the living dead.

July 04, 2013

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Emotion. It comes & it goes. The kind that makes your heart race, the kind that won't leave until you sit down and process it. Write and let it flow out. 

For about two months now I have felt a nudging like God wants to push me outside my comfort zone. The kind of comfort zone that smacks you back to reality and lets you see how big God really is. 

One night this week I got the kids in bed and went to get a little caught up on my computer and I saw it.... the subject line to an email and I knew what the signs and prompting were leading to in a single moment. In all honesty, I am not sure if anything will even come of it but I think I had to make a decision in my heart regardless. Can I trust God even when He asks me to do something that scares me?

I started crying.

I hadn't even read the email yet. But when you know God is working on something with you and you want to resist but know that you shouldn't.... it can make you weepy.

The truth is.... I want to be pushed, I want to be broken. 
I want to see how big God is and rely on Him in ways that are so far out of my comfort zone that I have no choice but to break and be put back together better. 
I want my kids to know that obeying God and stepping out of what feels comfortable to me was something that their mama strived for. 
I want them to know that I don't want to hide from the reality of the world, I want to face it and I want to shine in it. 

That night I went over to Jami's blog because I know she speaks such wisdom and sure enough slammed me with something beautiful, 

and then that quote hit me again. safety is a mirage of the living dead. i have lived thinking i am in control of everything. i was dead in my comfort. it kept me from living.

change my heart, God."


Just beautiful. Yes God. Change me.
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26 comments:

  1. This was exactly what I needed to hear-
    "i was dead in my comfort, it kept me from living"- so.very.true.
    I think we are all guilty of this to some extent. It's when we step outside the boundaries we set for ourselves that we are able to grow as a person and grow in our faith. When we are outside our comfort zones we have to rely on Him and not on ourselves, and that's what He wants for us. Thanks so much for sharing. xoxo Britney

    http://long-road-to-somewhere.blogspot.com/

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  2. Oh I know that being pushed out of your comfort zone feeling. Sometimes its so liberating, that trusting thing. Other times its absolutely petrifying! xox

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  3. Wow, this resonates with me a lot tonight. There are a few things that God has been putting onto my heart that will require action, and the kind of action that could potentially put risks into my life and the lives of my little family that weren't there before. But I needed to hear that even in that place of feeling more at risk, I'm safer than where I am now. Thank you for sharing your heart.

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  4. loved this casey, all things are possible through him!

    hugs to you

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  5. Just what I needed to hear too, thank you so much for sharing!

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  6. This was so encouraging thank you! This year has been God stretching and growing us in every week, flip everyday! we even got a word from a friend at the begining of the year about God doing just that and boy did he deliver. Sometimes I loose sight of how he is growing us (like yesterday) and I get a little frustrated and this post, wow it was a bit of a spiritual protein shake!;) much love!!

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  7. OH yes, that weepiness when God is working!!

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  8. I love that you are a believer Casey... its refreshing to see in this bloggy blog world :) - love Jami's blog too that you linked too. Hope you are doing ok with Chris traveling and away so much right now. I know not having him there is hard for you.... as it would be for me. My husband and I are in the midst of more change... he lost his job as a full time pastor in 2011... which brought us to city of refuge here in ATL... for 22 months we were poured into... went through professional counseling to deal with our anger towards the church, among other things... and now my husband serves full time as a police officer... yup pastor to police... but he feels a tug and knows he is not meant to stay where he is... so now begins the process of finding a new home... new ministry... all the while keeping our kids together and content... happy... after 10 years and 9 moves... im so tired of moving :( - just want to find a home we can stay put for a very long time... pray for us if you think abt it... that we could settle... and while i know this time is not "our final home" - there does come some peace in having stability for your children while they are young... def a time to trust in the Father... and know He has a perfect plan.

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  9. Yes! I know exactly what you mean. I want to feel God's nudging and walk in blind joyful obedience, with each step walking farther away from fear and closer to God's own heart. It's scary, but I have to remind myself that this is faith and it's vital for my walk with God and my family story. Your words just cut right to the core of what matters. Praying for you in your faith walk, Casey. And thanking God for your voice and your heart - the way you share so vulnerably and openly. It's a beautiful gift. Walk strong - God is cheering you on and so are we! :)

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  10. Thank you for sharing! I so needed this especially as I'm going through a difficult season. There is nothing sweeter than having to fully rely on God to make it through because this season is so far out of my comfort zone!

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  11. Thank you for sharing! I so needed this especially as I'm going through a difficult season. There is nothing sweeter than having to fully rely on God to make it through because this season is so far out of my comfort zone!

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  12. "I want my kids to know that obeying God and stepping out of what feels comfortable to me was something that their mama strived for. "

    They watch us and learn what it looks like to walk with God for a lifetime. This is more than unsettling!
    But it is the way He wills it.

    So we walk on!

    Blessings Casey. I'm enjoying your posts tucked into my email box!

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  13. This is beautiful and just what I needed to hear. Thanks dear.

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  14. YES. on the same train, girlfriend. and wherever we're heading is beautiful and difficult and free in jesus. break us lord, for your glory. rid us of ourselves and our own dreams. give us your passion and your will. give us strength and courage to BE.

    love you.

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  15. "safety is a mirage of the living dead" this is so very true. Your post spoke to me. Thank you! I just lost my job and I had taken on a whim knowing there was a chance of it happening but it was too good of an opportunity to take. I could have chosen what was safe but I didn't. Anyway, thank you for your insight on this. It really spoke to my heart and helped me realize that is living. Sometimes I ask God for the same thing, to shake things up, and help me grow, but growing with God is so hard and so uncomfortable but truly that is what life is all about.

    You are a light, Casey!

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  16. Wow, I'm in the same place right now. Not ready to share it all with the world but God is opening up some huge opportunities! So excited to see what He has in store for you!!

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  17. This is just so good. God taught me this in such a huge way after my dad died. It is scary and freeing to know that God is the one who holds your life. Everything changes when you let go of the illusion of control.

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  18. I went on to read the post you read, and it was amazing! Thank you for sharing, and your own thoughts and vulnerabilities as well.

    Love!

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  19. Love your heart! Thank you for being vulnerable!

    xoxo, Autumn courgeouslove.net

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  20. Love your heart! Thank you for being vulnerable!

    xo, Autumn courageouslove.net

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  21. You are a beautiful soul, Casey. :) I just love you. :)

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  22. I love that you share your heart with us every week :) You're just amazing, Casey!

    Chelsea from Sunny with a Chance of Sprinkles

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  23. so excited for you. seriously. it's going to rock your world.

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  24. This is so very beautiful. I have been feeling so similar lately. I want to be broken and put back together again. You are so strong. Just know that.

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  25. i am sitting at the doctor's office and can't help but hold back tears. thank you. thank you for your boldness in sharing Christ's love and for the inspiration on having a Christ centered home life. I'm embarrassed and encouraged both at the same time. thank you!

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  26. "A ship in its harbor is safe, but that's not what ships were built for."

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