August 16, 2015

Here are some more photos from our Texas beachy road trip. As summer comes to a close, my sentimental mama heart is beginning to ache. It feels less scary than last year but still the constant pull to clench my fists. 

Again the prying open of each finger as I let my baby soar. First grade seems so big to me, seriously where does the time go? I have soaked up every single second of summer with my boy.... road trips, fishing, beach time, late night convos sealed with sweet bedtime prayers, help in the kitchen, playdates, climbing a mountain, dinosaur puzzles and late night dance parties. 

Aiden's tender heart is something I pray every night that God protects. 

As a young girl I prayed similar prayers for my little brother....a precious taste of how motherhood would move me. 

Grateful that I get one more year before my Ainsleigh girls heads off to kindergarten. The busyness of the year begins this week. I mourn the loss of slow mornings and long summer days but smile at the thought of how my baby boy thrived last year. Excited to see what this year holds for him.

I find old posts in my drafts all the time- posts that I will begin and never finish, thoughts that I process out and then hold back on hitting publish with...

so here are a few snippets of posts that I wrote at the close of Aiden's first year of school,

Aiden has had all of his end of the year parties this week, his last day I cried a hundred tears. I love seeing him growing and changing but goodness it is tough! He has kept the toothfairy in full business with 5 teeth lost this year. He finished a soccer season, a basketball season and a baseball season. His tender heart and soft spirit got to bless a whole class of kiddos this year at school and the stories that came home were day after day priceless. 

He may have even had his first crush this year ;). It's sweet because I realized more than ever this year that whoever my kids love...that person has my entire heart. It gave me a teeny itsy glmpse into the day that he falls in love and adds another daughter to our family. To the woman that will win my boy's heart someday, well she already has mine. Because anyone Aiden loves will be so special. 

Aiden's heart is so beautiful, seeing how he loves and sees the world is life changing. 

Ainsleigh finished her first year of ballet and had her first recital. Her contagious joy and smile are as infectious as ever. Literally lights up every room that she walks in. She has this confidence and strength about her that leaves me in awe. She loves the camera, she loves the stage, she loves being social- she's a ball of light that touches anyone in her path. In the same way I think about and pray for Aiden's future wife, I think often about who will marry my Ains. I think about how bad I want to protect her heart from the world, from all the lies that the world will tell her as she begins to navigate life as a young woman. How bad I want to concrete truths into her little heart now so that they are sealed there forever and always. 

My little Appie is as precious as ever. Since literally she was able to communicate she wanted a baby by her side. She always has one in her arm, she rocks them, bathes them and even falls asleep at night feeding them. Her mothering instincts are thick and full! Even our sweet teenie maltipoo, Ellie is seeing the benefits of it. Appie has her swaddled and snuggled 24/7. Apple is such a sweet mix of my Ains and my Aiden. She also has so much Chris in her. This little peanut makes us all laugh and makes us all smile....can't imagine one second of life without her. 

I thank God every day for this little angel. She is so full of light and life, I can't believe shes mine. She has such a tender spirit, she loves her mama and wins for the best snuggles. 

The constant reality of loss and life has kept me day after day focused on motherhood in a really precious way. It has kept me teetering between a spiral of fear and an overwhelming gratitude that this gift is here with me today. Little lives that bless me and touch me and shape me day after day. Night after night I fall asleep with them in my arms and think "this is motherhood". Having my babies safe and sound in my arms, no one afraid, no one longing for this or that- just a content little soul slumped in my arms. 

I was quietly folding the laundry, a job that seems mundane and repetitive but one that today I felt gratitude for. As I folded each tiny sock and each small shirt I couldn't help but be overwhelmed with thanks. 

 Perspective will lead you to a place of gratitude. It always leads there. 

I love this crew so much.