the younger me.

September 12, 2013

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  So. The other night I couldn't sleep and somehow I started thinking about the younger me. Like, the highschool/ college Casey. And honestly it makes me sort of sad. The words that first come to mind are : searching. desperate. value. Truly, my heart was desperate.

I obviously don't believe that finding a guy solves all your problems...but in my case, finding Chris really helped me sift through all the mess in my own heart. 

I guess in a way it has taken me 8 years to start to feel comfortable in my own skin. It's like I just found myself in a way. I mean, if you even look at pictures on my blog from when I first started blogging, I rarely even looked at the camera. 

A piece from the book, Captivating:

" Do you see me? Am I captivating? Do I have a beauty all my own? 

The only things standing in the way of our beauty are our doubts and fears, and the hiding and striving we fall to as a result. To have a gentle and quiet spirit is to have a heart of faith, a heart that trusts in God, a spirit that has been quieted but His love and filled with His peace. Not a heart that is striving & restless. A woman in her glory, a woman of beauty, is a woman who is not striving to become beautiful or worthy of enough. She knows in her quiet center where God dwells that He finds her beautiful, has deemed her worthy and in Him, she is enough."

What does that look like though? It seems easy to say a one time prayer and forever feel better...but it just isn't the case. At least not for me. It seems like an ongoing battle that we have to fight for. 

I mentioned this on instagram recently but my little Ainsleigh is just about everything that I have always wished that I could be: confident, brave, adventurous. I want her to have that forever. I don't want the broken hearts and bullies at school and the peer pressure of life to rob her. I want to help her fight for it. To feel valued and worthy and everything that she absolutely is. She deserves better than that. So how can we beat the lies? How can rest in our worth?

I guess I don't have the answer. I just know it rests in Him 
and it has to be fought for. 

"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; and my soul knows it very well." -Psalm 139:13-14


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53 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. I was actually just thinking ab you yesterday love

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    2. XOXO! I still have a letter to mail you! I just feel ridiculous sending it! It's SO LONG. haha

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  2. great food for thought. so thankful we can put our worries to him.

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  3. Oh I know what you mean. Andrew is the yin to my yang. He didn't 'save' me...but he helped me 'save' myself along with Jesus. And he's an absolute blessing. I do often look back at myself and think about how far I've come and how grateful I am in doing do.

    I also pray every.single.day that my children grow up with wild, strong, confident, beautiful, giving hearts. The one's where they KNOW that they are 'beautifully and wonderfully made'...and they weather the storms of life with grace....so not what I did initially. It means that I have to get my stuff together and start weathering them, because the learn from us.

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  4. I needed this, thank you!!!! xoxo

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  5. Funny that you should say that, I feel the same way about my girls. I admire them! they are the coolest humans I know... just so strong, smart, curious and with such great faith in kid, reminding me to pray { doh } when I am worrying about something.
    I think its cool to have an " old self".... I used to be very ashamed of who I used to be. I was so wild before I knew Jesus... but looking back and being able to see how far we have come, is a testament to Gods faithfulness and how he promises not to leave us this way. I am so thankful he continues to shape us for the better each day. You are a beautiful soul. Always a pleasure when I find time to come over here and read. xo

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    Replies
    1. this is really beautifully said my friend :)

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  6. I love this Casey. This is something that is on my heart often...for myself and for someday, my children. I agree it is an ongoing battle, but it is what makes us strong.

    xo, Maddie

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  7. Thank you, I really needed this. I'm comfortable with myself when I'm alone, because I can better see myself through God's eyes. But around people I'm not brave, outgoing, comfortable, nor do I feel valuable. So I guess I just need to keep looking to God. -Natalia

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  8. Beautiful words. I get sad too when I think about the younger me. I'd say getting married and then some of life's storms helped me to find courage, take heart and just go for some of the things I never dreamed would ever happen.

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  9. I am on the new side to your blog.. I just started following along about two months ago and I love this post.
    I was very overweight in high school.. I ate everything because I didn't have anything else. I cut myself, I was depressed, I thought happiness only came from a man. After high school, I lost a lot of weight because I stopped eating. I was still cutting myself, still drinking, and dating a man who abused me in every way possible. It took meeting my husband to get me out of that hole so I can relate to that. I feel like God sent him to save my life.. and he did.
    I am now a mom of the most perfect nine month old baby girl and I am sooo happy, but still look at myself and feel uncomfortable. I pick myself apart. I actually realized today that I don't have many pictures of my family all together because I can't control the pictures other people take.. I can't monitor them to make sure I come out looking ok. The pictures I have of my daughter and I are mostly ones I've taken myself or ones I've approved from searching through our camera. I don't want my daughter to struggle like I did either.. it's so hard to know how to instill confidence in a child when you don't have a lot of it yourself.
    Thank you for this post <3

    Ali
    when life gives you mellin's

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    Replies
    1. I have struggled with being insecure for almost as long as I can remember and it seriously stinks...and I so know what you mean...how can I teach it to someone when I don't know how to beat it myself?? So glad you are here friend! xoxo

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  10. Beautiful and touching thoughts, Casey. You are lovely, Momma. :)

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  11. I can so relate. I struggle with some of the same and I know a lot of it has to do with the lack of a positive male role in my life. I think that God allows our husbands to reflect his love for us and therefore we can see ourselves a little more like how He sees us. Does that even make sense? Beautiful post and thank you for the linky. I actually linked up this time;) ~Melissa

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    1. I absolute adore what you said.... I believe that so much He uses our husbands that way!

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  12. beautiful beautiful beautiful. your words spoke to me. i feel like i am on this same journey. i'm not quite there yet, but i'm better than i was yesterday. thank you for your inspiring words. they made my heart happy.

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    1. Love, the book : " do you think I am beautiful?" is really fabulous as well. Thank you so much for your sweet words love :) xoxo

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  13. Dear Casey,

    thankyou so much for sharing these words.

    I was thinking about nearly the same thoughts this week.
    Though I had Christ in my life and my heart, I also struggled with these problems. Looking back it made me a bit sad, because I could have lived these years more conscious, lettting this light shine.
    But it was just (and also because of this post) that I realized, that it`s part of the journey.espacially a whole lot of sensitive natured persons struggle with this.
    But it´s ok. it just needs time to get from the head into the heart, where it will become a treasure and God can use it as a guide for others, especially our children.
    So I decided this week to look back thankful also for this path I wandered, because I learned a lot, which went deep.

    Thankyou for your words!

    Many greetings from far Germany, noni

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  14. Ah Casey this spoke straight to my heart, I want to get that book sounds amazing. Its not that I'm not comfortable in who I am but lacking worth I guess. I feel so content when I'm walking every second of everyday with God but as you say I have to work on staying in that place. I'm married and my husband is such a good man, succesful in every area, loving, kind and he makes me want to be better, more gentle more kind. I guess I'm still searching though, I guess just finding where I fit, where I excell. Thank you for sharing!!

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  15. I just did a (sort of) similar post on my blog yesterday... Totally agree with you! Had I not found Rory, I probably wouldn't be blogging today.
    Lydia x
    thepiccolopixie.blogspot.com

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    1. So amazing how God can lead us on these paths!!

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  16. It honestly takes a while. And I can't say that just because you overcome some insecurities now, there won't be more waiting around the corner later. I thought for sure I knew myself and was confident in it in my mid-twenties, then things changed and I questioned it all by twenty-eight.

    But by 30 I've learned the most important thing, that while I may have personal insecurities, the only confidence that truly matters lies within my relationship with God. His opinion of me is the only one that truly matters. People cannot be pleased, for their heart is the same as my own, desiring for self.

    I am glad you feel confident in yourself and with God to be able to smile directly at the camera. God's love truly is a blessing to the soul!

    XO,
    Steph
    www.newlymynted.com

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    1. "His opinion of me is the only one that truly matters. People cannot be pleased, for their heart is the same as my own, desiring for self. " I love this, so beautifully said my friend

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  17. I usually don't comment on blog post even though I read them, but this post really hit home for me. Thank you for writing it friend. :)

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    1. aw love :) xoxo so happy you said hello!

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  18. Casey, Thank you so much for sharing your heart. Your words are so inspiring. and I can't thank you enough for hosting these link-ups. Through them I have met some incredible people who like you, inspire me to be a better mom, wife, daughter, christian. I appreciate you and pray for you often. That God would continue to bless your family and that He would continuously be the center of everything you set your hands and heart to. Thank you!

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  19. You are so inspiring with your words. Every time I catch up on your blog, I feel the Lord quieting my soul through your words, and His. xo

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    1. oh this means so incredibly much to me love

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  20. I said the same thing about my daughter in a post the other day. She is everything that I wish I could be (and maybe was at one point?). I am scared that the world will take it from her and I pray constantly for got to preserve my children's hearts.

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  21. for some reason, I've been feeling sad about the younger me too. I think back on high school and all of the opportunities I missed out on because I was so holed up inside. I am often floored at how God has made something beautiful out of me--and has given me the man of my dreams, and soon-to-be-two children of my dreams!
    those words from "Captivating" are so wonderful.
    thanks, Casey!
    www.floralandfudge.blogspot.com

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  22. i love that book (find myself going back to it and re-reading) and only wish i could have read it years ago. i somehow feel like i was more found and confident in my younger years and felt really out of place in my 20's. although, i now certain i wasn't completely me or just hadn't lived enough to really know about myself in my teens. i feel like this decade, however, just might be the right one. finding balance, finding my value only in Him and knowing who He truly made me to be.
    xo . trina

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  23. I don't think women should find value in men either. BUT my husband supports me the way no one else has, has loved me for all of the "crazy" things my parents didn't understand. He made me comfortable in my own skin because he encouraged me to be comfortable.

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  24. This is beautiful. It was my husband (when we were in high school) who helped me as well - here was someone who loved me despite my failings, and with that knowledge I could stop focusing on finding love. It should have been God that filled that hole for me, but I think God was behind all of it. I hope for my daughters that they will find their value all on their own as well!

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  25. i read this verse earlier today. it made me think about we so often say this about our own children...there are all sorts of cute prints on etsy with this very verse but how often we don't see it for ourselves. i fully believe my children are wonderfully made, but the same God that made them, made me too, and do i believe that i am wonderfully made. so often, we are so critical of ourselves, of our bodies, of our parenting, of who we are as people that we forget that we are also wonderfully made. sorry for the long comment--just had to share and get that off my chest :)
    thank you for sharing and listening--S.

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  26. Love. Have you watched Sweet Pea Beauty yet? I really think you'd love it. :)

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  27. That's verse is one of my favourite. I really hope are children grow to be the little confident and brave little ones they are now.

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  28. Love Stasi's book, 'Captivating' truly eye opening, heart fulfilling and enlightening! Such great truth and perspective to parent your little girls from and a step in the right direction. So good Casey, your heart and Gods truth will lead them in the right direction.

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  29. Thanks for just sharing this. Gave me a good bit to think about.
    www.jumblebit.com

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  30. Love this post. I know what you mean about having a special person help you find who you really are. It's how I feel with my boyfriend of six years! :)

    P.S. With you as a role model and a guide, I'm sure your daughter will be just fine.

    Camille

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  31. Love this post. I know what you mean about having a special person help you find who you really are. It's how I feel with my boyfriend of six years! :)

    P.S. With you as a role model and a guide, I'm sure your daughter will be just fine.

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  32. i love this casey. i have also read captivating many times and feel like as I am embraced wholly for who i am by my husband I have learned more and more how fully embraced I am by my creator. How he loves me beyone measure and doesn't want me to be anything else that what I am. And what I am is messy and clumsy and full of failures.. but he loves me. I am so thankful for that and for grace.

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