heartache.

September 13, 2011

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Heartache changes you. 

You know a lot of my biggest most life changing heartaches I haven't even blogged about. 

The thing about heartache is...it changes your perspective on life. 
It makes you softer (if you let it), it makes you more understanding (if you let it), it makes you love bigger and makes you more available to relate to others who share in hurt.

Has it made you bitter......what about hate God? 

Or have you let it change you, mold you?

This recent heartache, with the loss of Addison, has been so unbelievable in the way that people have reached out to me with their stories. 
I cry daily as I read through emails. It's unbelievable. A number of people have shared with me a book that I fully plan on reading.... the story is:

A young boy emerges from life-saving surgery with remarkable stories of his visit to heaven. Heaven Is for Real is the true story of the four-year old son of a small town Nebraska pastor who during emergency surgery slips from consciousness and enters heaven. He survives and begins talking about being able to look down and see the doctor operating and his dad praying in the waiting room. The family didn't know what to believe but soon the evidence was clear.Colton said he met his miscarried sister, whom no one had told him about, and his great grandfather who died 30 years before Colton was born, then shared impossible-to-know details about each.

I think Addison was a boy. 
I won't know until I get to heaven. But I have this beautiful image of me arriving in heaven and meeting a teenage boy, whom I immediately know is him. 
Everytime I picture it I cry. I like the hope of knowing that I will know Addison for eternity in heaven.

My friends, there is hope. 

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93 comments:

  1. i just love you, so much. i cant wait until you are reunited with your sweet, sweet boy. Hang in there... xoxox, ashley from TSP

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  2. That book changed my perspective and my life. I have hope now that one day I will see my two babies - a son and a baby I don't know the gender of. My mother passed away last year and I believe they were there to greet her. Heartache and loss is devastating, but there is still hope. Praying for you.

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  3. You will love that book - it is moving, uplifting and comforting all at once. I've been thinking of you since I learned about your loss and your sadness, and it is a good sign that you are feeling the love and support that so many of us--virtual "strangers"--are sending to you and your family. I pray for hope, healing and comfort for you, sweet girl!

    Take care of yourself and know that you are loved so very much!

    xoxo

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  4. my dear, you will be reunited with Addison and i will see my sweet sister again and the world will glitter with light and love.

    xoxo times a million.

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  5. i love you Casey! in the short amount of time that i have known you through your blog, i know that i truly love you and your beautiful, kind soul. i love your words of inspiration and strength. i am so happy for you to be able to see your sweet sweet Addison again and be reunited with him! :) i know families can be together forever. and you will be able to see him again!

    lovelovelove {always}

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  6. you are beautiful, and your hope and faith are inspiring! thanks for being you!

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  7. praying sweet sister. i am so overjoyed to know that there have been so many women reaching out to carry this alongside of you!!!! like i have said before, you are so precious & our Father has you taken care of as you rest in His will. Even in moments were you feel rest-less.....all of my love and prayers & i can't wait to share a play day in the sun!
    xoxoxox

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  8. Awww another beautiful post from you, friend! I love your heart!!! Can't wait for the day when you are reunited with Addison!!! Love ya!!! Xoxo

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  9. My goodness, I just got major chills. I haven't read that, but I heard about it. My cousin who was in the hospital said stuff like that about his brother who died last year. Interesting. Praise the Lord for that hope that we have!

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  10. I just love you sweet girl.

    And what you say about heartache is so true. I've been struggling with what it is I can say to you about all of this because I haven't experienced what you have. I even feel selfish sometimes because I read about your sorrow and it hurts me to see a friend hurting so and I feel guilty that I'm in a place where I don't even want to be a momma yet.

    I just hope that one day when we do sit down together I can take it all in (the wonderful spirit and soul you have) and use it to spread good to others.

    Also, your message about heartache causing hate in your heart toward God....I have been that girl. I'm not even sure if I'm past being that girl. There's a lot of heartache in us all. I hope I can have forgiveness for it all.

    Love you.

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  11. Sending you love!
    You are so right about letting heartache changing you and how it can change you for the better.
    Have a beautiful Wednesday!
    Jacqui
    www.babyboybakery.com

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  12. There is so much hope...and that is what we all need to cling to each day. No matter what goes on in life, there is always hope in Jesus. Love you, beautiful friend.

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  13. I just read that book yesterday. I think you will truly love it, it is amazing. A very fast and easy read but it definitely has a huge impact. A friend lent it to me many months ago when I was grieving like you and I finally had the strength to pick it up yesterday. The part where the Colton shared with his mother how he met his sister in heaven broke my heart and healed it right back up again. I miss my own miscarried baby SO much but it is such a comfort to know that your babies and my babies are not ever lost, they are ours forever.

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  14. Thanks for sharing your (God's) hope amidst grief.

    Fondly,
    Glenda

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  15. I admire the faith you have in God, It is something I could hardly imagine having to be so sure of something must be amazing.

    Having lost a baby myself (my 2nd) , I have felt that pain, it never goes away the only thing that dulled it was having my daughter.

    I believe the baby we lost was a boy as well.......

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  16. you are such a strong and beautiful person. thank you for being so inspiring, God is truly using you Casey Weigand, and your letting him, which is the hardest part. <3 camille

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  17. Such beautiful writing as always! Enjoy the rest of your time in California! God bless.

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  18. That book seems amazing! I want to read it! How Beautiful God would use a little guy to bless so many! Wow! Your faith is amazing!Your right there is still hope! That's the beauty of heaven. Praying you find continued rest and peace in Christ! xoxo

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  19. Amen! That was the biggest moment in the book "Heaven is For Real" for me. I cried through most of it and totally felt the holy spirit. I always read your blog, but rarely comment, but I KNOW you will see your little one in Heaven some day. And when you do, everything will make sense. God has the ultimate plan for us. Hugs!

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  20. I've heard a bit about that book, but now I am definitely going to seek out a copy. Thanks for sharing - you're in my prayers!

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  21. You are so right. Something like this is going to change you and the only choice in the matter is whether that is a good change or a bad change. I'm hoping that the California sunshine is good for your soul--I grew up in So Cal and it was good for mine. Hugs!

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  22. amazing. the image of your son in heaven also brought tears to my eyes.
    i definitely agree with your views on how heartache can change you in certain ways, depending on how you let it happen. my husband lost his father when he was 12 or 13, and just knowing him today, i know that that moment made him who he is today. he let tragedy shape him into a strong, confident, loving man, and i am obviously the most grateful for that :)
    praying for you.

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  23. PS-a couple quotes I pinned that go along with your post:
    http://pinterest.com/pin/144194460/
    http://pinterest.com/pin/144218606/
    http://pinterest.com/pin/144216205/
    http://pinterest.com/pin/143181096/
    http://pinterest.com/pin/144193680/

    Ok, I'll stop now. I have a good collection. :0)

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  24. I've never lost a child, but the absence of a baby in our lives is also heartbreaking. There is a quote I read once that it's hard sometimes for us to explain what it's like to mourn the absence of something in our lives, no matter what it is.

    Have you seen the movie "Rabbit Hole" with Nicole Kidman? It's about a couple that loses their child and one of the most profound moments in the movie was when she says losing her child is like carrying around a brick in her pocket: sometimes she feels the weight, other times she's used to the baggage. However, it's always there with her.

    Hugs, love and prayers to you.

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  25. I'm so sorry about your loss...I'm sure you will meet your Addison one day,but keep thanking God because you have a beautiful,wonderful family..I read your blog and share a lot of your thoughts, i am also a mother of a 4 months beautiful girl,who was born at 8 months(so I know about NICU and all the rest)and this changes your perspective completely.
    XXXVale

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  26. It's a wonderful thing to let life in. To let the hurt, the anger, the frustration, the sadness ... all of it get to you is something amazing. Not everyone opens up to the idea of being consumed by an emotion. But those who are have something that no many have. The ability to love fully because they know what it feels like to ache.

    You're beautiful.

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  27. Even through your heartache and sadness you still write so eloquently and touch so many of us.
    I have thought of you since your family's loss. I am going to get that book. Even without it, I KNOW there is a heaven. I have so many people up there waiting for me and until we meet again, watching over me.

    You are a beautiful soul and your Addison will watch over you...until you meet again.

    xo
    Roselle

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  28. Praying for you my sweet friend. Hope you are enjoying your CA vaca!

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  29. Im so behind on blogs :( - but saw this on my google reader today and had to read... I am so sorry for your loss...

    I know that right now the only thing that is going to help heal you is time... and a trust in a God who is sovereign.

    I just blogged about hurt on my blog... the scripture in the post may give you some hope...

    I do know from my own experiences with miscarriage.. We lost our 1st baby at around 3 months... I was crushed.

    I remember one thing after it happened.. my sister in law just embraced me at church and said "Mama has 2 sweet babies with her now. And we have 2 waiting" - my husbands mom passed at 52 years old from breast cancer... she never got to meet any of our babies... and I found such joy in knowing one was with her.

    Hang in there! It gets better...
    You will never forget that sweet baby... despite their absence they will bring you joy in knowing they wait and rejoice in glory!

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  30. I am so very sorry for your loss. God's plan is unfolding and praise Him there is hope!

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  31. You are so beautiful! It is true that heartache can change you, it's just how you choose to let it change you. God is so good and I know He will bring you all through this. You are such a beautiful, Godly woman. Thank you for sharing your life with us. It truly is a blessing.

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  32. YES! Thank you Jesus for sweet hope. I'm so sorry for your heartache, Casey!

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  33. wish I could give you a giant hug Casey!! I love your heart. You are so right. It can make your softer, more compassionate if you let it. And each day we have to make that choice. Sometimes more than once in a day. I just read that book a few months ago, and I was a balling mess. Such a gift of hope.

    You know someone told me that babies don't age in Heaven until Jesus comes back and that we will have the honor of raising our babies in Heaven. I don't know how it all happens, but how beautiful is that hope?

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  34. I read this book - it's A*MA*ZING! Always praying for you, sweet friend!! LOVE!! xoxo

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  35. An amazing scripture-based book about the loss of children is Safe in the Arms of God by John MacArthur. I highly recommend it. It was given to us by our pastor after we lost our first baby girl. My husband read it in a day and said I had to read it. It really shows what the scripture says and promises about how we will see our babies in heaven. Praise be to God!!

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  36. I'm so so SO deeply sorry for your loss :( I just came across your blog and found this so touching and my heart hurts for you...I do know that book is incredible though and hope it gives you some comfort. So glad to have found your blog and to be a new follower! xoxo

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  37. Praise the Lord for Heaven. Life isn't worth living without the promise of Jesus and Heaven!

    Enjoy the beach!

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  38. You made me cry. You have such an enormous capacity to feel. And to touch people. I hope the four of you are having an amazing trip, filled with lots of new experiences. Take care beautiful girl.

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  39. I have a friend visiting me right now from Canada and we were talking about this book just yesterday. Her dad passed away a few months ago and we were discussing heaven and what it is like. We were talking about how there is no time, so she was already with her father in heaven with him because he would no longer have to wait for them to join him as there would be no time. Perhaps you are already holding your precious one now, where he does not have to wait as we do.
    Thank you for your vulnerability. Another thing my friend said was that disappointment can turn into destruction. She is mad that the Lord didn't save her father and heal him the way she prayed for and knew HE could, but she knows she can not let it destroy her completely. I know and trust though that the Lord knows our fraility and need to question, wonder why, and grieve deeply. He knows our understanding is so limited.
    Hold on sweet girl. Let the beauty of where you are do what it does best, be beautiful.
    Much Love

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  40. read Heaven is for Real. please.
    it is such an awesome read...i knew that i was going to heaven when i die, but to hear a little boy tell the world what we did in heaven...it was amazing! totally changed my perspective on heaven!!

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  41. absolutley beautiful Casey. You are such a strong.beautiful.amazing woman. I KNOW you will have eternity with Addison...and your other loves. Have a beautiful day. xoxo

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  42. That book is a-mazing!! I will send it to you if you want shoot me an email of where to mail it...
    bertchicarley@gmail.com
    Another good one is Have a Little Faith by Mitch Albom it is on perspectives and it is soooooo good!!! heck i will send you both of them. i love your soul. your heart is precious!!

    a full heart is one that has been broken because you have given a piece of yourself with each heartache which yields a cirlce of love in return.

    impressionable moments allow us to be more like the image of our maker.. love and prayers

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  43. Casey, thank you for the "grace" words you wrote! Isn't heaven the best thought?! Having lost a younger unborn brother at the age of 9...I've longed for many years to see him someday! Still praying for you...still finding you awe inspiring...still thanking God for meeting you and your sweet blog <3

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  44. Your perspective on life is wonderful. Your blog uplifts me during my struggles and I think you are amazing. Hang in there.

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  45. so beautiful, casey. you, your spirit, this post, all of it.

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  46. Oh Casey, I cannot begin to understand your heartache, but I can join you in prayer for you, and your family, and sweet, sweet Addison running into the arms of our Father!

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  47. Casey, this is beautiful.
    I never fully understood how great God's grace is until this year when I faced heartache I never dreamed I would be faced with.
    But I have seen the truth of this verse: "God works all things together for the good of those who love Him and are the called according to His purpose."
    But like you said, "only if we let Him."
    He wants to be the Redeemer of our heartache, doesn't He?
    Love from,
    Greta

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  48. Having a miscarriage is hard, that's how I started out my 'motherhood stage of life'. I realized that I appreciate so much more now my love for the angel growing inside of me that Heavenly Father saw fit to let live and be a part of our family. She's going to be here in two more months, but I already feel an amazing love for her that I never knew I would be able to experience! Motherhood is amazing. Also, I heard a saying by Ralph Waldo Emerson the other day and thought of you. It said, "When its dark enough, you can see the stars." Thanks for your example of not letting this trial in your life turn your bitter towards anyone, especially God. I think its made you appreciate your blessings (stars) especially the two children you have here with you on earth even more :) You're awesome! Keep with it!

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  49. that book sounds amazing. i may have to read it. great post dear..xoxo

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  50. Casey, you are so inspiring. You hope & faith is completely amazing! My prayers are with you!

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  51. My heart goes out to you! I appreciate you sharing that with us. Something about heartache brings people together even though you dont know them. It just show you that there are good people out there and we are all here to support and uplift one another.

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  52. Only God knows the purpose of this heartache. But thank you for sharing how you view it in spite of it.

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  53. I love that you not only gave Addison a name, but also identify with a gender, thus making it real and true he is your child. I lost my first baby during roughly week 9-11, and we named that baby Tayler, knowing it was somewhat gender neutral. 4 months later I found out I was pregnant again, and delivered a beautiful healthy boy in July. The crazy part was that around the time I would have been delivering Tayler I had so many overwhelming feelings of GIRL, and family members were having dreams of girl in which I was about ready to deliver. I truly believe that my precious daughter is in heaven now, probably making friends with your darling son. I can't wait for the day Ivan reunite with her, and have her grab me by the hand for the grand tour.

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  54. i have four little munchkins waiting for me in heaven. i am thirlled to spend eternity with them. someday my family will be whole in heaven.
    there IS hope!
    love you!

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  55. Casey, you are a beautiful soul. I hope to be more like you.

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  56. I just wish I could reach out and give you a hug! I love this post, Casey. It's beautiful and hopeful. I truly believe, if we let it, heartache can make us better and allow us to help others going through similar things. I was on a missions trip in Italy with a girl who had lost her father years prior. We found that out in the beginning of the trip and cried with her as she told us her story. I showed her the verse, 2 Corinthians 1:3-5: "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ." A few weeks later, on the campus in southern Italy, I met a couple Italian girls, one of whom had lost her father and found it hard to trust the heavenly Father because of that. I just prayed that my friend would somehow show up then somehow. She did! It was amazing to see God match them up and give them a chance to talk. It's so hard to go through loss, I can't imagine how you've been feeling but I hope this encourages you somehow. God is using you in big ways, friend. Praying for you guys. I'm here if you need to talk, vent, a prayer buddy, anything.

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  57. this knowledge of heaven and it's eternal perspective is just breathtaking. what's even more perfect is that addison will know you and love you instantly with open arms.
    Xo

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  58. Heaven is For Real is an EXCELLENT book! Very comforting and awesome. You will see your baby again some day.

    I love what you said about heartache--it's true. With heartache comes greater compassion and love and grace for those around us.

    I bought some soleil selene necklaces--LOVE THEM--and got some many compliments on my yellow one I'm wearing today.

    Much love to you!

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  59. you warm my heart on a daily basis. I am in awe. Thank you for letting us walk life with you. It blesses my heart.

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  60. What a special moment it will be when you are reunited with your sweet baby Addison. Thinking of you today, my friend. Glad you're loving California!! :)

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  61. Oh my goodness this post is exactly the struggle that my husband and I have been through! Just a short testimony: We've been trying to have a baby for a long time and it's been the biggest heart-aching time we have ever been through...together and separate. And at first for a while I had the first attitude you described "bitter and hating God." But it came to a point where I had to make a choice. I would either turn my back on God or let this trial and this waiting time mold me into the parent that he's calling me to be. Looking back even though we're still struggling, I'm so thankful for this experience because it has so changed my perspective and has made me a stronger and better person and has grown my faith exponentially. So, even though it's been the toughest time of our lives I've found myself loving the Lord even more.

    Your words are so well spoken and so encouraging. I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss but I know God's doing great things through you and your family. :)

    Hannah

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  62. Beautiful Case!!! LOVE you girl!!

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  63. Heartache does change you, its changed me, for the better and for the worse, i love this blog post. I have experienced loss as well but it gives me comfort that i will once again see them again.
    This post is exactly what i needed to hear thank you for sharing it. There are similarities in our stories and i have connected to your blog in the short time i started reading it. I think you are wonderfully strong, i hope you are having a great trip.

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  64. Such sweet and inspirational words! Thank you for sharing.
    HTTP://erikainez.blogspot.com

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  65. i cannot wait until you get to hold that boy in your arms. you have an amazing way of dealing with this, and even more important you are a wonderful example of hope to your children.

    keep pushing through.

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  66. casey, that book was an incredible read and mainly because it's "from the mouths of a babe"...it made my perspective change quite significantly...i have a copy to loan you if you want me to bring it to L.A. with me!

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  67. I loved that book. I couldn't put it down! Praying for your family!

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  68. You are so sweet Casey! That story is so amazing and touching! It doesn't take away the pain now but hopefully it does ease some to know you will get to still raise Addison in the next life! Take care Casey!!

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  69. i could not agree more about heaven is for real. its an amazing book. i recommended it to a friend who lost her baby boy at 5 months. although i do not know how you feel, i believe it gives you hope and something to look forward to. definitely get your hands on that book ;) praying for you constantly, casey!

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  70. right after i had my first miscarriage, i dreamed that i was standing in a line along with other mothers that had miscarried...and across from us was a line of children facing us. my blonde haired son walked over to me, took my hand and said, "it's okay mommy, i'm with jesus." that dream gave me a peace that you can't imagine...but you can bet that every time i think about that dream i cry. still praying for you. :)

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  71. so beautiful, I will definitely have to read that book!

    Do you think time stands still in heaven, or maybe progresses just more slowly? I often wonder when I arrive in heaven if I will be greeted by my 6 year old little brother, Avery, as I last saw him 12 years ago... or as an adult...

    Knowing that one day I will see him again is the only thing that has gotten me through some of my darkest days.

    Love you!

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  72. Many people have similar stories to that little boy's. People from all over the world. People of different backgrounds, race, ages and yes, religions.

    This is a phenomenon known as Heaven. I fully believe that your image of Addison will come true when God is ready for it to.

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  73. Casey,
    If I could only follow one blog it would be yours. Truly. You inspire me to be a better momma to my 3 girls and a better follower of Christ. Thank you.

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  74. I read 'Heaven is For Real' last month and I loved it. It opened my eyes even more as to how real God is! You will love it and I am sure you will shed some tears. I am praying for your peace and healing, in and out :)

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  75. You will see your baby boy again: I have no doubt. My heart also longs for the day I see my three precious angels. Not.a.day goes by I don't wonder what they would have been like. But I believe. And Know. God has a purpose and it has changed me. I'm a different woman and now mother, than I would have been had I not been given my Angels who wait for me now to come Home. And I thank God for my daughter He's given me. My precious girl. I don't know you Casey and have only recently found your blog, but I feel like we could know have known each other forever. I cried with you when I read your post about Addison. Lifting you up!! To think our children will greet us in heaven one day...such a beautiful day it will be!

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  76. You're so right, there is hope! No matter what we've been through, there is eternity with Jesus and our loved ones waiting for us. My husband and I have been going through the hardest time of our lives with our health issues/finances but we are clinging to God's promises.

    It's so true that these trials we go through really open our eyes and change us, mold us, and soften us to be more like Jesus and to be able to comfort others who are going through hard times. So I just wanted to say I am praying for you and your whole family, including the ones in heaven. And I pray that God's peace that passes ALL understanding will cover you during this time.

    ~Melissa
    mmosey24@gmail(dot)com

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  77. that heaven is for real book is a seriously incredibly astounding book, I loved it! You should definitely read it! Especially after what you have been through recently.

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  78. I JUST finished reading Heaven Is For Real two nights ago.

    My best friend was killed in a car accident two months ago, and I have been, and am still, struggling with it all. It is a lot to process as she was so young and recently engaged. I will admit that faith hasn't been a big part of my life in the past, but ever since I lost Morgan I have had a million questions and am so curious to talk to someone with answers, or even just reassurances. This book has definitely made my mind race more. And I have huge ambition to talk to someone about god and heaven and the whole story.

    It is eye opening, and my mind has been opened up to so much more possibility because of this book. It has definitely been helping me get through my loss. I know that Morgan is okay, and waiting for me. That's all that really matters.

    Keep inspiring me, and others, with your words. :)

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  79. such a great post. thank you. after experiencing a miscarriage, i have loved the quote "dwell in hope", so your mention that there is hope made me smile.

    and...heaven is for real ended up in my mailbox today! so excited to read it.

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  80. You are so right, heartache does make you softer if you let it. It also teaches you so much. I know it doesn't change your broken heart but we've gone through it twice this past year and I am just 5 weeks pregnant now. (I've too debated on what to share on my blog)I know for a fact God has used our story and my blog for His glory as I am sure He will from yours.

    But trusting in the Lord is the only way I am able to stay sane and not be sick with worry. I pray you continue to cling to Jesus, and let your family and friends love on you. That is what has gotten me through, God's love through my family and friends. I'm so blessed. I'll be praying for you guys..

    "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus" Philippians 4:6-7

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  81. Keeping you and your family in my prayers. I miscarried June 2010 at 9 1/2 weeks. Though the sadness eases a bit, you always miss him/her and what couldve been. I think often about what age he/she wouldve been (I tend to think "she" as I was sick EVERY day - unlike my boy pregnancy). Just like there is no TRUE understanding of a mother's love until you have a child, there's another level of understanding when your child slips away and takes a piece of you...solace in knowing we will all be whole again one day. I know we will meet again...

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  82. I had two very easy pregnancies and gave birth to two quite uncomplicated beautiful babies. My third pregnancy was full of complications, and the day of my daughter's delivery she was whisked away to the NICU. I couldn't see her for the first 24 hours. It was the longest day of my life. She was only there for a week, but I don't think I ever stopped crying.

    Sometimes I feel guilty because of the pain I felt. So many young moms go through such greater pain. But thanks for your message. The pain is still very real. Fear not, God's got this!

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  83. I read it recently. You will love it.

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  84. I'm a fairly new reader (a couple of months or so)...just when I think you couldn't be more amazing...you prove me wrong...I know I'm a virtual stranger but...I just want to give you a huge internet hug...peace be with you...

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  85. Casey,
    Something I heard recently has helped me cope with losing love ones although I cannot imagine for a minute what it's like losing a child.

    'God allows heartache because he doesn't want us to become comfortable in this world; this isn't our home'

    When I heard that I realized I'll never feel quit alright here because I wasn't purposed to be.

    Praying for your little family for God's hand in comfort and his glory to show through.

    Thank you for pouring into our lives and letting us just support you back.

    Alexa
    http://seamlesslove.wordpress.com/

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  86. I am so sorry that you lost your little boy, Casey. I couldn't even imagine going through that myself. It's amazing the perspective you have on this. God certainly is pouring out his unlimited love and strengh to you.

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  87. I believe my baby that I lost was a boy too. We lost our babies around the same day but you were a few weeks further than me. I try to stay positive but some moments are so much harder than others. I had a dream days before I found out that I was having a missed miscarriage of a young boy dressed in a button down shirt with a baseball cap on. He was floating in my foyer then a lady came up behind him touching his shoulder like saying it was ok to go now. When I woke up I was almost frightened to look out of our bedroom it felt so real. I think it was my son leaving this world and sending a message from Heaven that things will be ok and that I will meet him again. I can't wait for a couple months to pass so that my husband and I can try to make another baby, but yet at the same time I am SO scared that this may happen again. I pray every day for strength and am amazed at the women I almost meet or talk to daily that have had to go through such a loss. Thank you for sharing your life.

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  88. I just came across your blog and I wanted to say that I am so so sorry for the loss of your little one. It is truly a pain that cuts you so deeply you never know if you will fully recover. It is a pain that no one will understand. I also lost my sweet baby on August 10th at almost 22 weeks. The entire pregnancy had been perfect until I had my very first ultrasound at 21 weeks and they told us the baby had Trisomy 18 which is a fatal diagnosis. Less than a week later I gave birth to a stillborn beautiful baby girl. At first, I did not want to see her for fear that it would ruin the image in my head of my perfect daughter. My husband and angel of a nurse convinced me to see her and I am so so glad that I did. Many people don't understand how hard it is and many have said things like "It's ok-you're young and can try again" or "It was meant to be, this is just Gods plan". Many still don't acknowledge that although I don't have a beautiful baby asleep in her crib right now- that I am now a mother. Although they mean well, the words cut into my already wounded soul. It is very helpful and encouraging to read and share stories with others that have gone through similar experiences. It helps me feel like I am not alone when sometimes that is the only thing I can think about.
    We named our sweet baby girl Deidre Felicity. We got pregnant on a trip to Ireland and found it very fitting that Deidre is Celtic for Angel of Sorrow. I know that our little Irish Angel will be looking out for us and the family that I know my husband and I will be blessed with.

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  89. Just found your blog via the daybook. I, too suffered a miscarriage back in April. So many people recommended Heaven is For Real to me and I just kind of put it off thinking, "oh yeah, one day, when I have time." Then someone actually put it in front of my face. I couldn't put it down. It changed me, it changed my perspective on my miscarriage and it most definitely brought me back out of a cloud of darkness. I have now read it again and it is just incredible.

    I named my sweet little one, I have this instinct that she's a girl. My sweet Isabella and your Addison are together with their heavenly Father and will be waiting for us one day! Have a blessed weekend and thank you for sharing your thoughts and your faith!

    Link to my blog

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  90. What a lovely post. I'm so sorry for your loss. I have a baby boy in heaven too. And I loved Heaven Is For Real.

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