love languages.

December 05, 2011

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Love languages are such an amazing thing!

When Chris and I were dating he gave me the book and I thought it was so incredible- You can be pouring a love language into someone...but if that is not how they receive love, then they wind up feeling unloved. You can actually take the test here without actually reading the book.

My love language is physical touch (it's different when it comes to friends). And Chris' is quality time.

Generally you give the love language that you want to receive, so giving kisses/snuggles is easy for me....where as some of the others I have to make more of a point to give out.

Then when it comes to our babies (I know A & A's will change many times, but for now...) Aiden's is quality time and Ains is physical touch...isn't that too funny...just like us!
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Ains wants to be held, snuggled, touched constantly.
Aiden does too, but more important than that he craves quality time.
He wants that one on one...sit on the carpet and play for hours time.
He wants us all to sit down as a family for each and every meal.
He wants the good stuff :).

I love knowing how to meet their little needs.
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I always call it at our house "keeping everyone's tanks full"... As a wife and mama, I think it's my job to make sure everyone's tanks are full... my boys need that quality time and my little bits needs to be held.

Sometimes if Aiden starts to act out, I will stop and think "is his tank full? is what I am doing more important than that?"
These babies are my number one priority.
 Even though I "work" from home...make sure that never interferes with them is a constant thing I have to check.

Sometime friends feel neglected.
Sometimes commissions have to wait.
Sometimes emails go unanswered.

Because their tanks are number one right now.

Chris too.
Making sure his tank is full even before the kiddos is also a constant thing that I have to check.
A beautiful gift that we can give to our kiddos is a healthy marriage.

Love languages, I would love to hear about yours!
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65 comments:

  1. So funny you posted on this today! Some of the ladies from the playgroup & I were all talking about this last week. There was a certain situation that happened where my feelings were hurt and it was because of words that were written. They weren't meant to hurt me but because my love language is words of affirmation it hurt me to the core. Thankfully because we now know our love languages with "friends" we were able to resolve the problem and are now able to build one another up much better now :)
    Thank you for sharing Casey :) Always a joy.

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  2. Awe. I loved this post. I never quite thought about it as "Keeping there tanks full." That is a really neat way to look at it, it makes me wonder if I am keeping everyone's tanks full. I seriously hope so.

    I think that is sooo cute that they have ya'lls quality's like that!

    I just took the test and my highest is Physical Touch, which is soooo true!

    Happy Monday
    xoxo

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  3. Such sweet pictures. Such a wonderful time when your kiddos are that age. I love the baby drinking her bottle with her paccie in her hand. My granddaughter used to have one in her mouth and two in her hands. You have to be prepared.

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  4. this was so fun!!
    And good to know!
    mine was Words of Affirmation and I would have never even thought of that. Waiting to see what the hubs says his is.
    Interesting ;)

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  5. YES! That book will totally change your life!

    Hubs love language is words.
    Mine is touch.

    Amazing what a difference it makes.

    xoxo

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  6. Your kiddos are so so cute!

    I think about love languages and I've wanted to read the book about them for a while. It's nice to see that people use the concept and it works for them. I might have to add that book to my reading list now so I can practice :)

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  7. Sweet, sweet post.
    It really speaks to where I am in life right now.
    My husband's love language is physical touch and mne is acts of service . (i think that's what it is called)
    And to be honest, it took us a lot of time and heartache before we figured out that we needed to love eachother in a different way than the way we loved best.
    He would want me to come cuddle on the couch and I would want to make him cookies.
    I would want him to paint the bathroom for me and he would want me to sit still with him and hold hands.
    It was like a revelation when our pastor pointed this out to us.
    We had hit rock bottom and were there to find help.
    Knpowing this has changed our marriage.
    It is such a new way of showing love to one another.

    In a strange way I was much more in tune with this idea for my babies.
    I knew my 2nd boy needed me to hold him tight when he was overwhelmed and angry. Arms aound my neck, he squeezes back so hard he shakes.
    I can feel his frustration and anger start to ebb as I share his hurt.
    I didn't know how to do that for my husband, or maybe I didn't even want to, but I am learning now.
    And it feels so good.
    It's a way of serving eachmember of my family--of really knowing thier hearts and meeting thier needs.
    Thank you for this reminder, Casey.
    Love from,
    Greta

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  8. Such a great post! I love the Love Languages book! Mine is definitely Quality Time and my boyfriend's is Words of Affirmation. These pictures are darling!

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  9. It was such a revelation to me when I discovered love languages. Mine is primarily Receiving Gifts followed closely by Act of Service. Dh's is Physical Touch. We are polar opposites in our languages. Suddenly we understood why we were always frustrated with each other. We weren't speaking the other's language. I recently had my teens do the online quiz and I was surprised to find out they were both Quality Time. It makes perfect sense with their personalities, but I just wasn't seeing it. I have a couple of my kids that are Physical Touch. Not surprisingly, those are the ones I struggle to connect with. It's a learning process and fascinating to see how different each child can be.

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  10. My love languages are quality time and words of affirmation. My hubby is physical touch. Daughter 1 is quality time and physical touch. Daughter 2 is absolutely physical touch. Thank you for the gentle reminder to make sure that my family's "tank is full". How easy it is to get wrapped up in life and forget to focus on the important things, family. Thank you thank you.

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  11. So beautiful! Thanks for sharing! My husband and I are complete opposites in love language and we really had to learn from one another. Now our daughter is even different from both of us so we are learning her language as well. I think it's so neat to learn what makes people tick.

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  12. Lovely post! my husband's and babies tanks are most important to me too. My love language is physical touch too! And my husband's is words of affirmation. I'm not sure what Brielle's is, but if I had to guess, it would be either quality time or words of affirmation. She loves it when I talk her up:). When I tell her her hair-bow looks cute on her, she will leave it on longer :)

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  13. My husband and I learned our "Love languages" during our pre-marriage course at our church. Mine is quality time, and his is a mix between words and physical touch. I love the "keeping the tanks full" thought. Definitely important to make sure you're fulfilling your loved ones to the best of your abilities! Happy Monday! xx

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  14. casey,
    i don't exactly know why it happens, but almost every post of yours i read makes my eyes well up with tears. most of time they are happy ones, that i laugh away as i finish reading your post. and sometimes, they are tears of heartache, feeling the similar pain you've went through on some of your journeys (though i'm not quite brave enough to write about it yet).
    this post was a happy tears one. to know that it is okay to aspire to be nothing more than a mother and wife that loves their family with her whole heart. and puts those little lives first. and their husband's heart first.
    in a world where women are meant to do everything, and want to climb a corporate ladder and be home to make dinner for 6pm, while being at every dance class and soccer game, it means so much more than you may know to read that this path in life is just as full of love (if not more so) than all those 'wants'.
    to just have, and have enough in all that love.
    you're so inspiring.
    much love.
    a

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  15. first of all i love love love your little girls blue and green eyes. ahh... it looks really evident in the second picture! God is so beautifully creative.

    love languages are a huge thing for sure. everything you said was so true and a great reminder!

    my love language is touch and my mans is encouraging words.

    <3

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  16. I've always meant to read that book but haven't gotten to it! It's hard for me to think and evaluate myself and really know my love language so I'm curious to do the test. My husband is physical tough for sure. Casey, can I get your email address? I have been reading your blog for that last couple of months and I would really like to get your advice on something. When you have time of course! You can email me at sophiejpullen@gmail.com as well. Thanks!

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  17. I adore that book, makes things so much "easier" doesn't it?! And I love how they use the term "full tank" it's so helpful. I've been married 10 years and we read that book early into our marriage, but I think it's time for a re-read, and now they have childrens ones and teenage ones! Heather Boersma just wrote about this too, what a coinkedink! I loved both your posts!!! Super great post Casey! Thank you, and you are right, our kids' and our hubbies tanks (and God's) are top priority!xoxo

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  18. Love this Casey! My husband and I always talk about making it a priority to love each other in the way they need loved, instead of how we want to show love!

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  19. i love this post and never thought about it before.thank you for sharing this.your kids are adorable.i love the color of their eyes

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  20. This post was very touching. I love how open you are with your words - every word here is very inspiring and it was a beautiful reminder to start my week.

    Best wishes
    Kym

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  21. just finished that book! loved it :) my husband and i have multiple love languages making it a little more of a challenge but we're loving it!

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  22. As I started taking the test, I realized almost instantly that I already know our love languages. Mine is receiving gifts and Rudy's is physical touch.

    Unfortunately...physical touch is the last thing on my list, and I know this, and I need to try harder to give him what he needs. He's told me it before, and while I've been pregnant the last three years it has been exceedingly difficult. But I'm trying. I really am.

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  23. I read about love languages when I first started dating my husband. It made such a difference in our relationship, and still does! We are both physical touch/words of affirmation, but since we got married I'm leaning more and more towards acts of service. It's so nice sharing the same languages as each other. Our tanks are always overflowing. :)

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  24. I loved this post and I think I'm going to write about love languages later on. I remember my parents reading that book a long time ago. I took the "test" and actually had a tie between three of them and I would say all three are right on - Physical touch, quality time and words of affirmation. But I think Words would be number one for me with touch right behind it. I'm excited for the hubs to take the test too and see what his says!

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  25. I love love love the love languages! It's so crazy how you can be pouring all your time and effort into loving your spouse and they don't feel it because you are loving in the wrong language! It's helped me to take a step back some days when I'm not feeling loved and realize that my husband is trying to love me in his language not mine. I have to remind him how I need to be loved sometimes and I think that's okay! I have to work on loving in his language all the time because it's awkward for me and takes much more effort, but it's so worth it when I get it right! Everyone needs to read this book, it's my favorite!!

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  26. My bff recommended Love Languages to me and I haven't made the effort to read it just yet.
    Your post has inspired me to pick it up and read it :)
    Please never stop being such a beautiful soul

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  27. I am reading that book right now actually! Thats such a good reminder....think to yourself, is their tank full? My daughter loves quality time :). Always says, 'You wanna play with me mommy?!' all excited.....love it.

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  28. The ones you love should always come first! I always love reading your sweet little blog, you always have the most sweetest words that make my day a little better!

    -Lindsay
    http://thehappygoose.blogspot.com/

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  29. Such an inspiring post. I am inspired by your love for these babies and your willingness to be the best you can be. And you are. I got to thinking a lot about languages today thanks to you! You must care for your family first. That is what creates beauty and love from the inside out. You're kiddos are lucky to have such an incredible momma.

    xoxo
    Ellie

    www.theinventionofsuperglue.blogspot.com

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  30. My small group studied that book two years ago and it was a huge help to my husband and I. I had a lil of everything (except gifts) but the overall big time winner was Quality Time, and it totally makes sense that is when I feel loved, when someone "takes time for me" it is the same for friends or for my husband, I like the type of friends that we can just hang and do nothing just girl chat or even not talk just be in each other's presense because time is important to me. My husband's love language is a lil bit of everything too but his number one was Acts of Service, which I was surprised of at first but kinda makes sense, he loves when I cook dinner for him or he comes home from work to a clean house. So I really try to be sure to do those thing and try to thing of new ways to serve, run special errands for him when he is busy ect. Its funny because how I SHOW love is different then my love language, I do give time as love but I also give Words of Affirmation as my love. I find it so easy to tell the people I love that I love them or what they mean to me, through letters, text, in person, but like you said if that isn't how they "feel" loved it could not be enough. I actually had my whole family, my husbands whole family and my friends take the test, one because I find it so fascinating and also it is nice to know what each person likes and needs

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  31. I'm so going to start asking if our "tanks" are full. It totally makes sense. Also that little hand holding that pink bottle totally melted me right now! Like tears and everything. Thanks again for teaching me to stop and live... Really live, right now, in this moment!

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  32. it's true. we really do give the affection / love that we most desire. but it is important to deliver the ones that our significant other enjoys. thanks for this post girl!
    xo TJ

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  33. Casey, I love that you talked about the importance of love languages!!!!! My husband and I read the book when we were engaged and we, too, make sure our "tanks are full." It was an invaluable tool for or marriage. It's the book I give to my girlfriends who just get engaged and one I recommend often. I love your heart and the fact that you shared this with your blog audience. Right on, girl! :)

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  34. You have such a good outlook on things. So positive and happy!
    You husband and family should come first, you all deserve the full tanks :)

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  35. LOVE this post Casey!!! I LOVE that book and think about it often when it comes to my marriage, but don't really apply it enough when it comes to my little ones!! I guess when they are acting out, I just generally think that they are being tired or cranky. I really need to stop and think what I can do to fill their "Love Tanks!" Thank you sweet friend!!!

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  36. Your family is just beautiful!!!!!
    My goodness.

    I am ALLLLLLLLL words.
    Affirm, affirm, affirm!
    With a close second going to quality time.

    The way I tend to GIVE love, though, is TOUCH.
    Always hugging on people..... etc.
    :)

    Thanks for sharing this!
    I definitely needed the reminder to show love how the people in my life need it!

    xo. chelsea

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  37. What a precious post! Your babies are so sweet.

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  38. Hi Casey,
    Beautiful post! FYI the link to take the test wouldn't work for me.

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  39. Wow, I've never really looked at it this way before. So THAT'S what I am doing.....keeping everyone's tank full. Nice!

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  40. you are such a sweet wife and mommy! i love how the Lord made us all different in our needs and how we receieve love. mine is physical touch as well! enjoy those precious little babies, they are darling!
    XO
    erin

    sweetnessitself.blogspot.com

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  41. I've heard about the love languages before and how powerful it is for relationships to be their best, but I've still never picked it up so I was glad you had a link. I found out I scored a 10 in Words of Affirmation and a 9 in Quality Time. I sent Freddie the link and I am anxious to see what his love language is. I can't wait to love him in the best way he loves to be loved. :)

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  42. Mine is words of affirmation and my husband's is acts of service. We have to constantly remind ourselves of what the other needs. My husband would much rather I make him dinner than for me to tell him how incredible he is and how thankful I am for how hard he works. And I could definitely prefer some encouraging words and admiration from him than for the grass to be mowed.

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  43. My husband and I have the same love language: physical touch. However, lately I think I've been distant. Your post has made me realize that I need to slow down and make more time for him. He works so hard for our little family and deserves all my love and kisses! Thanks for this post.
    -Nikki

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  44. About six months ago I read this book. My significant other and I are not married yet, but we enjoy working on our relationship!

    When I took the text...I tied.
    Words of affirmation and physical touch came hand in hand. Which made perfect sense! I need them both. When Brett builds me up with his words and holding me at the same time my love tank is full. :)

    His however is physical touch and quality time. Quality time won by one point.

    I think it's beautiful that your littles have the same love languages as you.
    :)!!

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  45. what a great post on love languages! i think it's always important to figure out what you and your partners languages are, especially b/c they can be different! everyone shows love in a different way and we need to be aware of that!!!

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  46. Your kiddos are so adorable. ;)

    My love language is absolutely words of affirmation. Without really explaining or delving into all of them my hubs picked that one out as mine right away. His is a cross between quality time and physical touch.

    We don't have kids yet, but its interesting to wonder what they might be. :)

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  47. I've read the book too! My love language is quality time and my husbands is definitely physical touch. In the beginning of our relationship he drove me craaaaaazay with all the touching--whether it was my hair or hand or shoulder- but I'm learning!

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  48. Dear Casey,

    I love your thinking and I love reading your posts! it always amazes me how every family is so individual, but love seems to touch our hearts in the same spots.

    My whole blog is about the language of love at the moment : )Every day throughout the festive season (1st to the 24th of December) I post another little part of our story! It's been wonderful spending that little bit of time each day just thinking about the two of us and how we met and why me fell in love!

    Enjoy filling those precious love tanks!!!

    Big hug from Berlin XOXO Janie

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  49. Hi cute friend! ;-) Mine is Physical touch and words of affirmation and nate's is gifts and works! :-)

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  50. My husband and I got the love language book when we got engaged from our pastors and we loved it! Practicing one anothers love language is definitely something we have to continually do because it's hard when you dont have the same one! My husbands is physical touch and mine is acts of service.

    :)

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  51. My husband and I bought the books for each other (not knowing we were buying each other the same gift!) for an anniversary gift and sadly we have not taken the time to read them yet. I know our love languages are very different, but I think understanding how to meet the needs of each language will be a great thing for our marriage in many years to come.

    Lovely post!

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  52. My Husband and I read the Five Love Languages book before we got married! It really helped us to get started off on the right foot and to make sure that we maintain what's really important!
    It was very interesting because he and I both need words of affirmation, but when I give love I have tended to do it more in the form of gifts and acts of service to avoid being vocal. I was taught so much about love just by having to put aside my discomfort with verbalizing my feelings, but it created a, even deeper sense of intimacy between us because we both became completely emotionally open to each other.
    I am very interested and excited to see what love languages my future children possess!

    P.S. I enjoy reading your blog, thank you for so many good posts!

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  53. Can't tell you how much I LOVED this post. I am a new comer to your blog and will be visiting often!! Thank you for reminding us to, and teaching us how to better keep our sweet ones tanks full. Love your blog, keep the posts coming!

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  54. Forgot to mention, my 10 yr old has been under some stress lately. After having her do the test, we learned hers is quality time. My husband texted me this morning and told me he is taking her out on a daddy daughter date tonight. --Thanks to this post!! :-)

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  55. I love this post. We read the Love Languages book when we got engaged and it has been so helpful in our 9 years of marriage. I'm definitely a quality time girl and my hubs is words of affirmation. Now with 4 little boys I love seeing how they react to different forms of love and figuring out what their own unique language is. I'm thankful that you reminded me that I need to be focusing on making sure my kids and my hubs tanks are full. Again, great post.

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  56. such a sweet post! you're such a good mama. =] it's so hard to go out of your comfort zone when your significant other has a different love language than you. my husband and i took the test earlier this summer (after you previously spoke about it =] ) and then i put that as high priority in my life to fulfill his and work on being not-so involved with my own. God had some pretty great ideas when he made us. =]

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  57. Ha! Quality time is mine and my hubby's is physical touch :)

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  58. Mine is definitely quality time, and Alex's is acts of service. We actually really struggle with this because we give love in the same way that we want to receive it. Hahaha. So while Alex is fixing up the house of doing errands for me out of love, all I want him to do is to let it go and sit on the couch with me. And vise versa. IT's amazing to know what each other needs, though. It just deifnitely takes time to make it a habit of loving them how THEY want to be loved.

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  59. I loved this post :) It is so funny how different we all are with our love languages, and it is so important to know about each other!

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  60. Thank you for posting this!!

    My hubs language is quality time...thus meaning, just sitting on the couch watching a movie is enough for him. For me it is physical touch, so needless to say I have to be touched and kissed all the time.

    I can't wait to watch and see what our future children will be!!

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  61. Hi Casey, I just stumbled upon your blog last night and I absolutely love it! It seems I share a lot of your same sentiments. It also seems that we've shared some similar struggles. It's always awe-inspiring to find out about others who have been down similar paths as myself. God is good and I know he will continue to bless you. Anyway, you have a great blog and I'm now following!

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  62. I LOVE studying love languages! :) You are right, it is so good to know what someone's LL is (especially family) because it can totally explain grumpy attitudes. All you need is love... :)

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  63. cool post! i just took it (i am word of affirmation) and am going to have my hubs take it as well :D

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  64. I have to tell you. This post was revolutionary for me. I've never considered that my almost three year old would har a love language. But he definitely does! Since originally reading this, throughout the day I've been trying to make sure his love tank is filled. His is 100% quality time. I have a new in at home so it's difficult to give him all my attention like I once did. But if I make sure that when I'm with him, I'm really with him. This has made our days better. Thank you for posting. This was my A-HA moment!

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