I had no idea how much my life would change this year. We are only two months in.
and it has changed.
I have learned things in the past month that I had never heard before. I literally see the world differently.
For a little bit over two years I have blogged here and some of it has been about fear.
fear vs faith/ me wrestling with God.
Fearing the worst for my babies.
Fearing the worst for myself.
I have cried out with the suffocating realities of this world we reside in. and some days it just about swallowed me.
About a month ago we strongly felt God pulling us to a new church. We went. and we dove in head first.
That first Sunday night I landed myself in a class on toddlers and a class on spiritual warfare.
Three weeks in I sat in the back of a classroom sobbing.
I was looking down at my paper clenching my jaw in every attempt not to breathe bc I knew with the next inhale the hot tears were coming.
And they came. in front of a class of people. and with a shaky voice at the end of class, I asked if my teacher would meet with me.
God was changing me.
Last week my sweet teacher (and now friend) came to my house and walked me through some of my fears.
"When fear is controlling you, the spirit of God is not... Fear of the enemy and faith in God are not mutually exclusive."
I faced my battles and my fears. I reached way deep down all the way to my 3 year old self and I faced all of it.
Sometimes allowing yourself to feel things is messy.
and sometimes it's easier just to occupy your thoughts elsewhere.
but today I am thankful. I am new and refreshed and today I see the world with new eyes.