my thoughts.

November 01, 2012

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I am sensitive to things. So normally when I watch an "emotional" movie it will be swirling around in my mind for a few days. Lingering with thoughts and feelings.

A few nights ago Chris and I watched a movie and it was another one that I couldn't shake. The next morning I needed to run to the studio and pick something up. Chris was working in his office and Aiden & Ains were still sleeping. I bundled up Apple and got in the car. The drive to the studio is really nice. There is a long portion where it is a glorious tunnel of trees. The sunlight pops in and out through the leaves as my car rides and dips along the hills.

In the movie the mom dies and the little boy is watching old video footage of their family....at one point he says " she always saw me, like really saw me- and when she looked at me I knew that I truly existed."

It prompted this post....

Here they are. 
Standing on a road we didnt plan. 
Can you tell them?
Tell them how much I loved them? 

Will you see them? really see them.

Will you rock my little Apple to sleep every night
and play dinos with my Aiden?
Will you know what Ainsleigh is saying and know how to meet her needs?

Will you laugh with them and make them the priority?
Will you teach them how to love well? And let them see love and life in your eyes.

More than that.
Will you love them like I do?
Can you...for me?

Can you be soft with them. Slow to react, quick to listen.
Calm, kind voices that are filled with love and compliments.

Can you snuggle them and tell them how amazing they are. Can you make their dreams come true? 

Can you comfort them when they are sad...and explain to them about life.
Will you wipe  every tear? And protect them above all else?

Will you tell them they changed my life forever. 

They ignited love and passion in me that I didnt know existed.

This is what I ask of you.

If I am gone. 

Tell them our story. 
me and them.


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photos c/o: gingersnap photographs

** Amanda (who took these pictures) found out yesterday that her little girl has a brain tumor. I am shocked and so incredibly heartbroken for their family. I really and truly cannot imagine. She has four little girls and one of them, Reese, is the one with the diagnosis.

You can see their family blog here

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31 comments:

  1. Oh my goodness. This makes me want to cry for some reason. So beautiful though!!

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  2. Casey, as always, your words simply resonate with me. May I be quick to listen and slow to speak with my own little ones And our family will be praying diligently for sweet Reese!

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  3. Praying for your friends, Casey. What difficult news to receive. I could never watch that movie either without a big box of tissues.

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  4. Yesterday, something happened that I can't shake today. I was at a friend's house with another friend as well. We were having a pizza party for halloween. Anyways, I told one of my daughters to sit up at the table, and the second friend quickly repeated my command to my daughter in a much harsher tone. I didn't say anything because I was a bit stunned, but it has been bothering me all day. Reading your post really brings to the front of my mind WHY it bothered me so much. I am not always as gentle with my girls as I wish I was, but it really angered me when a friend was harsher with my children than I myself would be. I know I need to talk to her about it now...it's just hard to confront friends.

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  5. Your words and photographs are incredibly moving, Casey, and the love for your children is huge! It's wonderful.
    /Camilla

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  6. Casey, this is so beautiful. Your heart for your kids really challenges me to remember what my life is really about, and how to make use of the time I have with my son. Thanks for your honesty. And I'll be praying for your friend, that is heartbreaking.

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  7. Teary-eyed after that.
    Movies hit me hard too. I don't know what it is, but I make sure to avoid certain movies because of it.

    Love to you,
    and to Amanda and her sweet family.

    xo.

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  8. I am the same way with what I see/watch. I will be praying for your friend. I checked out her blog, what a sweet little girl...so hard :(

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  9. They are already so very loved by so very many, I just know it. =)

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  10. Great post Casey! Very heartfelt and touching. You do wonder those things as a mother, and worry if that unfortunate day were to come what would happen. However, god has blessed you and your family and wraps his loving arms around you to keep you safe. You're a great mama and I admire that!

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  11. beautiful photographs. What devastating news regarding the photographers daughter. hopes, prayers and best wishes to their family at this sad time xo

    Gina | pebbz notebook

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  12. Oh Casey I'm the same way with movies. I have to be very careful what I watch. So sorry to hear about your friend's little girl. Prayers for her and her family. xo

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  13. Yes - bring on the tears. I pray that none of us have to face this, but Lord be with our little ones in the case that it does.

    And praying for your friend. I cannot imagine such a diagnosis for one of my children. Heartbreaking!

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  14. Oh Casey, your beautiful heart! Movies stay with me too, I can imagine the feelings that stayed with you. Though I don't have littles of my own yet, I can only begin to imagine those feelings you have.

    I will be praying for Amanda and her little girl. As my pastor always says, "Don't let the mountains tell you how big they are. Shout to those mountains how big our God is."

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  15. Hi Casey, I'm not yet a mom but when I think about the kind of love I want to have for my children I can only hope it will be as deep and known as you describe with your kids. Thanks for being an inspiration. x

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  16. I am so sensitive to everything. In fact, just yesterday I was telling a friend that lately things just crush me. I mean, tear me apart. She immediately asked if I was expecting and I'm not, but I fear what it will be like whenever I am. This is beautiful. I pray for the same thing all the time - I want my legacy to be the way I made people feel and the love I had toward them.

    www.domesticatedworkingwoman.blogspot.com

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  17. I sometimes think about my kids when I'm gone too. What will be of them, who will tell them about me? this post really touched my heart as I'm always trying to make sure they understand how important they are to me. You have done such a beautiful job here to express how in love you are with your kiddos, that if you were ever gone, I'm sure they'd be able to feel your presence as they read your writing.

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  18. I feel like you went into my soul, dug out my feelings, and jotted them down, much more beautiful than I could have ever done. Casey, these are my thoughts. Exactly.

    Just this morning, Lance took Easton to school (I take him every day), and the what if's started pouring in. What if...me; at if...they; but they are all what ifs. And I pray to the Lord that none of them will ever, ever, ever come true. That we can live forever till Jesus comes!

    And God bless this dear family. They will be in my prayers!

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  19. It makes me sad that you think about death so much... only because I don't want you living in fear everyday and in the "what if".... I have had tragedy in my life as well as you so I understand that fear...for me it all happened pretty much all at once, my dad passed away when I was just 17 from a sudden heart attack coming home from a family vacation, 2 months later my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer and had to go through a year of chemo and radiology, that same summer by brother's best friend died while on vacation when he was 18.... I know now to not take anything for granted but I had to stop living in fear and the "the what if" or be scared of airports anymore, I had to not live everyday thinking what if I die of a heart attack or breast cancer before I turn 40 or 50, I had to let all those things go because life is short, and even if mine ends up being shorter then I want, I need to be IN every moment enjoying it, soaking it in, and not living in fear or worry.

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  20. I am not a mother, but you make me really consider it and want to be - when I read your posts, I know that my mom, while we are different in manys ways, instilled in me the love and kindness you speak of. I am so thankful she was able to raise me and give as much as she has throughout my life. I know she is always on my side, always - meaning having my best interest at heart. This post brought tears to my eyes at work. Thank you for being so raw. So truthful. And for sharing your life and loves with all of us. You amaze me. And continue to.

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  21. absolutely beautiful. you wrote what my soul desires as i am quickly approaching the day that i will be a mama.

    XO.
    thank you for sharing about this precious family. I will be praying for them!

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  22. this brought tears to my eyes. so moving, friend... xoxo i often think about what my kids would do without me, if they know how much i love them...i was in tears last night making sure my oldest son, who is 9 knows how special he is. he always says "why can't i be normal?" because he has some social issues. it breaks my heart. I tell him, You are normal, you are perfect. you are the way God made you to be and i love you so much for it. i always want them to know...
    just in case...

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  23. Oh my, isn't it funny how having children changes everything? All I want my children to know is HOW MUCH I love them and that their existence is what made my life. Nothing else matters. I'm so sorry for your friend, thinking of her and her precious little one.

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  24. *tears*
    Thank you for this amazing post. I also have this horrible fear of not being there for my children while they grow up. All the things I would miss and would they even remember me?Oh how the enemy can mess with our minds!
    We all take things for granted and I pray that God gives me piece of mind to ENJOY all these moments that I am experiencing now with my kiddos(2.5 year old and 9 month old girls).
    This post reminds me that my decision to take a break from my nursing career and be a mommy full time is the best thing we've ever done! God has put it in my heart, I just needed to listen to him!
    thanks for your blog--I can always relate as a Christian mommy and wife :)

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  25. Thanks for this post---my husband and I recently decided to listen to what God is telling us and have me stay home with our 2 little girls. This means giving up a good nursing career but as your posts reminds me--these years with my children are what God has planned for me, I am to invest in them, my husband, and our household.
    I have the same fears that you express--what happens if I'm gone or something happens to one of my children? The enemy loves to play mind tricks.
    thank you for your honesty--I always can relate to you as another Christian wife and mommy!

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  26. Casey your posts are always beautiful but this one actually brought a tear to my eye. What you wrote should be a guideline on how to be a parent, and if you don't mind I'm going to save it somewhere on my computer so I can go back and read it once I have little ones of my own - it's inspring.
    And about your photographer Amanda's little girl, that is truly devastating, I honestly can't imagine.
    I will keep her and her family in my thoughts.
    ps, we have the same light up turtle, except we bought it for our bedroom haha

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  27. this post really strikes a chord with me too... my biggest fear is not being here to care for my children. there are things only a mother's heart can know.

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  28. This post touched my soul in many ways... Thank you for reminding me how beautiful life is.

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  29. This is just so heartbreaking. You always touch these questions in our hearts that we like to never think or worry about. Its amazing how becoming a parent makes you think about things we never worried about before. Every night when I get my daughter to sleep, I pray so hard for her and for us to be around to see her grow up and to see her happy and settled in her own life. I'm from Pakistan originally and over there many elders say the same prayer for you when you part. I thought it is beautiful. But this fear will always be there within us. Praying for you and your family, may you be there to witness your babies grow up and be there for their joys and sorrows!

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  30. This is so moving, especially since my aunt died last April. My cousins are 12, 15 and 16. It hasn't been a year, yet a Mother's Day, her birthday, Father's Day, my aunt and uncle's anniversary, the first day of school, two of my cousins' birthdays, my uncle's birthday, Halloween, etc. have come and gone. This loss is just immeasurable for our family. Of course, my mom, the rest of the family, and family friends try to fill in the gaps, but no one loves you and comforts you and believes in you like your mom. And that is why this made me so sad. As much as we all love and support the boys, none of us are "Mom." If the worst were to happen, though, there would be people in your children's lives who would be there and do what we are doing in our family - being there and doing what we can, while also acknowledging that a mom's shoes are too big for us.

    Thanks for sharing,

    Alison

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  31. I can absolutely relate, Casey. It has gotten to the point to where I have to really shield myself from things. I can usually balance myself eventually, but being pregnant, my hormones aren't in control and I literally can't watch TV or read books that I normally like. I would probably be thinking about that movie for a very, very long time with tears in my eyes.

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