appie. 8 months

April 28, 2013

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My little Appie. 8 months already.

I wish I could explain this precious babe...but I fear that words won't do her justice. Last night I had her curled up next to me. Her sweet chubby arms pressed up by my neck and her sweet cheeks softly next to me. I was tracing her eyelashes and telling her I can't believe that she belly laughs the way that she does. I hope that she always knows how cherished she is. 

I can't imagine our life without her. 

I am a different mom this third time. Somewhere along the way the moments that we squirm a bit when someone asks about a parenting decision fade away. We rest easier in our decisions. More confident the third time. I rarely worry about her. It's just different after you have done it twice before. 

I have no idea how you can thank God for the loss of one child, so you can experience another. But today I will do that. If we hadn't lost Addison, I would never have had Apple. I am thankful that someday I will know them both...but thankful that God blessed us with Apple for this life here on earth. 
Addison's loss changed me. 
and it helped a lot of people. 
I have reconciled his loss........ and to me, his life had a unique purpose. 
Maybe one I won't fully understand until heaven.

I needed Apple. I needed each of them. 
I have longed so deeply to be a mama for almost as long as I can remember. 

When we chose the name Apple, we knew what it meant to us. It is an old English use of the word "apple" and does not refer to the fruit we call the "apple" today. It refers to the center of the pupil of the eye. When you make something the "apple of your eye", it means to watch over it and protect and cherish it.

When we chose Lucy as her middle name it was just simply because Chris loves the name Lucy. It was a family name and he loved it.
Later we found out that Lucy means radiant light. 

Pure radiant light... that she could be a shining light. 

She is already such a light. 

My prayer for each of our children is that they love well. That they are lights and that people can see a difference in them because of how they choose to live their lives and treat others. 
A light by how they love. 

We love you little Apple, you are such a gift. 

41 comments:

  1. what a beautiful message to your beautiful girl. :)

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  2. you have the most precious children, they are all so beautiful :)

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  3. so beautiful. our little ones are only a few days apart! i can't believe eight months has gone by already! ps where can i get some of those leggings??

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    1. so so fun!!!!! here is the link, love! http://www.etsy.com/shop/littlehipsqueaks

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  4. So beautiful, your words, your family, your love.

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  5. Love to read your blogs on this kinda stuff! - I enjoy reading everything you post but the Mama stuff is my fav now that I'm a new Mom! ;) XO

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  6. Oh case!!!! YOU are the best mama!!!!

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  7. she is just adorable!! seriously one of the cutest babies ive ever seen.

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  8. Casey, you are such a sweet beautiful woman. Your children are so blessed to have you. Apple is darling.

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  9. I didn't realize our daughters were the same age! I'm so glad you shared the story if her name...how precious and meaningful!

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  10. oh, i love this! her name. the photos. your sweet spirit.

    xx

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  11. I know what you mean about words not being adaquate in describing our kiddos. Baby Abe of mine, my third, he is something special. Just like his big brother and sister. This is just beautiful, Casey. I love the name Apple Lucy, and I love the meaning. She is a blessed baby girl with such a loving and gentle family. :) Happy week to you!

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  12. You are such a good mama! Your kids are blessed to have you.

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  13. beautiful. i feel like if i am being honest i took me until my third baby to truly enjoy and feel at ease with a baby.what little blessings they are!

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  14. it brought tears all these years later for someone to put the situation so beautifully. I could not possible have my wonderful son except for the loss of another that we will meet in Heaven. Your writing made ok for me to finally acknowledge this without feeling a bit guilty. THANK YOU AND GOD BLESS YOU

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  15. The fact that your sweet babies will someday be able to read your beautiful words on here is so, so special. Your family is an inspiration. xo

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  16. I believe names determine destiny, and that excites me to think of how God will use little Apple Lucy! So precious. Thanks for sharing!

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  17. beautiful name and beautiful baby, she such a blessing :)

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  18. Happy 8 months Apple! You are a precious gift. Beautifully written Casey...so sweet, so true.

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  19. so beautiful...everything about this! my very favorite part is your prayer for you children. thanks for sharing your heart. xo

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  20. this was simply beautiful Casey.... xo

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  21. sweet words Casey. love that you have the gift of Apple!

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  22. That sweet little tongue, Casey!!! TOO precious!!!

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  23. Awwww. She looks a lot like your husband. It's so true about how with each child it's less stressful with our decision making. Which is comforting =) My g/f is pregnant with kid #5. I bet decision making for her is a cinch lol

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  24. Hi Casey. you are precious. I'm a new reader. I found your blog randomly while searching blogs. you have such a beautiful family. love how you share your faith too :). love your style. love your photos. love it all girl. can we be friends?! haha have a good day sweetie! hope you can come check out my blog sometime.

    xo
    emily
    The Rancher's Daughter

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    1. awww YES!!! So so glad to have a new friend!!!

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  25. Precious. Your outlook on life and trials/triumphs is something to admire. Thanks for sharing the sweet nothings, the amazing highs and the lows that put life into such a beautiful perspective. God's masterpiece is a complicated one but one that is beautiful beyond imagination.

    Thank you.

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  26. She looks a lot like your husband!

    Thanks for sharing so much of your life here on your blog. Your attitude on faith, life and motherhood is lovely and it makes me think a lot about how I will be whenever I have kids. I especially love the way you've written about seeing Addison as a teenage boy in Heaven someday.

    Also - random thought - have you seen the movie The Impossible with Naomi Watts? I highly recommend it and I think you'd like it. They don't mention God, but it is full of his miracles.

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    1. Ahhh no but now I want to watch it!!!! putting it on my list of things to do!!!!

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  27. Such a cutie and she gives me so much hope!

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  28. Precious. I agree about the 3rd time around. We love Lucy, too and have always said that we would name a daughter Lucy! Always think of Lucy from Chronicles of Narnia

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  29. What a sweet tribute to your growing little one!

    I definitely understand what you mean about it being different the third time around.

    When my oldest was an infant, I was always so excited for each new milestone, but this time, I find myself just savoring every moment of her infancy, happy to have her just cuddled against my chest. I know soon she will be sitting and standing and running and jumping, but now I'm just so happy that she's little :-)

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  30. I love that you call her "Appie". And goodness, she looks so much like your husband in these pics!! I've always loved names and their meanings and what a treasured one to have--radiant light!! I understand what you mean about the loss of one so the other could be born and how that doesn't make their life less meaningful. When we lost our second son when I was five months pregnant, it was only six months later that I became pregnant with our twins. It was achingly sweet to be expecting two, but they didn't "replace" our son. Nothing can ever replace him. XO

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  31. It's crazy that kids grow so fast - 8 months doesn't seem like long, as adults our hair doesn't grow as much as babies do in that time! I love reading your words for her- makes me excited to one day have one of my own :D

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  32. I love your reasoning behind naming her Apple. She is such a beauty and I love that you are so open about sharing your family's journey and your faith on this blog. What an inspiration!

    -Chelsea
    chelsandthecity.blogspot.com

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