their mamas to help them, save them, protect them. And their parents far away. Unable to help.
It is honestly too much for my heart. There were moments today that I wanted to look away. I wanted to pretend it wasn't real and not face the pain. the hurt.
The truth is though, we need to face the reality of the world we live in. We need to connect with their pain. We need to remember that our days are few. We need to remember what is important. We need look at this world, at humanity and connect with the good. We need to build up, instead of tear down. We need to love. We need to meet people at their pain.
Most of the day today I just cried and held each one of my babies. Tonight I watched Aiden's chest. Each time it would rise and fall. I soaked in Ainsleigh's giggles. I rocked Apple longer than usual. I thought of the twenty empty tiny beds tonight. The presents under the tree, the lunchboxes that sit unopened.
I thought about holding on to this feeling.
Chris has been working on a time lapse video of New York. He took over 30,000 pictures and created an incredibly moving piece from it. I sobbed most of the day and then this evening he showed me his film. As I watched all the people, all the cars, the world moving and life passing by....I couldn't help but think of not only the tragedy today but all those out in the world suffering.
You want to be light and fluffy and pretend that it isn't happening. Well, it is happening. And we need more people there to help pick up the pieces.
This world is not heaven. It is a broken and awful place. The longer I live here the deeper my longing is to be in heaven. I long for the day my babies are safe in heaven with me. Away from the hurt. Away from the evil.
It's hard sometimes to be moved. To let your soul move. To let your heart hurt.
Watch this video and think about all the hurt.
And with the hurt the deep beauty in humanity as well.
The people who seek to help the lost.
Humanity. All of us. Finding our way on this crazy journey.
Trying to make sense of it all.
I rest in the peace today that someday it will all be sorted out.