all will be right.

October 10, 2013




 This summer & fall I have  really wrestled through some questions. I have struggled with bad and good and why things happen and just keep coming back to the simple thought, I can't understand because I don't know the whole equation. This is earth, not heaven...and I can't possibly understand everything.That's just it. In a way I just cling to that, because I just don't understand it all. I heard once that earth is just a dot in eternity. a mist. 

Why? Why are we here, why do such sad things happen to such wonderful people?

God really speaks to me through his creation... the crashing ocean and the sounds that accompany it, a gorgeous sunset.... the way the golden light reflects on the water, the beauty in my child's face and the way her dimple looks just like mine. 

It's amazing...everything breathtaking was created by Him. Anything "man-made" is normally just some recreation of nature. His creation catches my breath, it makes me stop in my tracks and it makes me praise Him. His mighty hand. 

I do believe that God knows us all differently and so He speaks to us in those ways. 
This summer & again recently I have become fascinated with the story of Job. I keep coming back to it. 
He lost everything. Everythinggggg. His body/health. His family. His income. 

Yet he still had such faith. It amazes me. Sometimes it is hard enough to praise Him in the hard times..but everything? to lose literally everything? That is remarkable.

And I have so many questions.



A dear friend of ours has been fighting for her life this week. She was out of town for her brother's wedding and a driver veered into her lane and hit their car head-on. Her 2 sweet kiddos and husband were just living life as usual and in a moment their world was rocked by the news that their mama was in a terrible accident. Her sweet babe in her womb saved her life and was taken to heaven. If she had not been so pregnant with sweet Charlie then she most likely would have been killed on impact. 

Our bodies break. Her body was crushed in the crash. 

It is moments like these that I am tested, my fear wants to take over. I desperately want to understand. Then I start thinking, haven't I said all this before? My struggles may never change? Am I just writing these same thoughts out over & over again?

I was just telling Chris... I have to remember that He is good. He has a plan. He loves my babies more than I can imagine. 
I am not their God, He is.

I just say it over & over to myself. 

Every time I think about our friend.... her husband saying goodbye to Charlie alone, I am instantly brought to tears.

In time...all will be right. 

Yes, we shall cling to that.

In time... all will be made good.

"In light of heaven, the worst suffering on earth, a life full of the most atrocious tortures on earth, will be seen to be no more serious than one night in an inconvenient hotel."
-Mother Teresa


   photo LINKUPBUTTON.jpg

69 comments:

  1. God so wants to hold His babies just as desperately as we do. He calms and comforts and holds our hearts in His hands. There will be a day when we have answers, but until then we trust and hold onto faith... and remember that there is a devil who is pure evil - but we can overcome and we will use our stories to testify and bring life! love you girl and praying for your friend

    ReplyDelete
  2. So, so sorry for your dear friend and family. Sending them love and prayers for healing, strength, peace and comfort as they tread this hard path they are on in wake of this tragic event. You know I have asked the tough questions. I don't understand either. The good, the bad, the whole of it all together. The seemingly random events and hurts in life, and yet the truth of God's Word saying that He orders the Heavens...and sees even the sparrow that falls. I will never understand it all this side of Heaven. Knowing God could breathe a single breath and erase all pain and suffering and triumph over evil, and yet He withholds such power....I'll never understand it. As I wrestled with questions in light of our tragic incident I had a 'lightbulb' moment as I wiped my tears one day. I imagined God 'parting the clouds' and handing me "the reason" why Teagan was dead and my family was suffering grief and physical pain and injuries even months later. I realized that it mattered not what would be written on that paper. The reason wouldn't change the hurt we were all feeling. And it certainly couldn't bring Teagan back or change our heartache. I realized that it is in that sense~ that God knows and that is enough for me to trust and let go of the questions and worries. I might not even like the answer as to "why". I could be handed the reason and it still might not make sense to my limited human understanding and perspective. But 100 years from now {even less!} :) It won't matter! The moment I fall at the feet of Jesus, surrounded by the glory of God, everything that I have endured in this lifetime will be insignificant to the scars in His Hands and the holiness and goodness that covers me there. I have pictured me throwing a huge pile of hurt at His feet and you know what? I actually think it will seem 'embarrassing' in that it will seem much too small!! I know my pain and hurt matter to Him and there has been some tough stuff! But in comparison to all eternity and that God has a plan to redeem all suffering, it will be but a mist. That kind of imagining~ the trading of my sorrows and unanswered questions and the unfairness of it all ~ the taste of what is to come is what keeps me going and even restores my joys on the hard days here on earth. Do I wish it were a perfect world, oh yes! But do I trust that the God of love and mercy is true to His promises- yes! Therefore, even if everything were lost I could still praise Him and call Him good. He is so good! S good in fact hat He allows suffering without answers

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. this is so so so beautiful and has me in absolute tears... you do it everytime! I sincerely pray with all my heart that I get to meet you someday, you have had an enormous impact on my life..probably without even realizing it. I will never ever forget the first time you commented on my blog...we were in California at the time and I just wept for you. I love you, I mean that.

      Delete
    2. @Jody, I love your faith! Beautifully said. Thank you!!

      Delete
  3. Praying for your friend and her family! My best friend lost her baby at 39 weeks and so I will picture him and Charlie playing in heaven. Love to you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh gosh, I have a huge lump in my throat. All these comments are making me cry! This is so so beautiful.

      Delete
  4. Praying for you friend and her family. My best friend lost her son at 39 weeks and so now I will picture him and Charlie playing in Heaven together. Love to you...

    ReplyDelete
  5. As always, your words are heart touching and bring out my questioning heart. God is good and his mercies are deeper than the ocean. Prayers and thoughts to you, your mama heart, your friend, and to sweet baby Charlie...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "God is good and his mercies are deeper than the ocean." I adore this friend.

      Delete
  6. Fighting my natural instinct to curl up in fear when things like that happen to me/my friends/the world is so hard. But you're right - we're not our god and we're not our kids' god. And really, when I truly sit in that, it's such a relief to know that HE is in control. Truly, all will be right. I'll be praying for your friend as she comes to mind.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. seriously so true, it really is a relief! I will just rest in that sweet friend. LOVE!!! xoxo!!!

      Delete
  7. Sweet girl, us mamas so desperately want to hold tight to our babies and never let them go. I think God fills our hearts with this desire so we can see the love He has for us in a physical way. He knows your heart friend, and all of our hearts. His plans are much bigger and he does immeasurably more than we could ever know or ask, but it is so hard. So, until that day we know, my heart breaks with you and this sweet family. I pray for His arms to wrap each one of you. And hold those babies, He gave them to you for a reason. Prayers friend.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Okay so I am sitting here thinking how blessed I am by these comments! I will cherish and re-read these! seriously thank you so so much love

      Delete
  8. Where can we go, but to the Lord? My heart becomes raw with emotions when I read these stories. Because they are more than stories, they are real situations, real memories for real people. And it could be me and my loved ones. I was inspired when you said that you weren't their God. Oh how we mamas want to protect! But we are creation and He is Creator. So we shall continue to trust.
    This scripture was on my heart today and now God want you to have it too xoxo
    "And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9 <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You said so perfectly how I feel friend. I love this so so much, thank you from the bottom of my heart

      Delete
  9. When you initially posted the prayer request on Instagram my heart froze...these kind of moments can bring my mind to deep dark places. But you are right...God is my daughters God, not me. I have to find peace and rest that God loves my daughter even more than I could love her...He created her! Thank you for sharing your heart, being vulnerable, and just such an authentic voice of humanity.

    ReplyDelete
  10. What's the Tolkien quote? "Everything sad will come untrue..."
    It seems like so many sweet babies have been taken from us lately, so many tragic stories. I think of my daddy in heaven and wonder if he knows these babies when they get there, if he holds them and thinks of his own grandbabies.
    I'm so sorry you are hurting, friend. I'm so sorry for Charlie's daddy and their family. Will say a prayer for his mama as I head up to bed.
    "And if not.. He is still good." {{thank you for your grace to me this week. xo}}

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. aw I love that quote :), thank you so much for your sweetness A

      Delete
  11. my heart is in pieces for your friend. I send prayers to her and her family. I hope she finds some comfort through the embrace of the her beloved children and husband. but most of all that she lifts her eyes to the lord because he is the one who gives and takes.

    a big hug to you all

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. aw I love you so, thank you so much friend

      Delete
  12. The same questions I'm asking myself day by day. But shouldn't we try to get to the bottom...what and who
    God is? Sure, nobody can give the ultimate answer but it helps to understand a bit more. Everything happens for a reason...and when bad things happen it can either let it define you, let it destroy you or let it strengthen you. I wish you a lot of strength Casey.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I read about your friend when you posted it on your IG the other day. So Sad!! I can not stop thinking about it and praying for them. Our lives can be ripped apart in an instant and we have to remember to have faith, even in the worst of times when it seems the world is crashing down on us.

    This is my favorite.......

    God is our refuge and strength,
    a very present help in trouble.
    Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,
    though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,
    though its waters roar and foam,
    though the mountains tremble at its swelling

    Psalm 46:1-3

    ReplyDelete
  14. I find it so interesting that you were in Job too. I recently considered Job's story one of the stories in the Bible I that compelled me to not trust God fully. But then as a trial came into my life I found myself reading Job...I found God speaking to me like he spoke to Job...but it wasn't the way I had always read it. When he spoke to me of His greatness it was like when you tell your kids calmly "You can trust me and here's why. I know what I'm doing"-with peace and love. And instead of feeling like I thought I would after being spoken to like that(disciplined and downtrodden) I surprisingly found myself feeling loved, held, and amazed at the humble love of God. I felt secure...security came from the very scripture that had made me doubt the security of God to begin with. In the light of the bigness of every aspect of God (including His love and power), the things of earth dissipate. It's a strange shift, but a real one. "Turn your eyes upon Jesus. Look Full in His wonderful face, and the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace."

    ReplyDelete
  15. Awe tears... I will be praying for your friend, her family, and friends. I don't think anyone can ever explain why these things happen but we must turn towards the Lord and not away from him. 2 years ago I lost my 19 year old cousin who had everything going for her in a house explosion due to leaking natural gas, for the longest time after I could not understand why and had such a terrible fear that it was going to happen to my home and that I'd loose all of my babies... It was aweful but praying and turning towards him helped me to work through it and I hope you're able to find comphort in him as well. hugs

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. oh my gosh, I just lost my breath... I am so so so sorry for your loss. Thank you so much for your precious comment, means a ton to me

      Delete
  16. if i let my head really go to these places, it's hard to breathe. i cannot imagine the pain. saying goodbye to a baby... it is so unnatural, and just shouldn't be.

    thinking of you casey, and your sweet friends.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. you know how much i love you friend, same heart :)

      Delete
  17. We don't know the whys? And really- it's not important for us to know. However, as humans, we feel the NEED to know. But we MUST find comfort in knowing that HE has a plan for everyone, mommas, babies, daddys. All of us. And just as you said "HE IS THEIR GOD, NOT ME". This is so true. I often 'what if' until I make myself sick but that phrase right there SHOULD erase that. IF something were to happen to me- HE IS STILL GOD. If, my worst nightmare, something happened to my husband or son, HE IS STILL GOD. Yes, there would still be pain and hurting and tears and struggle and doubt and fear, but HE IS STILL GOD and HE HOLDS THE PLAN. My prayers are with your friend as she battles for her life. Being 33 weeks pregnant myself I can't imagine loosing her at this point- how tragic for this family. They are in my prayers. As are you as you battle these fears WHILE TRUSTING & KNOWING that HE IS STILL GOD!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. everything about this is perfect, amen sister. sure love you, i needed to read every bit of this

      Delete
  18. I can't even begin to imagine what your friend and her family are going through, not only with losing sweet baby Charlie but her state as well. I have been praying for this sweet family that I don't even know as it just breaks my heart into a million pieces. The saying that God always has a plan and everything happens for a reason is so very hard for me to understand at times...so very, very hard....but I know it's true and although we don't have the answers and can't even wrap our minds around what they might be we have to just Believe, Believe that he knows what is best for us. Holding you and all who you love up in prayer. Big Hugs being sent your way!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Hugging my baby tight, in tears after reading this. The pain must be unbearable for this sweet family. But Gods love is sufficient. His plan is right. Although its so unimaginable to try to understand the why in situations like these, all we can do is have faith, hug our sweet babies, and love them as much as we can while we are so blessed to have them. And try as we might to remember that everyday really is a gift. It is never more clear than in the moment of tragedy. Prayers for the family and all of the grieving hearts.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Casey! I am so sorry someone so close to you had to experience this tragedy, but your words hold so much truth. I struggle everyday with fear of the unknown and something happening to me or someone I love. I fear my sweet Landyn not having her momma, or dad or whomever. But I know deep down that I can't control things so far from my control. Thank you for always being so open and honest and reminding us that we are not alone in these hard feelings. Miss you friend. xo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. aw sweet friend, that blessed me a ton

      Delete
  21. What a beautiful and thought provoking blog!. I happened upon your blog the other day through Bloglovin and I'm so glad that I did. I am the type of person who thinks everything happens for a reason, but when sad things happen to people I begin to doubt; what reason could there be for any human to feel so much pain? Five years ago I lost my daughter during birth, and only five months after losing her I was in a car accident and lost my right leg! Talk about a year of loss and a pity party for me. But then one dark night, when I was ready to give up, Gods spirit came to me; I felt an over whelming feeling of love and comfort. God reminded me that I am one of his children and that he loves me, even through the hard times, and he hoped I wouldn't stop loving him during the hard times. I have found so much strength and love through God and through the wonderful people he has sent to me in my lifetime. Thank you for being so brave and sharing your story an your beautiful spirit with us! My prayers are with your friends and hope they may find comfort soon.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. oh my goodness, I dont have the right words to tell you how sorry I am for these losses. I am so so so sorry. I am grateful for your sweet and precious comment, it completely blessed me tonight. So grateful to connect with a new friend!

      Delete
  22. Oh my goodness. So sorry and hurt for you and your friends. I can't imagine losing a baby and praying the mommy recovers.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Thank you for blessing me with this post. My boy is one, and I often feel those feelings creep up on me, that I am his sole provider.... its like I become fixated on it. I would be absolutely devastated if something bad happened to him (like any mama)! I find my self in day-mares (as oppose to night-mare) that something horrible happened to either him or I but I can see from heaven how they are dealing with it all. Its TERRIBLE! I have to tell myself that GOD is in control, not me. I never had a fear like this until I became a mama. All of these comments are so encouraging. I will look back here next time I have a hard day.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. aw me too. I was just thinking these comments are SUCH a blessing!!!! love!!

      Delete
  24. ps. I am reminded of this song as I sit here and think of you and this sweet family.

    "In Christ alone my hope is found,
    He is my light, my strength, my song;
    this Cornerstone, this solid Ground,
    firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
    What heights of love, what depths of peace,
    when fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
    My Comforter, my All in All,
    here in the love of Christ I stand.

    In Christ alone! who took on flesh
    Fullness of God in helpless babe!
    This gift of love and righteousness
    Scorned by the ones he came to save:
    Till on that cross as Jesus died,
    The wrath of God was satisfied -
    For every sin on Him was laid;
    Here in the death of Christ I live.

    There in the ground His body lay
    Light of the world by darkness slain:
    Then bursting forth in glorious Day
    Up from the grave he rose again!
    And as He stands in victory
    Sin's curse has lost its grip on me,
    For I am His and He is mine -
    Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

    No guilt in life, no fear in death,
    This is the power of Christ in me;
    From life's first cry to final breath.
    JESUS COMMANDS MY DESTINY.
    No power of hell, no scheme of man,
    Can ever pluck me from His hand;
    Till He returns or calls me home,
    Here in the power of Christ I'll stand."

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ipl-rLRxOrs

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. wow, thank you so much precious friend

      Delete
  25. I've been thinking about and praying for this family ever since you posted.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Praying for your sweet friend and her family...oh mercy, what a horrible tragedy! As I've mentioned before, I struggle with fear and anxiety...fear of the unknown and fear of the "what ifs"....every.single.day...it's a moment by moment struggle for me. Every day....many, many times a day, I have to surrender it to God and just let go. Some days are better than others. This week was a particularly hard one for me. Our pastor spoke about struggles on Sunday...after church I learned that two sweet babies went to be with the Lord, even after thousands of people faithfully prayed for their healing. There is so, so much that we just don't understand. We just have to trust that God's got this...all of it. Especially when it doesn't make sense.

    Hugs,
    Rachel

    ReplyDelete
  27. "I'm not their God, He is." That is so true and something to take to heart as I raise my own little boy!

    ReplyDelete
  28. we will never fully understand the mind of God, the mystery...but i do know from personal experience that never am I as close to to the face of Jesus than when i am at the center of the worst suffering imaginable.
    and that is when i need to choose to pick up my cross and hold it high....and whisper over and over again..."Jesus I trust in you"....prayers for your friend, and prayers for you.

    ReplyDelete
  29. I am learning lately what it means to truly call God my refuge. A verse that I adore comes from Ruth 2:12, "May the LORD repay you for what you have done. May you be richly rewarded by the LORD, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge. " Ruth had faith and its such a blessing to have a God who truly does love us and holds all things in His hands. Let him hold you under his wing and may we all learn to find refuge in Him the way He has designed it.

    I love reading your blog. Ive never commented... but I adore how REAL & GENUINE you are <3

    with love,

    Aly Nickerson
    http://forsuchatimedesigns.blogspot.com/2013/10/my-refuge.html

    ReplyDelete
  30. I forgot to add this poem that I read this morning in my STREAMS IN THE DESERT devotional...

    “Measure thy life by loss and not by gain,
    Not by the wine drunk, but by the wine poured forth.
    For love’s strength standeth in love’s sacrifice,
    And he who suffers most has most to give.”

    ReplyDelete
  31. This post has touched my heart. You are so right that God has a "perfect plan." I do not understand some of the things that I am going through right now, but I know that God is using them for HIS good! He loves me and I am His child. Just like He loves you all too! His love and grace is AMAZING! More than we can even fathom. I do believe that He allows some things to happen to us so that we can help others that may go through a similar situation. It may be uncomfortable for us at the time and we can't understand the why, but then when we are able to help that one in need our eyes are opened to the why.
    I will be praying for your friend, her family and you.

    ReplyDelete
  32. I think all of the same things you do. I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your friends child. I can't even imagine and I don't understand why God allows things like this to happen either. If I think about it too much it drives me crazy and gives the enemy a foot hold to bring in fear and doubt in my heart. Thanks for sharing your raw emotions and heart.

    ReplyDelete
  33. I am so sorry to hear about your friend Casey. I love the way you speak of your faith so strongly you are a wonderful example. xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  34. I couldn't stop reading through the comments tonight as they are all so touching... Casey, I've been thinking of you and your friends since the IG post... My heart broke and I felt so very sad when I read the tragic news... I can't even let my mind go there with my family. I love your beautiful words, friend, and I feel the same way as you. My husband always tells me, if this home of ours was too perfect, we wouldn't long so deeply for Heaven. Two songs that always bring me comfort... "Abide With Me" and "Be With Me Lord." I love you, friend, and am forever grateful that I came to know you. xo

    ReplyDelete
  35. So good Casey. It seems like recently I have also heard so many stories of pain and death and your words are very timely for me. :) Thank you. Aloha!

    ReplyDelete
  36. Prayers for your friend, her son, and family. xoxoxo

    ReplyDelete
  37. Many prayers for your friend, her son, and family. xoxoxo

    ReplyDelete
  38. good stuff and praying for your friend. you can either feed the fear or starve it.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Bless your heart, sweet friend. This was one of the most beautiful posts I've ever read.

    ♥ God.Is.Good.
    ALL.THE.TIME.

    ReplyDelete