The Fight to get to her.

June 06, 2019 you ever stop and think about life before motherhood, and what your worries and responsibilities looked like then?  As a mom it seems that we are constantly handed the opportunity to worry about our kids every moment of every day.  I want the best for my kiddos, and I want their little lives to be without pain and hurt, even though I know it will be part of their stories just like mine.  But it’s heart wrenching to imagine, and I want to fix all the what-ifs before they even happen.

I catch myself thinking of who they will become, and praying that their paths will be lined with all the joy and love possible, and that they will bless others with the same measure of joy and love.  I pray that they will be little lights that brightly shine, unhindered by the world when it wants them to play small.

So many dreams in my heart for these precious blessings that call me mama!

I remember standing in the shower just staring at the wall as the water poured over me. I felt frozen in time and my hope and energy was dwindling. I had just had my fourth D&C and I remember saying I don’t have any more in me to walk through another loss. I couldn’t keep doing it. 
There are 4 years from my first loss to my last. Cycles of first trimesters and losses and waiting again.

Look at this sweet baby cakes that was waiting on the other end of all that pain and that loss and that fight. This sweet little love who is obsessed with Toy Story and makes us all laugh every day. She is a light and a love and I can’t imagine not fighting for her to be here.