Looking Back.

June 07, 2016



I was at church Sunday and the entire sermon had my mind swirling with feelings about how much it paralleled with our life the past 10 years. The overall message was how God takes really broken, hurtful seasons and He is working ( even though we most likely can't see it at all)...and He uses them for good and there is purpose in them. 

I was thinking about how much He has asked us to share every piece of our story and how honored I feel to do just that.

  It was about prayer and the whole time I was just thinking about how much of the first of our life together filled with losing babies and financial struggle and heartaches and all kinds of really really hard stuff and mess roads all led together in this unimaginable twine to where we are today. 

Every single bit of it makes sense now, which is almost crazy! 

Often times I feel like we are living an entirely different life....we are totally different people and God has been so sweet to us in the way that He has redeemed each tiny piece of our story. And I love so very much that I have blogged so much of the journey...because the redemption is here in my words for anyone to travel back through. Even for my own reminders. 

You can start with this post and think- she has completely lost her mind! Writing it seemed crazy, sharing that was crazy! But now 5 years later God has completely 20000% rocked our world and provided for our family in unimaginable ways. And I am so proud now that we took that vulnerable leap of faith to share it. Even when it was embarrassing. I am so amazed at how different our life looks, I truly give Him all of the glory. 

and how beautiful, He knew all along? When we were struggling and He was asking us to leap...He knew. 

I have shared about Chris walking away from his job when we had a negative bank account, no savings and how God made himself real to us when He provided what we needed to the dollar in that season. 

I had the honor of sharing how He met me at my darkest pain and how He covered me in those moments. I wrote about 3 NICU babies and 3 babies that went to Heaven early.
How compassion and tenderness comes from walking through loss. 
How lonely the road was. And yet.... through answers, we found a double rainbow....and I am able to share now the sweetness of Hope in this new life. 

How He led us through big leaps like starting an art studio and through the decision to make American Blogger. 

How Chris rode out in His kayak and prayed that if we were supposed to sell our house that a realtor we had met with a year before would email him sometime that month and it would be confirmation that that is where we were being led. And that the realtor text him within the same hour saying " I had it on my calendar to follow-up with you on this morning all these months later." A sold house and a move and again...redemption. 

I get to share everyday how Real our God is, and how real He makes Himself known to me. How three different times that year different women in my life had given me a message... all saying God put it on their hearts to share with me, all the same message, all the same verse. The same thing literally word for word from 3 women who have never even met or heard of each other. 

I get to share how God has humbled us and changed us.

I get to share our life.

And when we know our purpose and start running full speed towards it, it changes everything. It gives you a confidence that can't be shaken. The God I know is big and real and powerful and I believe He can take little me with my small story and He can make Himself known in a mighty way.

We have a responsibility to use the gifts we have been given. I believe that as we use them and put them on display for His glory, it's a beautiful picture of us returning them to Him. 

My life isn't mine to begin with, so I will gladly share it.