I have missed you.

February 25, 2014



Today I was thinking about this space and this little blog and realized that sometimes, maybe moreso in the last year, I have let this space be a place of deep thoughts and processing and pictures but a little less of the silly in between stories. I have fallen victim to the "does anyone really care if..." and realized today what a loss that is. What a loss that is for this blog. Because the little moments, the silly inbetweens are good. I mean, this space started for me. and whether anyone wants to read them or not, ya know....they need to come back here. I want them here. I want to have written down about how Ainsleigh doesn't know when is the right time to say "I forgive you." It's the cutest/greatest ever. She will knock something over and say..." oh no! Im so sorry! Mom, it's okay...I forgive you!" ahhh, so cute! I can't ever correct her!

And how today I got my haircut and realized that Mickey, my dear friend and hairdresser, has been doing my hair since I was 14 years old. That is 16 years. Every 5 weeks for 16 years I have sat in his chair...through life changes, breakups, proms, college graduations, marriage, 3 babies, loss, crazy life decisions. He  has been there through it all. It's amazing because every time I sit in his chair we start with small talk and somehow end up talking of faith and heaven and life and all the heavy stuff. He means so much to me and knows me so well and I want to remember all of that here!

How on Valentine's day night Chris and I ate Panda Express in the mall and saw Frozen and as sad as that could sound it was like my dream date. I love kid movies, I love mall food (also put ballpark food in this category), I love a big buttery popcorn and a night with my guy.

I want to write about how I am falling in love with photography and how the same girl who is afraid to leave her babies to run to the grocery store or a date night has been asked to go to Africa twice in the past 6 months...took a leap both times ready to say yes and both have fallen through. And here's the kicker...I actually have been heartbroken over this. I found myself driving today actually aching to be missing out on this trip this summer. I'm thinking...I am terrified of planes and leaving my kids and yet....yet I am aching to be missing this. God must be moving in me, changing me, stirring me....something is happening here with this. He is planting new desires in my heart. There is more to this than I probably can even see at this point.

How I feel torn sometimes. Between wanting to be here...the same girl I have always been and allowing myself to change and be someone new. Torn between wanting to take bigger leaps like traveling the world and taking photos in amazing places and pushing myself to do things that move my soul in unimaginable ways...and staying safe in the shell I have been in for so long.

There are so many random things...and in a way, I don't always know where they fit here. Buy I want them to...even if they don't flow well or seem like a jumble, mess of thoughts...I think they need a spot. The in-betweens. So I guess I am going to push myself to do just that. Write more of the random stuff, more of the day to day and worry less about who is reading or caring and sharing more of just me.

Cheers to you random thoughts, I have missed you.

57 comments:

  1. Beautiful post Casey. I can relate in so many ways. Stay true to your heart and speak to god. He is always by your side through it all <3

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  2. Casey, I'm glad I saw this post. I have felt this same way. Blogging can take on a life of it's own, and sometimes it makes little room for what was simple, silly, and unsophisticated. There's nothing to blog if we haven't lived, so cheers indeed to random thoughts...because good living is good blogging. (BTW. Looking forward to meeting you in March. :))

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    1. ahhhh you have no idea how excited I am to squeeze you in March!!!!!!

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  3. Yes Casey! I am reading and I love it!!

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    1. awwww i love you friend! always so good to me!

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  4. Love these random thoughs - they are what make up life after all :) X
    www.femmegypsy.com

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  5. I am glad that you are back to writing about the everyday stuff! It's why I started reading in the first place, and I love it :)

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  6. Love this post and the truth that comes with it! Sometimes the in-between moments are the best ones. :)

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  7. Couldn't agree more!!! Beautiful post, love the random thoughts!!! We are hosting a link-up called "It's the little Things" each week, which would be perfect for this!!!! :)

    wordsaboutwaverly.blogspot.com

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  8. Yes, loved this post! The little in-betweens are as much important and beautiful as any 'big' things happening... Cheers for more random thoughts! xx

    www.maellesmarie.blogspot.fr

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  9. LOVE this!
    sometimes random thoughts just make up the perfect amount of emotions.
    They are like my mini day dreams ALL day long.

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  10. Love this! Love reading your "random thoughts", also known as, your beautiful memories. I read a quote recently that said, "Time stands still best in moments that look suspiciously like ordinary life." by Brian Andreas. Thanks for the inspiration to sit down at my blog more (it's private since we are military) and write down more of my own random thoughts. : )

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  11. These are the kind of thoughts I love to read! Thanks for sharing!

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  12. I love reading your honest everyday thoughts. You have a way of stirring things in people because of that honesty. I am jealous of your intuition, your ability to know that something is stirring inside. A magical moment that you feel you should experience. I relate to your not wanting to leave your babies, it's hard. I however feel lost. I have been feeling that there is something more that I'm suppose to be doing. I feel that my life should be more than what it is. I just haven't figured out what it is yet. Thank you for your honesty, your vulnerability, your true beautiful self.

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  14. Posts like these from you are some of my favorites...random thoughts and everyday life! Love your writing and your sweet, sweet family!!!

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    1. aw this makes me smile, so so sweet friend!

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  15. Yay! I love the deep stuff, too, but I like the funny, random things just as much, if not more. I think those random things show who you are :-). Can't wait to read!

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  16. Casey I feel like you and I are such kindred spirits! I love reading your random thoughts as well as your deep thoughts! Thank you so much for sharing your heart!
    Courtney
    www.fromtheheartofabutterfly.blogspot.com

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  17. Casey I feel like you and I are such kindred spirits! I love reading your random thoughts as well as your deep thoughts! Thank you for sharing yourself!
    Courtney
    www.fromtheheartofabutterfly.blogspot.com

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    1. aw thank you so much sweet friend, truly

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  18. Casey, I love this post! Please keep sharing all the good little in-betweens with us. They are precious!

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  19. looooooove and at the risk of sounding like an 8 years old Frozen is the BEST movie I have seen in a long time. :)

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  20. I had to leave work and get Panda Express for lunch just because you mentioned it! Thanks for the everyday stuff and everything else you put into your blog. I enjoy much :-).

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    1. ahhhh this just made me smile so so big!!!

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  21. I love this case. It's like your saying, hey the in-between and the mess and the crazy is okay. You know, it's what makes us humans and what brings us together. Those times that you don't write about when you and Chris stay up all night laughing so hard you cry.. or that time you tried to cook an awesome dinner and the whole thing just kind of caught on fire in your kitchen. I agree with you too, sometimes I think i want my space to be less planned and more spontaneous.. more of what life really is. It's hard to find that balance. but like everything, you do it well sweet dear. Can't wait to hug your neck in a month!

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  22. Thank you- I've been thinking lately how you haven't been having your heart truely on your blog, it's so refreshing to to read this. I want to read these things about you and I'm sure all the other ladies do too

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    1. Thank you so much for this...I know! I have known for awhile honestly. I just was processing putting my whole self out there and dealing with the negativity and just pulling back and I guess I have just decided... I can't worry about the negativity. Not everyone will like me or agree with me and I have to accept that. I have to let myself be free in this space without holding back because that is what this space is for in the first place you know!

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  23. This is my favorite post of yours, by far! Totally get your mall date---my husband and I had a date last night just gabbing while he did the dishes and I cleaned the kitchen. It's the little things (and little thoughts) that make our lives special. Thanks for sharing :)

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  24. I love the "normal" of this post...so grounded and cozy.

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  25. Posts like this remind me that you are human, just like me! So many days I read through the new posts on all my favorite blogs (this one is obviously included!) and I kind of feel bad about myself because my life is no where near as perfect as the writers' lives are even on their bad days. At least that's how it seems with all the beautiful pictures of clothes/food/house/kids. But I get it, a picture of Panda Express isn't so cute on a blog so no one wants to post that haha thank you for reminding me that everyone has the "in between the beautiful picture" moments. Your heart and passion for your life shine through the most simple posts as well, so please keep them coming!

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  26. Posts like this remind me that you are human, just like me! So many days I read through the new posts on all my favorite blogs (this one is obviously included!) and I kind of feel bad about myself because my life is no where near as perfect as the writers' lives are even on their bad days. At least that's how it seems with all the beautiful pictures of clothes/food/house/kids. But I get it, a picture of Panda Express isn't so cute on a blog so no one wants to post that haha thank you for reminding me that everyone has the "in between the beautiful picture" moments. Your heart and passion for your life shine through the most simple posts as well, so please keep them coming!

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  27. Posts like this remind me that you are human, just like me! So many days I read through the new posts on all my favorite blogs (this one is obviously included!) and I kind of feel bad about myself because my life is no where near as perfect as the writers' lives are even on their bad days. At least that's how it seems with all the beautiful pictures of clothes/food/house/kids. But I get it, a picture of Panda Express isn't so cute on a blog so no one wants to post that haha thank you for reminding me that everyone has the "in between the beautiful picture" moments. Your heart and passion for your life shine through the most simple posts as well, so please keep them coming!

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  28. Yay!! I love everything you write!! Day to day stuff is fun because it's like reading a good book that you never want to end! Stay beautiful, friend, and always trust in God with all your heart. xo

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  29. It's amazing how God works. I love that you wrote this post. As I was reading through your blog the other day I realized you didn't have very many posts where people could comment. A lot of them were sponsored giveaways or "what we wear" or things like that with a few "on my heart" posts in between. I get why bloggers do those impersonal posts for their pay, but I personally gravitate towards real life posts. Day to day emotions and thoughts. You inspire me, and I love having your inspired and very well thought out words to uplift and inspire me. Thank you for being so in tune with yourself and sharing your thoughts with us; it means so much.

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  30. I LOVE this so much and got me to thinking about WHY I BLOG: http://www.marawolff.com/blog/2014/2/28/why-i-blog

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