the long rain.

January 01, 2015

As I look back on 2014 I see the word surrender. Surrendering to control, surrendering to dreams, to trying to make things go a certain way. 2014 was full of things that were completely out of my control, time and time again I was forced to surrender. My tight clenched hands were pryed open one by one. At one point, with hands full abandon, knees on the floor- I surrendered. It felt so good. His plan is better anyways, whynot just hand it over and enjoy the ride. 

I read this beautiful sentiment this week 

"We can't plan God-ordained opportunities. All we can do is seize them. (So Draw the Circle.)... God is great not just because nothing is to big for Him; God is also great because nothing is too small... God is the Architect. Your life is His blueprint."

I love this for so many reasons. Christmas this year was one that I will never forget. I literally have a picture of myself climbing out of a huge messy hole and stepping into the light, filled with beautiful fresh greens after a perfect spring rain. The hurt, the struggle, the surrender- that all makes us who we are. It brings us each to different outcomes but at the end of the day it makes up the pieces of who we have become. This year we surrendered our home, our pride (American Blogger) , our dreams. We lost another baby. We moved. and moved again. We got put in situations that stretched us. We cried, we grew, we changed. 

Seeds were planted though. Seeds that didn't make sense. But then sometime around November as tiny sprouts began to emerge, I saw that beautiful glimmer of hope that I faithfully held onto in my heart. Then sprout after sprout began to peek through and as they did I began to run with arm stretched faster and faster towards that light.

Thank you for reading here. For following our journey, for letting us offer pieces of ourselves and our story to you. Having this sweet space to change and grow and process has blessed me in ways beyond what I can explain.