marriage talk.

August 09, 2012

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I am really  happy & fulfilled in my marriage.
But the thing is...it hasn't always been easy.

Before bed last night I came up close to Chris and said " thank you. thank you for choosing THIS life. Life with me. Kids with me. Mess with me. all of it. Thank you.
Thank you for choosing me back when it was harder. Thanks for sticking with me."

The thing about marriage is that at any moment either one can just check out. Or just choose a different life all together. So in a way, everyday is a choice. Today I choose you. THIS life. These kids & this house.

I have been with Chris 7 years.
7 years and we have changed so much. As we both changed and grew and understood each other better, it was like a whirlpool. Just getting better & better. Easier along the way. We still are learning & growing & changing. Still balancing work. kids. and finding time to connect day after day. Communication is big.

I thought (before marriage) that when I got married I would no longer be insecure. Or that somehow I would be fixed. Just suddenly and magically complete. I thought you suddenly felt beautiful all the time. Felt loved all the time. 

That was certainly a rude awakening my first year(s) of being married. Not because of him. But because of me. I had a very unrealistic idea.

I have since learned that no matter how many times he tells me what I want to hear...the answer is with me. Meaning that I have to love myself. He can't do it for me.

I am thankful for him. 
Thankful that we choose. Thankful for THIS life. 
This life with him by my side.
Thankful in the hard times he chose me. This life.


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42 comments:

  1. This is really great! So honest and true. I have been with my hubby for six years, and it gets easier with each passing year. Yes, we still have our struggles, but we are better at working through them in a more civilized manner.

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  2. just beautiful Casey. I too had very unrealistic expectations our first few years of marriage. It was haarrrdd lol, but oh so worth it because things are not perfect, but beautiful. I love how you emphasized that we choose THIS life, and I think that is what makes it so special, they choose us, and this life, and this mess everyday.

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  3. you have such a beautiful way to put into words what we take for granted every day <3

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  4. Such an honest post! Marriage is about choosing to fight for the relationship! But, in the midst of that there is a deep bond and friendship that just keeps on growing. Love this. Thanks for sharing!

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  5. so very true. Each day to live life a certain way IS a choice. LOVE is a choice. Beautiful post Casey.

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  6. This is beautiful! I love reading what you have to write because you always write amazing, beautiful and inspiring things. I really like this post a lot! You are a pretty amazing person and so is your husband! I am glad you two have each other and are there for each other. =)

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  7. Casey, you never who is going thru the same exact thing you're going thru until someone speaks up...thank you for your transparency and your testimony. My text message signature just happens to be: Choosing to Love No Matter What.

    Be Blessed <3

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  8. beautifully said casey. marriage is, indeed, so hard. so much harder than i ever thought. thanks for saying it out loud x

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  9. Fantastic post Casey! I have been with my hubby for 7 years also and agreed with so much of what you had to say! xo

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  10. Casey. I love this. Being on the "verge" of marriage, I think that I also feel I will be magically loved, feel beautiful, that life will be perfect on the other end.

    Your view is SO refreshing. It's real. I love this about you. Thank you so much for not only helping me to reflect in myself, but for making me look forward to marriage even that much more.

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  11. Said beautifully!
    Alwayssaygrace.com

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  12. That's beautifully said. I know how you feel, although I'm not married yet. I think I have an unrealistic idea about marriage to, but I can't help it. Me and my boyfriend are together for 2 years now and I love him! We're moving in together for the first time in September and I can only see the bright side of it, not really realizing that it won't always be perfect. But it's what you choose to make of it together and it's about the things you choose to do.

    I really love the way you see life and everything that comes with it. You seem to put in words all the things other people tend to forget or take for granted and I think that's beautiful.

    Thank you for your lovely words Casey!

    Love,
    Saar

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  13. This is the real deal! I am really sick of people who make it seem so darn easy. It is not! A relationship means work. Of course you love your partner and choose to put this work in but still, it is work and it is not always easy!

    I am off telling my guy how thankful I am, just because ;)

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  14. this is so true. love must come from the self first and always, everything else will follow. thank you for the reminder.

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  15. right on!

    www.mamajulesbrussels.blogspot.com

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  16. i love this post.

    i am grateful every day for my husband and the way he loves and supports me.

    but marriage takes work and open communication but that is what makes it even more special and makes me appreciate it even more.

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  17. So sweet...

    A good reflection of my marriage to come and what I have to be thankful for!

    xoxo

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  18. This simple post left tears in my eyes. No matter how many times he tells you you're beautiful or look great, the answer is always with ME. Something I haven't ever really thought about. Thank you for bringing light to my eyes.

    -Amy
    http://theblankpagesblog.blogspot.com/

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  19. So sweet Casey :)I think many of us fall into those expectations of what marriage will be like. Getting over ourselves is the hard part. I am right there with you!

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  20. So true and so sweet. It is great that women can relate to you and your life because you are a blogger, aka we read you everyday. Not only are you inspiring but you are real and that's why I love reading your blog. :)

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  21. I really needed to read this. My husband and I will be celebrating 3 years of marriage in 2 months and the last year or two have been a real struggle. I know we will fight through it, but it's not easy. I, too got married on false pretenses that it would make me happy and feel beautiful at all times. When that didn't work I thought maybe having a baby would make me happy all the time. We have 2 beautiful kids. But even that can not make you love your spouse or yourself. It's within. I needed this. Thank you for being so honest.

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  22. Marriage is work. Anyone who says it shouldn't be work, doesn't realize that everything worth having takes work. We have to do our part to remind ourselves of all the reasons we love our partner each and everyday. My husband and I had an argument the other day and in the heat of my anger my husband stopped and said, "I love that you still have all this passion for me." It was totally unexpected and the fight turned into laughter immediately. Something good can come out of everything :).

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  23. SO SO beautiful, you two are amazing <3 xo Lissa

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  24. I resonate with this post in so many levels. Especially when you say "I have since learned that no matter how many times he tells me what I want to hear...the answer is with me." Because I never stopped to think of that that way. It's so true.

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  25. Marriage is always work. It brings tremendous joy and happiness, but that doesn't just 'happen' without a lot of hard work. I've been with my husband for 7 years too, and I feel the same as you do. It's always getting better. Imagine what the next 7 years have in store for us?!

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  26. I just got married five months ago and I'm waking up to the realisation every day that marriage doesn't solve all our insecurities. We can be loved so incredibly much and still disregard so much about that love or where it comes from. I love your blog and it gives me so much hope in marriage and life!

    Cx
    www.theirishrosebudblogspot.com

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  27. i grew up with the same views on marriage as you. unfortunately, i'm not sure i have grown as much as you in this department. this is very convicting and definitely something i need to work on...for the sake of me, my husband, and my Father. thank you.

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  28. such a great post. i've been married two years and am learning the same things. its a choice, every day. and so worth it! :)

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  29. i love what you said. marriage is an every day CHOICE. each morning, we wake up and we say "I choose you." every. single. day. forever. isn't that beautiful? :)
    xo

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  30. Just got married six months ago and in so many ways marriage has been such a difficult learning curve. We knew it would be hard but just not in the ways it has been. Thank you for being honest and sharing because for someone like me it is a testimony to the hope that there is good that comes with choosing each other every day. So well put.

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  31. thank you for sharing words so true.
    happy weekend.
    deirdre

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  32. What you say is so true...to be blessed with what you have when you have it because you enver know when it will be taken away. Hope you're doing well now that you are back at home. It's always a much more comforting spot to be. If you have a sec, I am having a giveaway on my blog that ends tonight at 11:59pm. Check it out if you have the chance!
    all my prayers and thoughts
    xoxo
    peacelovedecor.com

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  33. such a great post, just read it to my husband of a little over a year! Very encouraging and powerful story!

    xo Jessica
    www.newlyloved.com

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  34. i love your honesty in the post. ive been with my boyfriend for almost 6 years & I still feel like im dealing with all kinds of insecurities...i think one problem that I have run into is the butterflies...i dont have those anymore like I did the first few years we met. of course I still love him to death but i dont have that anxious feeling in my stomach anymore...sometimes i wonder is that a bad thing or a good thing? I get insecure about that bc it makes me think am i with the right person, whats wrong with me? every day is a new day though. xo Kelly

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  35. I totally understand your post considering we just celebrated our second year anniversary. I hear people say, why do you put up with that? And I think, why would I choose to be anywhere else with anyone else? Marriage/Love is a choice - and sometimes the hardest things and the right thing are the same.

    www.domesticatedworkingwoman.blogspot.com

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  36. Casey, this is so beautiful! and so true... the "no matter how many times he tells me" part really rings true to me. my husband wants SO BADLY at times to fix me, to do it for me, to tell me... but really, it's me that needs to see / seek / find what it is that I need, the self-love

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  37. Love this. Marriage is definitely a choice every day. I thank God for bringing my husband to me. I get to be with my best friend every day and it's amazing. I'm so glad He's blessed your marriage as well.

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  38. YES YES YES. It is a choice and I loved this post. Can't wait to meet you in October, lady!

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  39. I know its weeks later, and maybe you won't even see this comment, but this post and what you wrote has stuck with me.. Such that when trying to explain how I've been, and why I've changed so much over the last two years to a close friend I sort of quoted some of what you wrote. I'll be married 3 years in a couple months and well you summed it up, it has been such a relief to realise that its so normal to feel that way. You're posting isn't always witty or all rainbows but I relate so well so thank you:)

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  40. I stumbled across your blog from your GussySews post - SO glad to have found you...I'm the type of reader that reads every post in an archive when i find a blog I love, and yours is my newest love. Can't wait to go through them all :) Also wanted to add that I felt like this post was written directly from my head - it had me tearing up. Thank you for sharing <3

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