One night I was up late, talking to Chris.
"When I think about some things in our life... I wish I was different...."
He pressed me, asked me what I meant, had me make a list.
I woke up the next morning and thought. enough.
I am tired of thinking about those things.
I am just going to be intentional and do them.
and I did.
I wanted to have the tv off. even if it was just on for noise. I wanted pretty music on instead.
I wanted family dinners every single night. around the table. meal planned. prayers said. conversations had.
I wanted a bedtime routine.
I wanted to pull Ainsleigh's naps so that she went to bed at a reasonable hour. and with that a whole evening with Chris.
I wanted to do an hour of school in the mornings with the kids.
and I wanted to start running.
I wanted to be more intentional with my relationship with Chris.
and I wanted to change some icky parts of my soul that I convinced myself didn't exist.
I didn't do all at once. But slowly now I have done every one on that list. Some are still a work in progress. A few are very much still a work in progress.
The running was just this past week.
I am a terrible runner. I can walk a few blocks then just want to walk normally. But this week I have loved it. I listened to my feet hit the pavement, took pictures of flowers along the way, had music playing, let the sunshine hit my nose. I closed my eyes and forgot about every stress in the world for those 30 minutes. It was glorious.
The reason that I wanted to share this is because I have this feeling that so many of us buy into the lies. I would end some of my days feeling like a failure. All the " I wish...." .
Then the lie brings sadness and something about the sadness keeps us there.
In the lies.
So I guess this is a challenge, an encouragement- whether your "list" is small and silly things like mine or a heavy list....maybe even an addiction or a secret you've been a slave to for far too long.
Wake up tomorrow and say enough. Today I start the journey to change.
I stood at the sink tonight washing the dishes. I had priscilla ahn humming next to me. We had just had a lovely family meal and I was slowly letting the bubbles slide down the plates. The kids were content and peaceful and I couldn't help but give thanks.
Do you have something weighing you down?
shall we say enough?