i can see.

January 24, 2013

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Little House by Amanda Seyfried on Grooveshark 

I posted this pic on instagram and had to share it here too. Someone commented that it looked like Aiden was sending sunlight out into the world....and that made me love this picture even more than I already did. It made me love it even more, because my daily prayer & hope is just that...that these babies and that Chris & I can be lights for our beliefs- and send "sunlight" out into the world.

I am big on "feeling deeply" letting yourself feel. Feel it all- the ugly and the hurt...along with the joy and the good.

I want to incorporate more music into my posts to help move your hearts a bit when you read. I put a sweet song above to listen to while you read :).

I often run to the grocery store early before anyone is awake. Once a week I hop into the car alone and set out to pick up what we need for the week. When I am leaving the store, without fail everytime, the doors automatically swing open as I am leaving//  the wind and sunshine hit my face and I instantly close my eyes, smile and take in a deep breath of fresh air. The sun is normally just beginning to rise and is shining directly unto me. 

I instantly thank God for my eye sight. 
That I can SEE. 
I thank Him that I can feel the sunlight on my cheeks
that I can smell the crisp air.
I thank Him for the ability to walk out of that store. 
I thank Him for the huge gifts like touch, eye sight, hearing and walking that are all gifts daily taken for granted. 

This is a weekly ritual. I never ever want to take it for granted. 
It isn't promised to me. 

I am so grateful for these gifts. 
I am so grateful to be able to experience life with these gifts, to see the beauty, to smell it , feel it, taste it. I know that not everyone has these and that being grateful and giving thanks for these are and should be a natural overflow of my gratitude. 

All this time later I am not sure if I would say I am thankful for the loss but I can say I am thankful now for how it changed me. FOREVER thankful that God redeemed it and gave me our precious Apple. Thankful that I can let my mind wonder sometimes, "who were you little one?"
You were in me. You were life. 
and then you were gone. 

I do carry that.

but I am truly okay now. I don't know the purpose. But I know I have Apple and she has my heart and soul.
I am thankful that the heartache from that made me better. It made my heart bigger.
It made me love better.
It made me a different person... along with my other life heartaches.

It made me understand.
If you are there right now, you know what I mean.

Thank you Lord that my heart is open to feeling.
The good and the bad.

Thank you that this journey gives us both. 

Worship to me is more than signing a song. I believe that you can experience worship in all things. 
It can be letting the view of a beautiful mountain top take your breath away,
It can be the awe of a crashing ocean along a beach,
it can be the smell of your baby when she/he sleeps alongs side you

Worship can be as simple as smelling the crisp air and letting the sunshine warm your cheeks.
as simple as leaving a grocery store.

++++++++

A beautiful book that I have just started about pregnancy after loss, written by a dear friend can be found here. I highly recommend it :).  

I wanted to share this post I wrote on Disney about Aiden & I...there are a lot of "candid, everyday" pics of He & I when he was a baby! post here!

**also many of you asked on Wednesday if I would share about the preschool class that I mentioned in my post. Yes, it is a 4 week class and I would absolutely love to share that knowledge once the class ends! 

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32 comments:

  1. you make me cry. every time....seriously.
    so incredibly thankful for you and that God put in in my life..

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  2. What a lovely ritual of going grocery shopping by yourself. Sometimes I will complain about having to walk too far to a door in the cold... and then I'll remind myself that there are others who would give ANYTHING to walk... regardless of the temperature outside. It's always about perspective. Thank you for reminding me:)

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  3. I love that you thank Him for the little (truly BIG) things. I always thought I was silly for this but I thank God that I can see in color. I did not know growing up that some people can't see all the colors, and when I did learn about this as a teen it made me sad for them but at the same time thankful. Beautiful post as always.

    ps... thank you so much for sharing the link to the book!! :)

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  4. Beautiful post about choosing joy. This breathed life into my heart as I read it. Thankyou.

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  5. Your paragraph on worship is amazing. God spoke through you there in a beautiful, loud and clear way! My thankful thursday post is about blessing others because we ourselves are blessed...and reading this tonight was that blessing for me. Thank you!!

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  6. Loved your comments about worship being in the everyday things. I love trying to remember that- trying to remember that Christ is in all the little moments and that the mere fact that He is there makes each moment sacred. Beautiful.

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  7. Thank you for sharing this. Seriously.

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  8. I do these same things....randomly thank Him for the little things that no one thinks twice about. Maybe it's in my blood to never take things for granted....I love that you do this as well....

    xoxo

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  9. Casey, absolute beautiful post! I love that song, I love the Disney post with you and Aiden (I was nursing my little Abe as I read it... those pictures melted my heart), and I love your perspective on life. I love how you feel so deeply and how you thank God for the things we often take for granted. Again, I'm so grateful to get to know just a little about you through your blog. You are a beautiful person. Just wish we lived closer! :)

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  10. What a beautiful image of light and love. May we all live in the level of daily gratitude that you capture here. My best - Monica

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  11. Your post could not have come at a better time for me. Today is the anniversary of when we lost our baby (through a miscarriage as well). Thank you for this beautiful post. I will definitely be checking out that book as we are still hopeful that we too will someday have our little baby.

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  12. Every time I read something you have written from your heart, I want to comment and tell you I love it. That you move me. That you make me feel Gods love. That you remind me.

    But then I know that my words aren't enough. And I just pray that somehow, in some small way, you will be able to feel my heart. my gratitude. and my love for you.

    I don't know you personally - but you have blessed my life. And I look up to you. I adore who you have become, and who you are becoming.

    I hope one day I can make you feel just how grateful I am for your spirit. I hope i can follow in your example. In Christ's example.

    Thank you for the sunshine. the light.

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  13. This is a beautiful post, Casey. I think so often we seek to protect ourselves from pain. We forget that our ability to feel anything, even pain, is unique and the grace of God manifested in us.

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  14. We are truly lucky for just being able TO SEE.

    We always have to remember that nothing is for granted in this life and every day is a fight.

    I share the same beliefs...

    www.zadinblog.com

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  15. SO powerful and real Casey. Love that photo too...beautiful. em

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  16. You are so honest and your posts are so heart-felt that it makes me wanna cry every time. Love your blog and your family is just adorable!


    happymedley.blogspot.com

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  17. Great post, Casey!
    I love the ritual of your weekly morning grocery run! I love to go late at night but I think when it gets warmer here in Minnesota, I'm going to go for the morning! But definently not when its -10 degrees. :)
    Thanks again for the inspiration of your beautiful blog.

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  18. Great post, Casey!
    I love the ritual of your weekly morning grocery run! I love to go late at night but I think when it gets warmer here in Minnesota, I'm going to go for the morning! But definently not when its -10 degrees. :)
    Thanks again for the inspiration of your beautiful blog.

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  19. Love your heart, Casey. I know you hear that SO often every single day from bloggers, but dear, I am thankful for you. My faith in God is the biggest part of me, the one thing that drew my husband to pursue me, the one thing that leads each and every decision I make. I want to write about that more. I want to write like this. Especially because the way you said you feel things - all things, bad and good - so deeply, I am the SAME way. I think depression does that to me. But, the joys are SO big and the pain is so deep. I love this.

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  20. Thank you for a reminder about:
    -being present
    -the glory of alone time (even if before 6am)
    -the power of music..and your written word.

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  21. i love the picture and it is true that he is sending light into the world :)

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  22. I love to say that "gratitude is an attitude"...I can choose to be grateful or not, but life is so much more fulfilling when I'm thankful, even for the tough stuff. It all has it's purpose. I feel the same way you do about worship. It can be expressed in so many ways. XO

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  23. I read your post today after posting mine. It made me smile...a few similarities ;)
    I wrote it for my friend who just found out her baby has holes in it's heart and might have Down Syndrome. I feel her pain because I know it so well...she will soon know the joy that I know so well!
    Much love,
    Natalie

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  24. Fran's book is blessing me so much in my pregnancy after loss. What a gift!!! Love you friend!

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  25. Thank you for this beautiful post! I liked what you said about worship being more than a song but that it can be found in the little things you do everyday. That part spoke to me a lot and I am so thankful to have found it here on your blog.
    xo friend from Canada
    Bee

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  26. My favorite thing is when I go to the gym really early at my apartment (it's a short walk) and opening the door, feeling and smelling the cold air. It just smells different that early in the morning. Beautiful post :)

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  27. I love this post...such beautiful words Casy!
    xoxo
    Erin

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  28. beautiful.

    Sarah=)

    www.etsy.com/shop/owleyevintage

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  29. casey your words are so beautiful & hit right at the heart of being thankful.
    although i have not been through the type of heartache of losing a child, the last two months i've experienced the heartache of a breakup. i love what you said about the heartache making you better. i've been reading "one thousand gifts" by ann voskamp & this reminds me so much of her. being thankful for the good & bad.
    praise God for the words He put on your heart & for community & understanding & going through life together.

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  30. I so needed this. We lost our daughter in September, and her due date is coming up rapidly in a few short weeks. I sometimes feel like I can't move forward. Thank you for the reminder that this experience will continue to shape me in beautiful ways.

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  31. "who were you little one?"
    You were in me. You were life.
    and then you were gone.

    // i love you.

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