a heavy cost.

December 05, 2013



She clenches onto me. She is so sick and she looks at me with tired eyes, she needs me. She sleeps by my side, I can feel her breathe and I flinch at her every move. I am tense and awake, so I watch her sleep, her small chest rising and falling... the small sweet air that flows from her tiny lips.


 My life battle will be fighting fear on these babies behalf. I love them each so fiercely it makes my head spin. I was recently thinking about how I am not the "advocate" of anything. Maybe I should be.  

Anything confrontational usually has me running in the other direction.
I mean.. we co-sleep, I nursed my babes ( all for different lengths) & also gave them bottles, we aren't big on schedules, I like them to move at their own pace.... the list goes on. But sometimes when we feel so strongly about our own choices it makes other mamas feel less about their choices. I have opinions but how do I know my opinions are best for your babies? With social media these days I feel like my feeds are filled with wars on c sections, breastfeeding, co-sleeping, the list goes on ( all the hot / heavy topics). Sometimes things don't work, or they don't work for a family or for a person or for a baby. The only thing that I want to fight for is that mamas can choose what is best for them guilt-free. That they can find their way. Don't we have enough battles to fight already? fear, letting go, mama guilt....do we really need to add to that by making each other feel bad?

What if our war on something sent someone down a path they weren't meant to go?

Our platforms, no matter the size, need to be carefully done. 

 When I was a new mama I didn't even know that co-sleeping was a "thing". I just knew that I had mega hormones going on and I wanted Aiden right by my side. Our birth story was wild and his NICU stay tore my heart in shreds, I just wanted him near me. Then both my girls came and loved their cribs... each child different, each needing their own journey, their own way. I am just going to move as they do.... not set on any agendas. 

 When Apple was born, Ainsleigh started creeping into our room in the night and you better believe my heart was soaring that she wanted to snuggle up and sleep in my arms. But that was her idea, we let them move and be. It doesn't work for everyone.  Today she was sick, I held her limp body in the kitchen and asked her if she wanted me to slowly dance to Christmas music as she closed her eyes. We are writing the stories and the memories today that our babies will cherish tomorrow. We are molding them now.

I heard a story once about this man who had a dream. It was very in depth but the gist of it was about believers intentionally and very much non-intentionally tearing each other down. Just because you have a conviction in your heart, doesn't mean that God has the same plan/purpose or way for another.

I think in this day with social media and sharing so much easier...really at anyone's fingertips, we need to realize the weight of our voices. It could be a heavy cost. 

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57 comments:

  1. casey thank you for this! I just started writing a post about social media and the uncertainty, questioning and frustrating that it has led me to as a new mom. I end up comparing how my baby sleeps (or really doesn't sleep), how I "should" be putting her to bed and letting her cry and it is really stressing me out. I'm realizing I'm missing these precious moments with a baby that we waited years for and I don't want to look back at the time and realize I wasted it worrying if I was doing it "right." thanks for the reminder to keep doing what is working for us and what i think is best for my baby.

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    1. YES! This is so how I felt with aiden and I just feel like its so sad!!! sure love you friend!!! xoxo

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  2. that plumb song makes me sob, every single time I hear it. Love you friend

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  3. Goosebumps. Such an important reminder.

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  4. I am not a mama (hopefully, I'm not YET a mama), but this hit with me so hard. My baby sister is the new mama to a four month old (as of tomorrow), and I feel like she's been hit with quite a bit of "well-meaning" shame. She's the twenty-five year old vice president of a non-profit, and her little girl goes to daycare in the mornings. Because she feels so comfortable with the people she leaves her with, she's able to advocate for other families, as well as her own. She would never think less of a working mother or a SAHM or whatever choices they decide to make, but it's hard for me to understand the remarks I've heard about mothers who work out of the home, mothers who don't breastfeed for at least six months, mothers who use painkillers in childbirth, etc., and the judgment from women about choices different from their own. I wish every mother had your view: that what works for one mother may not work for another.

    Thank you, Mrs. Wiggles :)) you've once again made me think more than I intended to.

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    1. thank you so so so much for sharing this, means a lot to me :)

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  5. Oh, I love this.
    You wrote this beautifully.

    -Angie

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  6. casey. there's some good stuff here. i love how tender and devoted a mother you are. your kids undoubtedly feel so loved by you.

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    1. aw bridg youre my fav, just move to texas already ;)

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  7. Beautifully written & what a good mumma heart you have...

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  8. such great timing! i just wrote a post about mama guilt and mama shaming. it's not just on social media, too. i feel like whenever i go out in public, i have to be extra careful about how i look as a mama. how i'm interacting with my son because some other mama out there is judging me. i'm 9 months pregnant and i drink coffee. it's my choice. but it didn't stop some lady at starbucks the other day for giving me a lecture on how i'm killing my baby by consuming caffeine. (i ordered a tall half-caf latte... clearly that didn't make a difference to her)

    you're such a beautiful writer, casey!

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    1. oh my goodness, what in the world?!? one time when ains was teenie she spit up in the car and got her socks all wet....we had just pulled up to the store so we just ran in anyways... some lady gave me a lecture about taking my baby out with no socks on! unreal!

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  9. This is so beautiful and so true.

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  10. This whole post is gold... Especially the last paragraphs. I am tucking it away for the future whenever my future kids and reads bring the (seemingly) inevitable mama's guilt. I like to think I will be beyond all of that, but I am sure it will still lurk in the dark shadows!

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  11. This is so so good and really ministered to me. Sometimes I can be so opinionated and its so good to hear that my way is not necessarily everyone's way. Gotta do what works for each baby...each Mama...and treasure those still small moments when we get them. They are grown so fast! My third precious baby...Ezra...is about to turn 6 months and it makes my heart hurt just thinking about him getting older!! Thank you friend...you're a blessing to me!!

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  12. this was a beautiful post. Its a good reminder to be mindful of how we convey our beliefs and parenting choices on our blogs.

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    1. thank you so much, means a ton friend!!

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  13. Oh Casey, this is amazing. These are thoughts I have been having for a very long time but haven't been able to verbalise so articulately. I'm going to share your post on my blog and social media as i really believe this is such an important issue, so many mothers / health workers have wonderful intentions behind their sharing and 'being an advocate' for something these days, and although their intentions are good, there is possibly a huge cost for those of us that haven't been so successful in that area or have simply made other decisions based on our families needs.. So much unnecessary guilt is projected onto new mothers these days that they are left stressing about every little detail instead of being able to enjoy the beautiful gifts that God has given us... everyone's journey is different and you have explained that beautifully, sensitively and with wisdom we can all respect and appreciate.

    Thank you beautiful lady,

    Aanika x

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  14. This is amazing Casey! I have always felt that every family had different needs. We really need to extend mercy, grace and love to all mamas!! It is painful when I think of the judgemental/unforgiving "advice" being distributed...because it is the child who suffers. May the Lord help us all be discerning with what we take from others and what we put into action. It could definitley be a heavy cost! xoxo

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  15. Beautiul post! I'm not a mother, but I found this so moving. We all have such individual contexts and needs that to try and establish a dominant norm seems so limited, and I can't imagine forcing a child to do things in a specific way with no true objective reason is the best way to nurture. Thank you for writing!

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  16. Love this! Especially the part about how it can be done so easily, non-intentionally. I know how hard it is to raise my baby with the focus on her needs and on pointing herto Christ without allowing others' choices and sometimes their comments regarding their choices to draw my focus away. I never EVER want to do that to someone else. Thanks for the post. I love it! :)

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  17. as usual, so beautifully said. couldn't agree more!

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  18. Thank you so much for these words. I feel as though they were written on my heart. I feel so much the same as you do regarding you little ones. I remember when Iwas pregnant Iresearched everything about my baby. All the techniques and the how to's and right from wrongs. But than when she was born it all went out the window. Our hearts seemed to beat as one and my mind became intuned to her rhythm and we learned to dance regardless of what others
    thought Iknew in my heart that I was doing what was right for her in that
    moment. Every child and mother is different and no one thing will be right for everyone but that doesn't mean we shouldn't support one another. Let's build eachother up - motherhood is tough but all you Mama's out their are doing a
    wonderful job!
    Love, brittany at www.filteredforpurity.com

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  19. Thanks for writing this. I feel like the internet is a wonderful tool, but it can also be used to a bad effect. I quote Al Fox when I say, "Use the internet for good." There is already so much uncertainty to being a parent anyway... be content with the job you are doing because it IS good enough. I love this so much!

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  20. Ah! So love this. Thank you, again, for reminding me and putting my nerves at ease for the way I do things. I am my own person, molding my own memories for the little people that depend so much on me. Still working on my co-sleeping post I emailed you about. You are the best!

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  21. poor little babe :( hope she feels better casey. you're a beautiful and inspiring soul!

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  22. Amen! You wrote beautifully what I've always felt. ;)

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  23. beautiful! our god weaves each of our life's tapestry in different ways. none of them look the same...just like a snowflake. his plan for one family may not be the same for another. we have always relied on him to guide us in how to grow our littles. i know that some may not agree with some of our ideas and that's ok. it's liberating to know that we don't have to answer to anyone but him. :) happy weekend sweet friend!

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  24. Amen, amen, AMEN. I love the part where you said just because you have a conviction in your heart, doesn't mean it's the same for everyone else. I was so guilty of this my first year of motherhood, but have done a 180 since we got out of the first year and definitely after I had another child.

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  25. funny this subject has been on my mind lately. beautiful words!!! thank you.

    beth-ann
    campanywhere.blogspot.com/

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  26. hope your little one feels better soon.

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  27. Your posts move me to tears! I tell my (almost adult) daughter all the time, Parenting is doing what you feel is right for your child at the time, and learning from your mistakes in the future. Each parent has to do what they feel is best for their (each) child. Period.

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  28. Perfectly said Casey. Life is so short (that is my fear--my life will be cut short and I won't see my children grow to become Christians or into adulthood and I won't grow old with Dan--fear and anxiety sucks up so much time and my health!). Life is too short and we are only on this dying earth for a short season --it's during that season we have to promote hope,love,peace, and Christ. It's our job to encourage one another--because everyone really is fighting their own battle. That's my conviction. Nursing/baby wearing, co-sleeping are all little things that women make into BIG things because we get passionate about it--because it's about motherhood (and I’ve done them all and at different times). I know when I work (I work off and on as a pharma rep) that I hear comments that hurt my feelings. And though those comments are sweet and meant to encourage (i think) it is difficult to hear. I am geared to work at times and other times I enjoy staying at home full time. Those women (because it's never a man) who comment cause me to pause sometimes and question everything---then I wonder who I am trying to please and follow--the Lord, myself, or them?! I have been home full-time since June--and last week Dan and I started praying about if I should go backor not--pt or full-time-- just asking the Lord to open a door if he wanted me to work-- then I started to fear what everyone would say or think. After praying--I was approached 2x unsolicited about working. In these times I fall on my kneeds and just pray for positive women and people around me. I am here for an audience of 1. It's hard enough being a working mother---but having people question it-- is something I have difficulty dealing with. We are all different people/moms and walking down different paths----we have to allow to Lord to convict and guide---and that is so difficult to do when we have good intentional passionate women around us. Thank you for sharing. It was perfect timing for me to hear.

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    1. aw i sure love you so much, so thankful you shared this

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  30. Oh my this is just what I learned in my Bible study this week! I knew in my heart something felt off about my friends telling me that their personal convictions should be my personal convictions, but I didn't have a verse to back me up. So if you want to look it up Romans 14:1-6 talks about personal convictions, and I really liked Romans 14:16 "Do not let what is for you a good thing be spoken of as evil."

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    1. im soooooo glad to know this verse!!!!!

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  31. Beautiful words. Love your heart, Casey. :)

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  32. I don't usually comment - but just want to say a hearty AMEN to all that you've said here…so much truth, said in a beautiful way. Thank you. Refreshing grace to my heart tonight. Also, have you heard the album "Blink" by Plumb? Beautiful music for mommys and babies….

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  33. my favorite post of yours! you are beautiful!!

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  34. Such a beautiful post, Casey - as always. Your writing is so beautiful and never fails to move me. I've read every post of yours for the past year and a half, but shamefully have never commented, which ends now.

    Love, love your heart and your precious beautiful children. Thank you for showing that being a mama + loving on little children is NOTHING to be ashamed of...it's the most important "job" in the world. <3

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  35. holy cow .. that was awsome and powerful!!

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  36. I love all of this. The key is to be in tune with your babies and what works best for your family!. I wish us mamas would band together and light each other up, share info, share stories...not judge and tear each other down.

    hope your sweet girl is better...nothing is worse than sick babies.

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  37. Thank you for your words. It's so easy for us to take pride in our decisions and our children, but it is also so wrong. My first child was a great temperament and 'easy' baby but my second has been very difficult and it has been so humbling beyond words. I am still struggling a year later with him but am trying hard to run to The Lord with everything. I appreciate the grace and mercy you have written about and hope that others can turn to Christ rather than a book or an opinion/idea.

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  38. This is so so good. Love your sweet heart Casey! Xo!

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