Like a journal.

April 27, 2016

A few weeks ago I text Danielle and sent her an article I had seen- it felt convicting and so I wanted to hear her thoughts on it. Isn't it the best to have a friend you can send those hard conversations to? The ones that really need processing through? We talked a lot about it throughout the day and those conversations led to the nudge to do a biblestudy together. I have always felt my personal connection with the Lord strong- moved by music and prayer. Moved by nature and even simple moments with my family. I can see Him in all of it. But reading my bible daily was more of a struggle- so we decided to pursue it. I wanted to be intentional. And I know that when you seek the word, it can literally come alive.

In such a season of trusting the Lord with this sweet new life growing in me- taking the time to put the word present in my mind was something I felt was important. Not only that but I want to be intentional in the areas that don't come as naturally. It's easy for me to hide behind working from home, having three kids, being pregnant- all the business of life.... but I didn't want to do that. 

Danielle sent me this idea to do a study on Exodus. We have been reading for about two weeks now and even though I am behind on answering questions and I haven't daily done exactly what I hoped I would- I AM seeing stories and verses come alive for me. Moments in the day a thought will come up and I will think yes! This is the word coming to life in my mind. 

I am learning again how much God loves a good redemption story, how He loves to give people the chances to turn from their sin, to turn from their ways. How he gives chances for hard hearts to turn soft. 

Life is so busy right now- Aiden has about 5 or so weeks of school left and I started weekly progesterone shots at 19 weeks ( we are almost at 22 now)! Knowing this will be the last one is so bittersweet in moments. Just knowing a chapter will be closed- I guess maybe it's never easy to walk away from a sweet season of life? My heart has changed so much through all of our hurt. Each kick and flutter is so cherished, there isn't a moment I don't give up all my thanks. I love seeing how much each of our kiddos are growing and changing. It feels like this year has been leaps and bounds of growth for each of them in so many areas. 

I love seeing in this season what sponges they are. I can even hear it in their little prayers at night- how they repeat sentences that I say night after night or take a sweet conversation and process through it outloud. I often find myself at night saying "are you hearing this Lord?! "- I know He is, but their precious, pure thoughts and prayers coming out are something I will hold in my soul forever. 

I couldn't be more in love with them if I tried. I am not confident in many areas of my life, it's something I lack greatly...but when it comes to knowing that my kiddos will know how well loved they are- that I am confident 100%. 

It seems like life is speckled with these moments or wakeup calls when you realize again and again that life is short- perspective is everything... knowing that we get to wake up each day and experience LIFE...we get to breathe air and hug our babies and hear them laugh. It's all such a gift, a gift that I hope never ever to let go to waste, even for a moment. Love is everything.