the last time.

September 04, 2014


With our commute in to take Aiden to school I have more time in the car, which means more time to just be still and think. More time to reflect on how I feel like God is moving in my heart, more time to think about being intentional, more time for all the thoughts.

Someone recently shared this writing with me for parents about how there is always a last time and it made my heart just ache. Like really ache. I mean, I sooo love watching them grow and soar and change but the reality of the last times really is hard in some ways. In reading the list I realized how many had already passed. Like there was a moment I had Aiden on my hip, I set him down and without even realizing it, it had been the very last time I would ever hold him that way. The big moments are easier to recognize as they pass but some of those little moments are sneaky, they slowly slip away and it isn't until time has passed that you realize that they are gone forever.

Of course you gain new moments that are worth everything, but those sweet little moments with tiny hands and eager hearts are slipping. And it makes me ache sometimes when I face it.

Chris has been in Africa for two weeks, he finally will get home on Saturday but each night I have  fallen asleep with one of my kiddos in my arms. Sometimes I feel like I can't hold them tight enough or long enough....even when I feel like I am soaking in every last drop of their smallness, sometimes it feels like that isn't enough.

I am okay with the ache though. I love them so much and know that the world needs people like them in it. Watching them grow into those people will be life's greatest blessing to me.

i love you babies.

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19 comments:

  1. Can so relate! Been thinking many of these same thoughts as mothering my brood seems to be slipping away so fast!

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  2. Oh honey I can so relate! My daughter will be two this month and still breastfeeds. I know that time is coming to an end. She wants it a little less each day. I try as hard as I can to hold on, and watch her, and memorize it all. I know that once she's done, there won't be another time where we can just stare into each other's eyes in silence without it being weird to her. :)

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    1. oh this is so sweet, be still my heart!

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  3. Your love for your children is beautifully illustrated in the way you write. I don't have children of my own, but I can feel some of that same pull of the lasts as an Aunt. I remember how heartbroken, yet excited I was when my youngest niece called me "Auntie" instead of "Onnie" for the first time. It's amazing to see them grow and turn into people with personalities and habits and interests of their own.

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  4. Will you share the writing anout last times that you are talking about?

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    1. it was in my facebook feed, gonna go search for it now!!

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  5. I do this every.single.day. I look at their tiny fingers wrapped around mine and I find my mind thinking WAIT, keep hold, don't let go of my hand, because I know one day their hand won't automatically reach out to find mine and I'll still be left reaching for theirs. Love reading your words and seeing your beautiful pictures!! Thank you!

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  6. i think of this all the time. its bitter sweet as is life..... I'm thankful God has given me the stillness to savor these moments because i treasure them so much... being a mom is the greatest reward ever

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  7. my little one is 13 months, hes currently in the 'walk 5 steps and then fall stage', so this post is really sentimental and tear provoking because he hangs on me right on my hip just like you said, and soon this will be gone and he will want to walk on his own independently. Im so glad you posted this today, ill be soaking up every last little cruise on mamas hip these next few weeks. www.tessarayanne.blogspot.com

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  8. Ugh, it must be in the air, maybe with school starting and kids growing. I have felt the same way this week... that even though I gain things with my kiddies growth, there are things that I have to say goodbye to, and my heart has been mourning. What a joy it is to have the experience of motherhood. What a reward it is to love something so much you never want to let it go...

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  9. I can so relate to this... I don't even have kids. But with grandparents, my doggie getting older and sick.... I love when you post stuff from the heart! : )

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  10. This is so beautiful. I've found myself coming back to this post of yours, as the days are hard sometimes. My husband is deployed and it's easy to get tired....just weary as I go through the day-to-day things with two little ones and one on the way. I love the reminder that these last times do pass unnoticed and to cherish the every-day. Every moment. : )

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