This summer & fall I have really wrestled through some questions. I have struggled with bad and good and why things happen and just keep coming back to the simple thought, I can't understand because I don't know the whole equation. This is earth, not heaven...and I can't possibly understand everything.That's just it. In a way I just cling to that, because I just don't understand it all. I heard once that earth is just a dot in eternity. a mist.
Why? Why are we here, why do such sad things happen to such wonderful people?
God really speaks to me through his creation... the crashing ocean and the sounds that accompany it, a gorgeous sunset.... the way the golden light reflects on the water, the beauty in my child's face and the way her dimple looks just like mine.
It's amazing...everything breathtaking was created by Him. Anything "man-made" is normally just some recreation of nature. His creation catches my breath, it makes me stop in my tracks and it makes me praise Him. His mighty hand.
I do believe that God knows us all differently and so He speaks to us in those ways.
This summer & again recently I have become fascinated with the story of Job. I keep coming back to it.
He lost everything. Everythinggggg. His body/health. His family. His income.
Yet he still had such faith. It amazes me. Sometimes it is hard enough to praise Him in the hard times..but everything? to lose literally everything? That is remarkable.
And I have so many questions.
A dear friend of ours has been fighting for her life this week. She was out of town for her brother's wedding and a driver veered into her lane and hit their car head-on. Her 2 sweet kiddos and husband were just living life as usual and in a moment their world was rocked by the news that their mama was in a terrible accident. Her sweet babe in her womb saved her life and was taken to heaven. If she had not been so pregnant with sweet Charlie then she most likely would have been killed on impact.
Our bodies break. Her body was crushed in the crash.
It is moments like these that I am tested, my fear wants to take over. I desperately want to understand. Then I start thinking, haven't I said all this before? My struggles may never change? Am I just writing these same thoughts out over & over again?
I was just telling Chris... I have to remember that He is good. He has a plan. He loves my babies more than I can imagine.
I am not their God, He is.
I just say it over & over to myself.
Every time I think about our friend.... her husband saying goodbye to Charlie alone, I am instantly brought to tears.
In time...all will be right.
Yes, we shall cling to that.
In time... all will be made good.
"In light of heaven, the worst suffering on earth, a life full of the most atrocious tortures on earth, will be seen to be no more serious than one night in an inconvenient hotel."