I don't walk alone.

December 03, 2013



I have mentioned that I have been anxious lately. Really ever since Chris left for his long trip this summer my anxiety has been a bit wacky. A lot of "what ifs", a lot of worry and about a week ago I started making it a point to read "Calm My Anxious Heart" before bed. Goodness. I have been so convicted that my anxious heart is a faith problem. As hard as that is to admit, it's true. I rely so much on "feelings" and need to be more focused on the truth of God's word. Anytime I start to feel a little anxious, I have started saying "He stands at all my tomorrows" and as simple as that sounds, it really helps. It's like facing my worst "what if" and saying, even if that became a reality...He will be there. He walks before me and I will be okay.

I don't know, sometimes I feel like I am the only one that lives in such a battle with this but writing about it makes me feel less alone. Like other people, other mamas out there fight this battle as well. I love with so much passion and such a fierce love, I wonder if I will ever be completely free from the worry?

I want to know what tomorrow holds, I want to know that there is nothing heartbreaking in it. This world we live in seems so out of control to me. But that is where my faith must come in. I must trust in His sovereignty. I must trust.

"My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened." -Montaigne (from the book Calm my Anxious Heart)

How true is that? I can make my stomach in knots just starting down the "what if" road and they aren't even a reality in my life. I need to wake up each day and just live day by day.
"He stands at all my tomorrows"




Casey Jeans c/o: Jordache 
Casey shirt: Style Lately

67 comments:

  1. Girl I have been struggling with the same... so bad. I need to read this book. Im always here if you need to chat xo

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    1. sweet friend this book really is so helpful, love you!

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  2. this is beautiful. anxiety is something i struggle with too. but there are NO benefits of it! i will be looking into this lovely book you mentioned. thank you for being so open and honest!

    bethany

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    1. I know right?!?! when has it ever helped!? xoxox!!

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  3. Casey your words are inspired. They so resonate with me. I am often the victim of self inflicted anxiousness and I often feel like my default position is worry, even though my life bursts at the seams with goodness and blessing. But I, like you, am working on it. Working hard to put my trust in Him because there are no truer words than what you shared: He stands at all our tomorrows. What comfort and reassurance!

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    1. thank you so much love, it honestly makes me feel better that I am not the only person that thinks this way!!!

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  4. I'm the exact opposite. I love the mystery of what God has ahead so much that sometimes I miss his voice in the moment. And I often confuse other's loud voices and opinions for his. I love that even though we're opposite, the heart of the matter is the same. Trust. We have to trust that he will carry us through all of our "what if" moments and that if we miss his voice the first time, he'll continue to whisper gently, knowing that our hearts are in search of him and will hear him. He is our sole provider.

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    1. oh I loved this so much, love love love

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  5. After I read your post, the next blog in my blog reader was this: http://graceannacastleberry.com/2013/12/03/a-brave-new-mom/. It ended with this:

    "Being a mother is not for the faint of heart. It’s not for the selfish. But the problem is, most of us are faint of heart and most of us are selfish.

    But that’s the amazing thing about God. He uses the weak things of this world to shame the wise (1 Cor. 1:27). And when we call on Him in repentance and humility, He hears (2 Chron. 7:14). And He makes us strong (Isaiah 40:31).

    So, new mom, don’t be afraid. Turn to God. He will help you figure it out. He will be with you as you step into the unknown. And to the mom who’s been at it a while, remember the One who helped you at the very beginning. He’s still there. And He delights in making the weak strong."

    I felt like I just had to come back and share it!

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    1. this totally just made me tear up!!!! thank you SO much for sharing it, means a ton!

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  6. Oh this was just what I needed to hear tonight. I am so guilty of letting my anxiety rob me of my "right now"...It's like I am so worried about what might happen later, that I miss out on so much that's happening right now. Adding this book to my list! xoxo

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  7. It seems like there are so many of us out there that feel like this. I struggle with it off and on and when it's on, it can be crippling. No, you ARE NOT alone. To hear someone else say this, it is so comforting because I feel the exact same way. ANd I too wonder if it is me doubting my faith…..To hear one of my very favorite bloggers come out and say how I've been feeling for years, well it makes me teary. Although I have never met you, I love the person you are and I want you to know that you make a huge difference in people's lives (mine included). Not for style posts or giveaways (Although those are great too ;) but because you open your heart and pour out all of your emotions, laying them on the table reminding all of us women know that we aren't alone! <3<3<3 Sending you hugs tonight…...

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    1. oh friend, you are always such a sweet encouragement to me, i just love you so! thank you for this, it made me teary.... means more than you know love

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  8. Thank you for reminding me that I have that book on my Kindle! I really need to revisit it more. Feeling anxious is such a yucky, unsettling feeling. I'm going to try and add "He stands at all of my tomorrows" into my days. It's such a lovely idea. I definitely needed to read this post today.

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  9. I loved this blog post! I've been lost in my head lately about emotional stuff, and this blog post was just what I needed to read tonight. I read a quote the other day, most likely scrolling through Pinterest, "the happiest people have been the saddest," This quote rang so true to me; knowing what true heartache feels like helps one understand what love feels like, therefore your are fully aware of what you have to lose, and that is the scariest feeling in the world isn't it? Keep the faith and thanks again for sharing your sweet spirit and thoughts with us!

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    1. this is seriously exactly it! thank you so much for this love

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  10. Thank you for sharing! I also love fiercely & completely relate to the fear that seems to produce. I do not know if ill ever be completely different. I do believe that the presence of Jesus makes us brave & like you, I try to remember this more often when I struggle with those fears. I know he isn't finished with me learning to trust him more. I also have learned to focus on just being his daughter and learning to love like him. 1 john 4:18.

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  11. Really sweet photos! I really get what you are saying- I find that whenever I feel truly happy, the next moment I'm filled with fear that it will all be taken away from me. When I was little I had a paralysing fear that when I went to sleep I would never wake up. Silly things to say out loud, but it helps to know I'm not alone. So thank you for sharing, and for reminding me to have a little more faith. Love the quote.

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    1. thank you so much for sharing this love, means a ton!

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  12. Oh Casey...anxiety is such a struggle for me. At times, it feels like a prison...and is definitely the one thing that I wish I could change about myself. I try to focus on my faith, trust in God, and enjoy the present moment, but those anxious thoughts can sometimes just pull the rug out from under me and it's those times where I find it the hardest. What is nice to know is that I am not alone. Thank you for sharing your heart and what has worked for you. Us mamas who worry also love and live hard and I wouldn't change that for anything. ;)

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    1. ugh it totally does feel like prison in some moments! thank you so much for sharing this love, means a lot!

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  13. Casey, your words have touched me greatly, but I rushed to comment and tell you that perhaps it is NOT your faith that is lacking. Perhaps it is something chemical. Thyroid, hormones, they all can affect anxiety and depression. For years I have battled these issues and thought, "if only I had more faith I'd be okay." Not so. I personally have needed therapy and medicine on and off during the past few years. I have a family history/disposition for depression and I have thyroid problems. I've come to realize that anxiety and depression is a weakness that God has given me. It's made me humble- not only do I need Him more, but I need those around me (including doctors).

    I have no idea what the details of your trial is, but just know that sometimes these things aren't JUST about a lack of faith. Sometimes it is something chemical, and that's okay.

    Love and prayers for you <3

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    1. oh thank you so so so much for this....its definitely something always on my radar, means a lot that you would share with me!!!

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  14. i have extreme anxiety and fear because i'm pregnant for the 3rd time after 2 miscarriages. before my miscarriages, i would say that i was a very faithful person. but after the losses...goodness, i don't know whether it's an issue of faith or not. because i truly believe, trust, and love the Lord. i just honestly don't know whether i can deal emotionally with another loss. so yes, my life has been full of terrible misfortune and i simply don't want to go through it again for a 3rd consecutive time.

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    1. oh my goodness friend, I am so so sorry for your losses. this made my heart break.... ,lifting your little one up in prayer right now....

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  15. I feel ya Casey, It seems that the more awesome my life gets. My children for example.. the more I fear of things lost. love is a scary thing… to feel so deeply for anything, even life… brings this fear of it being taken away. I get so overwhelmed with the ways of this world and raising my children here in it, I pray for Jesus to come rapture us all together now! But God has me here, us here… for a reason. for today. I don't want to miss it and its purpose…. by being afraid or worried… I have been trying to face my fears lately... { we did public school for two weeks } … I wanted to make sure I wasn't making decisions out of fear, but rather discernment. Turns out , it was a little of both, but after two weeks, my daughter and I both agreed, our initial choice to home school was best for both of us… I feel so much more freedom… knowing I gave it a try, I stepped out in my fears and trusted God with my daughter. I will have to check out that book you mentioned… it sounds like a must - have for me! Hugs friend. Thanks for your always open and honest blogs!

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    1. oh mama, yes to all of this. i cant even think about aiden starting school next year, ahhhhh! i love this, thank you so much for sharing friend

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  16. Casey, your blog means the world to me...I was pregnant with my first baby and about a month ago at 34 weeks pregnant, my baby too went to be at the feet of Jesus. It's been the hardest thing to go through and the only thing that helps sometimes is hearing about people who understand how it feels. I know exactly the feelings you write about, and the anxiety. A song that has really spoken to me lately is "gratitude" by nicole nordeman. Thank you for your blog and being honest about your life. It helps more than you know.

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    1. oh friend this just put a huge massive lump in my throat, I am so so so very sorry...I am lifting you up right this moment.....and thank you for taking the time to write me, means a lot

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  17. You are not alone with those feelings! I'm such a "feeler" also and it often makes me worried that something bad is going to happen- I worry that since things seem so good right now, that they won't always be that way. God is so good to us though and He's in control. I love the lyrics " I know who goes before me, I know who stands behind, the God of Angel armies is always by my side. Nothing formed against me shall stand, He holds the whole world in His hands!!"

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  18. I have terrible anxiety; not to mention we're about to move, my husband has been away for months of training and I'm about to bring our second child into the world. Stress is an understatement. Thank you for sharing this!

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    1. oh my goodness praying for you right this second friend!

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  19. Beautifully written post... I've struggled with anxiety and mild depression for the last 15 years... A daily process for me - I am learning to cast all my cares on HIM for HE cares for me. Thank you for being brave in your honesty.

    -M

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    1. thank you so much for sharing as well friend, means a lot to me, xoxoxo

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  20. You are most certainly not alone. I struggle so much with anxiety and I have found that, at least for me, it is most definitely an issue of my faith. I have also found that sharing my fears and the mistrust in my heart helps immensely. Things seem a lot smaller and a lot less scary when you look at them in the light and with others, instead of facing them alone and in the dark.

    There is a CS Lewis quote that says, "He's not safe, but He's good."
    I try to cling to that last part, when my naturally anxious self only sees the first half.

    Thank you for you honesty. It will get better...it will!


    In case you want to read about someone else's anxiety. =)
    http://emilyfridenmaker.blogspot.com/search/label/anxiety

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    1. oh my goodness I love this so much, that quote! I needed this! thank you so much friend

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  21. To love at all is to be vulnerable. -- C. S. Lewis
    Vulnerable to the what ifs, but in good company -- for He IS Love. I'm there with you, Case. Love you!

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  22. Sometimes it is amazing how smething as simple as a blog post on a blog you've been quietly reading for awhile, is exactly what you needed to read. Thank you for writing this. Anxiety is something I wrestle with daily and I end up in a constant loop of anxious feelings and guilt for not having enough faith. I"m ordering this book now!

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  23. This post inspires me. I have struggled with anxiety for my entire life and ever since becoming a mother 8 months ago it has gotten a lot worse. I have been having these horrible negative thoughts that I can't stop or control. My problem is I struggle with faith. It is nice to see someone like you who is strong in their faith coming to terms with these "what ifs". I would like to be able to believe there is someone/thing watching over us all, but I struggle. I will have to check out this book you mentioned!

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  24. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Your posts about your anxiety mean so much to me. Thank you for being open about your struggles, which just so happen to be mine too. You are one of my role models, just so you know. Thank you for your vulnerability.
    Can't wait to meet you at Hope Spoken! :D

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  25. i say it again, friend, we are twins :) for some reason my anxiety has amped up lately, too...some weeks, days, moments are better than others. i have also read "calm my anxious heart"...more than once...and i was just thinking how i need to read it again sometime soon. there have been so many trials and situations in my life, some self inflicted, that have caused my faith to ebb and flow...it is a constant battle for me. i have prayed many times for god to remove this struggle from my life, but every time he reminds me that his grace is sufficient for me. i am surrounded by so many awesome women, [including you :) ] that endure the same struggles...and god uses these women in my life in so many amazing ways...to encourage me, pray for me and lift me up...but mostly to remind me that i am not alone, even when i feel that i am. so remember sweet friend, you are most definitely not alone. :) hugs!

    rachel

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  26. "He stands at all my tomorrows" -- I can't tell you how much that little affirmation means to me right now. it's obvious from the comments that you are no where near alone in your struggle, and neither am I. It doesn't take it all away, but that simple sentence brings so much people. Thank you!

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  27. Thank you so much for posting this! I think that too often people overlook things like anxiety in their lives and pretend that everything is "okay". I am so encouraged by your posts and I am so thankful to lucky enough to read about your real life-struggles and all!

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  28. You know, after having things happen to me that I never saw coming, I see where you're coming from. I'm right there with you. I have learned to become afraid of affairs, cheating, lies, pornography... it all terrifies me and I find myself worrying so much about my relationship. Not because any of it has happened with it, but it HAS happened in my past... so unfortunately I transfer my feelings of worry and doubt to my current relationship. IT's so sad. This post is so refreshing that I'm not alone--even if the worries you have are significantly different than mine. Love you, Casey. You have such a beautiful soul :)

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  29. I have that book too! So good. Love that you always share your true heart.

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  30. Such truth. Love those quote.."most of which have never happened." Puts it into perspective!

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  31. I found your blog a year ago and I sneak on just about everyday:) You so inspire me and your faith strengthens my faith. So thank you for being so open and real. I've been a "what-if-er" and a worrier my whole life and it completely sucks the joy out of my life at times (a lot of the time). Ever since having my little girl 5 months ago the Lord's given me the bitter-sweet opportunity to really take a look at myself and choose whether or not I want my anxieties and fears to run my life or if I want Him to guide it. It's a daily battle every day but I get up, pray for my Savior's grace to strengthen me to be brave and trusting and I go to work trying to just live. You're definitely not alone!! My little mantra is "I'm a Mormon. I know it. I Trust it. I Live it. I Love it." And like yours, it really helps. I trust in my faith and hopefully one day it will be my default mode as opposed to my anxieties. Thanks for sharing, Casey.

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  32. I found your blog a year ago and I hop on just about every day! You so inspire me and your faith strengthens my faith. So thank you for being so open and real. I've been a worrier and a "what-if-er" my whole life and it totally sucks the joy out of living some days. Which is ridiculous but it's so difficult! Ever since having my little girl 6 months ago the Lord's given me the bitter-sweet opportunity to really take a look at myself and decide whether I want my fears and anxieties to run my life or if I want Him to guide it. So I'm working harder than ever to get up each morning and pray that my Savior's grace will strengthen me to be brave and trusting and then I get busy trying to just live. I KNOW He's right by our side and it all works out. My little mantra that I say to myself is "I'm a Mormon. I know it. I trust it. I live it. I love it." And like yours, it really helps remind me of why I have nothing to fear. I have faith in my faith. Thanks for sharing, Casey, you're definitely not alone in your daily struggle.

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  33. Love everything about this post Casey! You are DEFINITELY not alone girl. The struggle is real and I face it every day too. I think it's great that you've started using that little mantra. Words are powerful and the knowledge behind them can definitely effect the feelings those words bring.

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  34. Love this thanks Casey. Beautiful pics and this is a struggle of mine as well. The closer I become to the Lord the more it fades but it takes real effort. xo

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  35. oh casey,you are not alone. my hubby died 17 years ago. before then i was not a worrier or struggled with "tomorrow anxiety"...but i do.even still. i get frustrated with myself because i should "have this one" by now...i love how you said He stands at all your tomorrows. that's good. that's truth.
    thank you for sharing...you're awesome

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  36. This post is really special. I constantly struggle with anxiety and the moment I remember that I am not in control and He is, the moment I relax. Thanks for being so open!

    xo

    Michaela

    http://michaelajeanblog.com

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  37. sooooooooo encouraging!!!! thank you!!

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  38. sooooo tremendously encouraging!!!!!! thank you!! my life feels very out of control and it's been really hard, especially this week, to keep on keepin on as much as I strive to choose love and joy. He knows best ^^

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  39. You are not alone, and so brave for sharing. I recently read Joyce Brother's God Is Not Mad At You, and the suggestion that stuck with me, and has been helping me, is closing my eyes, looking up to the heavens, and simply stating "God, I give it all to you." This includes hopes, worries, anxiety's. Sometimes I can literally feel the load lifting off my shoulders.

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  40. You are definitely not alone, and so brave.

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  41. My friend and I talk about you all of the time and so agree with your feelings you write about. We are so like this as well. It can be so crippling to just worry about those what ifs. I love the book Calm My Anxious Heart. I love love love that book. I need to read it again. I love how brave you are to share your thoughts on being a mother. I think you give so many of us courage to be who we are and not think we are alone. THANK YOU!

    I am dying to have you on my Modern Sewciety podcast. I think you would be such a great guest to chat with. I mean if anything just to chat about this whole thing called life:)

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  42. I read a series of books with my girls called The Mandie Collection (highly recommend) and the character Mandie in the book whenever she was worried or afraid would say, "what time I am afraid, I will put my trust in thee oh God" and my girls started to say it all the time whenever they were afraid! so so helpful!
    xoxo
    tara

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  43. I love that you are spending time in gods word! Show the enemy who is boss!!! lol God's peace is there for the taking we just have to reach out and grab it....and drowned out the fears.

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