appie. 8 months
April 28, 2013
My little Appie. 8 months already.
I wish I could explain this precious babe...but I fear that words won't do her justice. Last night I had her curled up next to me. Her sweet chubby arms pressed up by my neck and her sweet cheeks softly next to me. I was tracing her eyelashes and telling her I can't believe that she belly laughs the way that she does. I hope that she always knows how cherished she is.
I can't imagine our life without her.
I am a different mom this third time. Somewhere along the way the moments that we squirm a bit when someone asks about a parenting decision fade away. We rest easier in our decisions. More confident the third time. I rarely worry about her. It's just different after you have done it twice before.
I have no idea how you can thank God for the loss of one child, so you can experience another. But today I will do that. If we hadn't lost Addison, I would never have had Apple. I am thankful that someday I will know them both...but thankful that God blessed us with Apple for this life here on earth.
Addison's loss changed me.
and it helped a lot of people.
I have reconciled his loss........ and to me, his life had a unique purpose.
Maybe one I won't fully understand until heaven.
I needed Apple. I needed each of them.
I have longed so deeply to be a mama for almost as long as I can remember.
When we chose the name Apple, we knew what it meant to us. It is an old English use of the word "apple" and does not refer to the fruit we call the "apple" today. It refers to the center of the pupil of the eye. When you make something the "apple of your eye", it means to watch over it and protect and cherish it.
When we chose Lucy as her middle name it was just simply because Chris loves the name Lucy. It was a family name and he loved it.
Later we found out that Lucy means radiant light.
Pure radiant light... that she could be a shining light.
She is already such a light.
My prayer for each of our children is that they love well. That they are lights and that people can see a difference in them because of how they choose to live their lives and treat others.
A light by how they love.
We love you little Apple, you are such a gift.