loving myself.

June 06, 2013

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(this song makes me teary, so sweet)

It's no secret on this little space that I have struggled with insecurity and with myself.  Sometimes this little desire creeps in...a desire to prove something to myself. Because down deep I believe the opposite. 

A few things have happened recently that really pushed me take a step back & really convicted my heart.
Not only are we raising three kids but two of them are girls. 

and they are watching me.
How I view myself, how I talk about myself.

I saw this quote on pinterest recently by Kate Winslet

“As a child, I never heard one woman say to me: ‘I love my body.’ Not my mother, my elder sister, my best friend. Not one woman has ever said: ‘I am so proud of my body.’ So, I make sure I say it to Mia, because a positive physical outlook has to start from a very early age.”

Oh geez. I have a terrible habit of putting myself down. Apologizing for my looks when I am in sweats & I feel like I am a mess. I read that and all I could think about was what a terrible example I am setting for my girls. Where they should find their value.  

I just felt so sad reading that. I don't want to be that anymore. I want to set a good example...I want my girls to be confident yet graceful. Find their value in the right places. 

I guess we all want to feel cherished and beautiful. worthy.


"Little boys want to know, Do I have what it takes? Little Girls want to know, Am I lovely?"
-Captivating

I am timid. 
Dismiss compliments.

When we don't give these things over to the heart of God what is that? What am I filling that with instead? They say that you worship what you spend the most time, energy & thought on.
Convicting huh? I have re.read that sentence a hundred times today. 

We are scared that if someone really sees us, we won't be enough. We will be found out. 

For almost as long as I can remember I have wanted to feel pretty. I have had a deep desire in my heart to feel pursued and lovely and in more than one occasion that has wound up hurting me or hurting someone else. And now I have these tiny souls in my care...and what I am doing now will effect them greatly. Their decisions, how they view themselves, how they view beauty and even relationships. 

It's a heavy job to carry. 
I owe it to them though. 

I truly believe that when we love ourselves we have the ability to love others better. And we are setting an example. The right example. 

And so...if not for me....then for them

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apple blanket & pants c/o: jennifer anne // felt c/o: maypole

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51 comments:

  1. You're right, Casey, it's so important that we share with our kids the ability to love themselves, by being good examples & embracing our own inner beauty in a healthy way. As always, love the photos you're sharing tonight. Have a great weekend.

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  2. LOVE!!!!! Love all of it. I recently band the "F" word in my house and by the F word I mean fat. I cringe when I hear it and my daughters see and hear ladies that they love and admire put themselves down. They are little sponges and we as mamas have to be careful what their little ears hear and it all starts with us.

    Love this way to be bold and share your heart

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  3. Very sweet words. I love the reminder. We need to be so much better at loving ourselves and teaching our littles the same!

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  4. I never thought about it that way, how we are setting a poor example for our daughters when we dimiss our body image. Thank you for sharing.

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  5. I saw the same quote and it really touched my heart....

    My 17 year old daughter had been going through this phase of constantly counting calories (which she definitely does NOT need to do) and obsessing over her weight. I've never been one to be openly critical of my body or my weight. Sure sometimes the occasional "I need to lose some weight" comes out of my mouth, but I try not to talk that way in front of her. She lets things that other kids say get to her. Some girls in her PE class called her fat to be mean so she stopped eating almost completely for about 2 days. I try to reason with her, but she's as stubborn as I am so it's no use. High school kids are downright mean for the sake of being mean sometimes. I tell her all the time that she's beautiful and that she should have so much confidence with her athletic 5'6 & 130lb figure, but all it takes is one jerk criticizing her to send her into a tailspin. When and why did it ever become desirable for a women to have the figure of a 12 year old boy?!? Why is it so hard for us to say we love our bodies?

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  6. As a mom of a little girl, I can totally relate to this post. I also had someone pass this article along to me and am very conscious of how I talk to my daughter.

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lisa-bloom/how-to-talk-to-little-gir_b_882510.html

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  7. Longest comment ever, but I always hesitate to share and feel like I definitely should this time. Here we go...How strange that I read that same quote on pinterest recently? I also thought it was pretty powerful. It made me think of my mom and how she has always been so strong and confident, and in turn I grew up to be the same. She was constantly teaching me the depth of true beauty, both external and internal and she was such a great example of her own words. It was easy to follow her because she truly believed every bit of what she was teaching, living. You have always reminded me so much of my mom. I've wanted to tell you that a million times, but it always sounds strange :). She's an artist who raised me to understand the value of creating and sharing God's love through my talents. She told me so many times growing up that her calling was to sew her children into the world. To share them openly and to teach them to love and share their lives openly, and I see you do that every day with this blog. I don't know how weird it is for you to hear that you remind someone of their mother, but my mom is truly an incredible soul, just like you. So i mean it as a definite compliment. I see confidence in you and a strong spirit. I hope that you truly believe that you are beautiful. That you know that your heart and your life is 100% unique and that no one is amazing in the same way that you are. The thing about children is that they can see right through us. They're so perceptive. They see our worth, even when we don't sometimes. We should love who God made us because it honors Him and that's what they will take note of. Sure, I noticed physical things about my mom when I was a little girl like her giant "groovy" hippy style sunglasses that she'd wear when she'd drop me off at school and her long, jet black, shiny hair that was always so perfect, naturally. But more than all those things, I saw how huge her desire to honor God was by loving herself and others, and even through her struggles and imperfections, that always shined through and left a lasting impression on my soul.

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    1. This is soooo so so beautiful my friend. And I take these sweet words as a huge huge compliment that I remind you of your sweet mama...thanks so much for blessing me today friend!!!

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  8. I saw the same quote in a British newspaper and took a check on my parenting. I've also had a burning desire to be pretty from a young age and, while I don't think I talk much about it, I know I make comments to my friends now and again. And you're totally right, kids are so receptive to these things. I remember seeing my mum constantly dieting, then without knowing a thing about nutrition I made myself cut out certain foods from the age of 11 thinking I was fat (I wasn't). I just thought that's what people do. Luckily we have a very healthy attitude to food around here now, but I can tell my daughter every day she's beautiful, but if she sees me turn around and criticise myself I can bet which one she'll pick up on more!
    http://myfroley.blogspot.com

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  9. OH! Such wonderful words to live by...and SO, SO SO true...I sat and thought...WHO have I EVER heard SAY they love their body?? I want my girls to feel CONTENT and CONFIDENT in themselves. A very good post!

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  10. 1 John 4:16-19, "And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us."

    The statement "love your neighbor as yourself" is not a command to love yourself. It is natural and normal to love yourself. The fact that the vast majority of people in the world care for their own needs is testament to the fact that love for self is not lacking. The statement "love your neighbor as yourself" is essentially saying treat other people as well as you treat yourself. The idea of loving yourself as a command of Scripture is not accurate. The Bible presumes that people already love themselves too much—that is our problem. We are to take our eyes off ourselves and care for others. At the same time, self-hate is equally unbiblical. The Bible nowhere instructs us to hate ourselves.

    We love ourselves based on God's abiding love for us, and in response to this love we share it with all whom we come in contact with—our "neighbors." In fact, it could be argued that were someone to NOT love himself it would be an act of sin, as it would, in essence, be rejecting God's love. Perhaps a more biblical phrase would be, "You must love one another out of obedience to God, which cannot be done outside of experiencing God's love yourself in the first place and accepting what that love reveals about yourself.”

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    1. perfectly said my friend. so so good.

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  11. Casey, this is really lovely. I feel the same with my little girl and I make it a point to tell her how beautiful and SMART she is every day. I make a point to tell her I work out to be healthy and strong and I plan to work really hard on making sure she knows how gorgeous she is inside and out. Being a girl/woman is tough! Don't we all want our daughter's to feel better about ourselves than we did? We can only hope, and try:)

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  12. One, I love Apple's little blanket. That is beyond precious. I love things that have the baby's name on it. And two, I loved reading this post. I have two little boys right now, but I do think it is really important how I talk about myself. It affects them and set them up one way or another.

    -Ashley
    http://pencilleddaydream.com

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  13. What a wonderful post. - Sarah

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  14. Beautifully said! Needed to read this today. Thanks for sharing.

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  15. casey, this resonated with me so much. i don't have kids, but want to set that "i love my body" example for the boys and the girls. men should know that women can love themselves too. i think it can be hard when they hit puberty and are surrounded by women that hate everything about their bodies. it helps men hate those bodies too and treat them with less respect.
    thanks for this!
    kw ladies in navy

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  16. True true. I hadn't thought of that really. I have a daughter as well...and having suffered from self-esteem issues through life...I think it's important that I remember this! Cheers.

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  17. So true. It must be part of the plan that our kids are here to teach us things we couldn't learn on our own!

    I recently did a photo project to help women see/remember their beauty.

    Beauty is a belief, much like faith. It's a truth that makes us happy when we honor it, it's a wonder why we spend so much time fighting against the truth, especially it causes hurt and pain.

    You are beautiful...

    Here is a link to my project: http://www.ccmcafeeperspective.com/2013/05/mothers-day.html

    Carolyn

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  18. Casey, you are amazing. Thank you for being so vulnerable with us and encouraging our hearts to embrace and love ourselves for who God made us! I totally agree that when we love ourselves we are able to embrace and bring JOY to others! And you are beautiful...just stunning:) Love Katie

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  19. So beautifully said. I love that quote so much too. I think of it every time I say something negative about myself and I know that I want to be that kind of mom too, Lord willing. I love your blog and you!
    Love, Christiana

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  20. Beautifully put. I never heard anyone saying that growing up, and oh, what a difference it would have made! I, too need to keep that in my words and actions with a growing baby girl to look after.

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  21. This is amazing and inspirational. So true. Your baby girls are lucky to have you as a mom and role model.

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  22. I recently saw this quote as well. I'm praying that I can be a mother who breaks that cycle. He who began a good work in you with carry it out until the day of completion. Be encouraged! Also, you're gorgeous. The end.

    ~Taylor

    liveandmoveblog.blogspot.com

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  23. Oh, how timely this song and post is. A friend and I were chatting last night about this very thing. How her mom sought to perfect (both herself and my friend) and how my mom just never seemed pleased with appearance and how that translates in my life. We both commented that we don't have kidlets yet, but we're worried about what we will pass on. Fantastic reminder and song. Thanks, Casey.

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  24. My sister and I were talking recently about something similar - how society goes back and forth on weight issues - skinny is great, curvy is great, super skinny is better, etc. We talked about how we would rather our girls see themselves as being healthy, not skinny, not chubby, etc, but healthy. We are encouraging good habits with eating, exercise, and not putting too much focus on their looks.

    I always ask them what they are reading, what they like to do and try to engage their minds. My daughter is almost 9 and has told me she feels like she has leg fat. The girl is so full of muscle it's crazy and she is already worrying. I try to tell her over and over how smart she is, how creative, etc and stay away from praising her looks so much. Pretty can and does fade, but compassion and courage are forever!

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  25. Love this, Casey! I know I've told you this before, but I'd love to look like you when I grow up! ;) And from what I can tell, act like you, too! It's so funny how we perceive ourselves. When I see pictures of you and your precious family I always think that you are so beautiful and that your life must be perfect! I know this isn't true (Well, you are beautiful, but I know your life isn't perfect.), but I still view it this way. Thank you for this great reminder. I've always been so hard on myself and I need to remember that my little Emma is always watching me. I wrote a post not too long ago about my little shadow. This is what she calls herself! :) Hope you have a blessed weekend, friend!! Hugs! :)

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  26. is your second quote from Captivating? I really love that book, my husband gave it to me when we were first married. I have a husband who gives me a book like that, tells me I'm beautiful daily and wants to kiss me and hug me all the time and yet I too find myself apologizing daily for my looks, apologizing for being in sweats. again. not wanting to kiss because i haven't been able to brush my teeth. again. not being able to shower, brush my hair...work out... these early years of motherhood are rough some days. but i too have two little girls now and one boy, and I often think, "I need to stop apologizing for my appearance.." Especially when I have a husband who loves me so much, who thanks me for looking the way I do because its meant giving him a family and making our home about people and love and more importantly God, and allowing God to use our lives for His glory. I hope our generation, as mothers, encourages our daughters to love themselves in the way God wants them to, that we produce daughters who are healthy and happy with themselves because they had mothers and fathers:) who showed them what real beauty is and what true self worth is...especially when we have a relationship with God:) oh boy, I really hope this makes sense, sick kids, a newborn.....agh life;)

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  27. Oh I love this post so, so much :)

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  28. I love this SO MUCH Casey. So beautiful. You are so beautiful and so vulnerable and this is why I blog - to show the world that no woman is alone. This song is so beautiful. Also, it's pretty awesome because it we SPEAK truth out loud, our mind and emotions will soon follow. God is using your DAUGHTERS to help heal insecure parts of your heart. PRAISE HIM!

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  29. This very sentiment (that they are watching me and learning to be women from me) is what keeps me going - keeps me striving to be better, to treat myself with more grace, to love myself so they can know how to love themselves. It's powerful.

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  30. I linked up a similar post today. It must be "insecurity welling up" post day. WE have to claim that TRUTH every single day because it is so easy to believe the lies. And then they turn us into something that we aren't meant to be. I continue to work on this daily....I don't have girls yet but I hope to someday. And I want them to love themselves. I want them to see themselves the way God intended it to be...fearfully and wonderfully made and redeemed!!!

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  31. I totally agree Casey. I have a son but I want him to love his body. It's not just a girl thing. I want my son to see that i love myself, my body and who i am and that is very hard to do. Beautiful post today.

    Stop by and enter my sephora giveaway and link up to my tres-chic fashion thursday link up.

    agi:)

    vodkainfusedlemonade.com

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  32. casey, this is so well written. from the heart and from experience. it's something most woman struggle with, but you said it best "when we love ourselves we have the ability to love others better. And we are setting an example."

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  33. What a beautiful post! That quote from captivating is one of my favorites, it speaks the truth of our differences and strengths. Thanks again for being so honest and vulnerable.

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  34. I agree! It is so hard. But I grew up with my mom always feeling like she didn't look good and my sister and I both could see it and feel it and I struggle with the same things now so I'm trying to break the cycle. I make a huge effort to not talk about my weight negatively in front of my girls. I go out on errands without make up on like it's no big thing because I want them to know that those things don't matter one bit. I try big things and let them know that even though it's scary and that I might fail, all that matters is that God loves us. I want them to find their value in the Lord's vision of them and not the pressures of the world.

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  35. casey you read my mind! i posted just this week about something very similar...i just had to link it! it's under the linky called 'cheat' loving your blog even though i don't comment very often, so it's nice to stop still for a moment to say hi x

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  36. This entry really spoke to me. My daughter is 5 months but the size of a one year old. People constantly comment on her weight and say if something makes her look skinny.. Like really? I'm so worried that this is going to continue to happen.. She has to love her self inside and out and know her value lies far beyond her looks or weight. Thank you for posting. I will save this post as a constant reminder of what's important.

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  37. This entry really spoke to me. My daughter is 5 months but the size of a one year old. People constantly comment on her weight and say if something makes her look skinny.. Like really? I'm so worried that this is going to continue to happen.. She has to love her self inside and out and know her value lies far beyond her looks or weight. Thank you for posting. I will save this post as a constant reminder of what's important.

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  38. Bravo. I too have a little girl who watches everything I do. I was raised in a home of constant criticism and constant "new diets" being tried and failed. Just last week my 60 year old mother once again started the diet talk. I felt I was never thin enough, pretty enough and have spent way too much time hating my body. So a couple of months ago when I realized how much my little toddler was absorbing I decided I would fake it until I believed it. I so desperately want to preserve her copious amounts of self-esteem. She will never hear the word fat or diet come out of my mouth. I have made a vow for her to see me eat really well, exercise and proudly walk around naked after showering. This is how we change a generation.

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  39. Casey, I am truly grateful for this post. I found your blog a couple of months ago and have so enjoyed reading it and been very encouraged by it. This struggle is one that I am very familiar with in my own life and, especially lately, have been hit hard with how it has and will affect my little girl. The Lord is working on my heart and I pray that my life more greatly begins to reflect His truth in this area. Having a daughter has made me crave change in this area more deeply than ever before. I pray it happens and that I display to her, more faithfully, where true beauty lies and to thank Jesus for how beautifully He has created each one of us. Thank you for openly sharing your heart. Know what a rich encouragement it is!

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  40. Casey, I am truly grateful for this post. I found your blog a couple of months ago and have so enjoyed reading it and been very encouraged by it. This struggle is one that I am very familiar with in my own life and, especially lately, have been hit hard with how it has and will affect my little girl. The Lord is working on my heart and I pray that my life more greatly begins to reflect His truth in this area. Having a daughter has made me crave change in this area more deeply than ever before. I pray it happens and that I display to her, more faithfully, where true beauty lies and to thank Jesus for how beautifully He has created each one of us. Thank you for openly sharing your heart. Know what a rich encouragement it is!

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  41. Thank you Casey. You have such a graceful and beautiful way with words and I am truly grateful.

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  42. I love, love, LOVE this Casey. As a mama to a girl (soon to be two girls) .. I can totally relate to this. :)

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  43. thank you for posting this! last thursday i was 40 weeks pregnant with my little girl, and my water broke at midnight. i was walking around the house, trying to get labor to ramp up, and passed the time catching up on blogs.
    i read this between contractions, and it REALLY made me think about her and the blessing of having a little girl, and the messages i am entrusted with sending her -- a message that she is wonderfully made by a God that loves her.
    (and now she's here! http://www.thekriegers.org/2013/06/introducing/)

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  44. Such a great perspective...something I'm working on with myself as well. What a great motivator to prepare myself to be a Mama someday! :)

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  45. I really love how bravely you share, Casey :) You're a beautiful soul. So much of what you wrote, resounded in me-- I'm more timid in relationships and definitely brush off compliments. I even go so far as to feeling like I have to apologize or expound on my weaknesses when I'm complimented at times (I just can't stand the thought of someone getting an impression of me that may not be true and makes them feel like less). I've struggled with insecurities, too, especially in my first few years of marriage. I married a man who reminds me everyday how much he loves me, how much I sweep him off his feet, but I struggled to believe the truth that someone would love me like that forever. God did a deep healing in my life when He showed me how my insecurities were affecting not only my relationship with my husband but also with my God as well. It was a miracle how He healed my heart and helped me receive my husband's love. I'm still learning to let God love me. To let Him love me when I fail, when I forget, when I'm wrong. It's hard sometimes for me to receive this amazing love that is altogether more than I deserve, but I'm so thankful God never gives up, never stops loving me, and sees so much more in us than we'll ever grasp this side of heaven. It's something I'll gladly learn for the rest of my life and pray my daughters will as well.

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  46. I really love how bravely you share, Casey :) You're a beautiful soul. So much of what you wrote, resounded in me-- I'm more timid in relationships and definitely brush off compliments. I even go so far as to feeling like I have to apologize or expound on my weaknesses when I'm complimented at times (I just can't stand the thought of someone getting an impression of me that may not be true and makes them feel like less). I've struggled with insecurities, too, especially in my first few years of marriage. I married a man who reminds me everyday how much he loves me, how much I sweep him off his feet, but I struggled to believe the truth that someone would love me like that forever. God did a deep healing in my life when He showed me how my insecurities were affecting not only my relationship with my husband but also with my God as well. It was a miracle how He healed my heart and helped me receive my husband's love. I'm still learning to let God love me. To let Him love me when I fail, when I forget, when I'm wrong. It's hard sometimes for me to receive this amazing love that is altogether more than I deserve, but I'm so thankful God never gives up, never stops loving me, and sees so much more in us than we'll ever grasp this side of heaven. It's something I'll gladly learn for the rest of my life and pray my daughters will as well.

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  47. What a beautiful post. I'm a brand new reader, but I truly am encouraged by how open you are with your readers. Looking forward to reading your blog.

    http://agodfashionedlife.com

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  48. What a beautiful post! I'm a new reader, but I truly appreciate how open and honest you are with your readers. Looking forward to reading your blog.

    http://agodfashionedlife.com

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