5 years ago yesterday we lost our first baby.
And exactly 5 years later we will bring our last baby home.
Late last night this little peach came to our house for the very first time.
Our redemption song.
I really believe it is by no accident that on the exact day, 5 years later God has given us our double rainbow to bring into our home...to shepherd and love and give our hearts over to.
It was her all along.
Just like Apple, my first rainbow.
It was them that I dreamed for and longed for and prayed for.
And today they are home.
They are everything- I am so grateful they are the ones in my story.
This man. I still can't drive from my c-section, he's driven me back & forth to the hospital countless times. The feedings I miss to be home with the big kids, he shows up for. Early mornings, late late nights. He's stepped in to make sure the big kids have fun before school starts next week- trips to the zoo and the movies.
Words can't express the way this man loves our kiddos. Selflessly and boldly. I also will never ever forget the way people have stepped into the gap this week. People taking our kiddos, sending love and encouragement. The list goes on. Yesterday was hard. We hate knowing she is sometimes at the hospital alone and not being held & snuggled. We also know she is in good hands and getting what she needs. Just reminding myself we will get back all these lost moments that we are missing with our last babe. ❤️
"To add a little context, this is a shot of all our kids side by side while they were each in the NICU. They all came between 35-36 weeks and they each had common Preemie issues like Respiratory problems and Jaundice. The CPAP machines would provide constant air pressure for their weak lungs and the Phototherapy would help them with the elevated Bilirubin levels (which causes Jaundice).
They each were delivered and immediately taken to the NICU while we went to recovery. The first time was the hardest, then somehow it got easier, probably because we knew what to expect and were able to prepare our hearts for what was ahead. Always trying to remember that our kids were given to us to disciple, guide and protect but He is the One who made them and gave them breath and they belong to Him. He knows every detail of their lives and He knows how the chaotic events that change our lives, as we trust and surrender our wills to Him, will accomplish His will through us.
Aiden was in the NICU for 12 days, Ainsleigh was in for 9 days, Apple for 11 days, and today is Adelaide's 14th day. So this is our 46th day of riding up the elevator, checking in, showing ID, checking our temps for entry, washing hands and arms and getting updates from their doctors and nurses just to get to hold their tiny bodies while maneuvering the tangle of wires that monitor a multitude of signals.
Even though this is nothing like our imagined "bringing baby into the world" story, we choose to trust the trustworthy Magnificent StoryTeller that all the turbulence, the triumphs, thrills, twists and turns in life are all part of This Temporary Timeline and all will be made right one great day. In Isaiah 41:10 God said, "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
Adelaide is doing great and hopefully will come home any day now.
Thanks for all the Prayers and comments of support!"
This is never the story that I would have picked but God did such a great beautiful work in us through it.
I am forever grateful for the way that He changed me forever through it.
For the ways He allowed me to open up these vulnerable pieces to our story to meet others in their losses and for the ways that people have rallied and prayed around our family through so much.
I can remember low, vulnerable moments- standing in the shower...broken, hurting, lonely. After our third loss ( 4 D&Cs) I started to listen to the whispers that we would never again bring a last baby home. People moved on and my heart stayed there. Bellies grew, time moved on , babies grew older and I remained.
Waiting. Longing. Praying.
She is here and she is dearly cherished.
Adelaide Grace, you are forever a picture of God's grace to me. The way He met us in our pain, the way He redeemed. The way He provided.
We love you baby girl.