lasting love.

February 28, 2014



I am selfish. and used to be entitled. and just overall immature. I think at 22 when I walked into marriage I was ready for the fairytale and somehow missed the part about God using marriage to point out your sin, change you, mold you- the whole dying to self thing. There have been so many parts that are just like a fairytale... so many beautiful, raw parts that I hold so close and so dear. But they came differently than I expected. They come in all kinds of packages. Seeing your husband become a daddy or at 2 am when you are up working on a project and you suddenly feel like you are 22 again. It's when you see him sacrifice a dream to make yours come true or when you bond in a beautiful way through a loss or through heart wrenching ache.

If I were talking to my girls before they picked their men for life, I would tell them to focus less on the fairytale ideas and pick a man that will love and serve them, that will challenge them yet be patient as they grow and change.... to remind them that this isn't something you just change your mind into a few years in... you need to look past the romance books and pick someone whose heart you are in love with. Fall in love with his spirit.



I was asked to write about marriage for a blogger series called the marriage diaries so I have been thinking all week about being married and what it has meant for me. She asked writers to talk honestly about one thing that has challenged and surprised them about marriage. (Not THE thing, just one thing.) I would say I think we, as humans, all want to be loved. We want to be desired. We want to give back what we think we are getting in most cases. Sometimes the downward swirl in a marriage begins like a whirlpool. He lets her down, so she withholds a piece of her heart from him. She disrespected him here so he is not going to meet a need there. And so it begins. and the whirlpool is fed....until it's a thrashing river rapid and there doesn't look like much hope except to jump ship.

It's attaching yourself to someone and sharing your life with them.

If you even just look back on my blog when I started you can see the insecurity in me. I am struggling to figure out who I am. I am uncomfortable in my skin. and while it's not like I have it all figured out now, I have come a long way. It took 30 years but I can honestly say I feel like I found myself.  I think I didn't expect to see how selfish my heart was when I came into marriage. It was news to me.

Insecurity is a real stinker. When someone is stressed at work or hurting because of something completely unrelated to you....if you are insecure, you suddenly make it about you. It is because you aren't good enough when in reality it has nothing to do with you.

I have walked away from friendships in the past wishing I had been treated differently, loved differently.... I thought I deserved better and walked away. Now as time has passed I have realized part of that was my own pride and my own insecurities. Had I loved freely, expecting nothing in return, maybe it would have turned out differently.

I am grateful that I picked a man who has a truly pure heart. He holds the same things true that I hold true. He has stuck with me through the growing pains and has encouraged me to spread my wings and really helped me find my dreams. He is always trying to make my dreams come true. I couldn't have chosen a better man. There is truly no one I would rather figure out all of this with than Chris. He makes me laugh, he loves our babies well and he has fought for us even when things seemed hard. He's helped me find myself in a lot of ways.

He gave me the freedom to be me.

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30 comments:

  1. This is beautiful. I'm single and have NO clue as to if marriage is in my future, but I sure hope it is.

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  2. Casey I am so lucky to have a fantastic husband too! Love this post :) x x x

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  3. I got hit hard recently when I realized my husband loves me as much as I love him and that we truly are in the same team. What an amazing blessing!

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  4. love this! as someone wrote (i forget his name!) marriage is not for me. it's about loving the other person as best you can.

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  5. this is really sweet, casey. having met the both of you in real life, you're even more genuine and gracious than i knew. i resonated with a lot of this. i have changed so much in our 7 years of marriage so far.

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  6. Hi Casey- I love this post and really need to hear it. Your a beautiful person.

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  7. Casey- Thanks for this post, I really need to hear some of the things you pointed out! Your a beautiful person!

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  8. Oh Casey I just adore this. Such beautiful truth and such a beautiful reminder. Marriage helps mold us into the individual He intends for us to be. Glory to God! xox

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  9. Thank you for writing this today. I needed it. Last night as I lay awake thinking about the man sleeping next to me, I started the whirlwind of "not feeling loved enough...deserving more". But what? The fairytale? So much pride and insecurity in my heart. But I feel it stretching...and this man who waits for me is something strong and good. Thank you. :) Happy Friday!

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  10. I love this post. It's so true in so many ways and the way you wrote it is so beautiful.

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  11. I will have to say that this is one of the most timely posts for me to read. Your heart is beautiful and the rawness with which you write gets me every time. I have been struggling lately with my insecurities and how I have seen them manifest in my marriage, Its not what I wanted but I know that I just need to lean on the lord and pray my little heart out that my insecurities will be healed.

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  12. What a sweet post! You two make a beautiful couple and you've really hit the nail on the head when it comes to picking a life partner.

    xo

    Michaela

    http://michaelajeanblog.com

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  13. Beautiful post, Casey. I love that ,"fall in love with his spirit." I have one who is sensitive and tender. Tears fall from his eyes easily when he is touched by something or someone. Especially in church, when the Holy Spirit moves him. I do love his spirit. We will be married 35 years in May. Thank you Lord for my husband..... Btw, that picture of Chris in this post is amazing!!!

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  14. I feel so similarly. I was 18 when I met my husband, and I thought I was so mature. Looking back, sometimes I'm not sure why he stuck around. But he did. And I'm so thankful. It took me a long time to know who I was, but I'm lucky to have a husband who loved me through it all :)

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  15. So beautifully written, Casey! I married at 21 - he was 29 - and what a journey it has been! I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world, though! We will celebrate 12 years this December. Years 6-8 were really hard for us...we had completed our family and life sort of fell into a "ho-hum"...just a valley before coming back up the mountain in this rollar coaster called life, but looking back, the bad/hard times have made coming out on the other side all the more sweet.

    Thank you for sharing!

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  16. You know, I'm not sure I was completely ready for how marriage and babies would change me either. It's definitely been a growing process. God is continuing to teach me so much, but I'm so thankful my amazing hubby is on this walk beside me. My blog: www.deployedheart.com

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  17. SO beautiful Casey. Loved every single second.

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  18. This was wonderful to read. I hope I find such a great man like you have :)

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  19. This was beautiful to read! I hope one day I find someone for me like you have :)

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  20. I genuinely love y'alls love. I always have.
    I love how authentic and true it is. And I love that you're willing to share it here.
    You truly give me hope in marriage and in God and in people.
    Thanks Casey. Sincerely. xoxo

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  21. You are so blessed, Casey. xo

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  22. So beautifully said Casey! Couldn't agree more. I'm so grateful that beyond the initial romance and infatuation, I saw my sweet husband to be had a pure heart, honest character, diligent work ethic and unyielding loyalty. Walking through life with someone isn't something to be taken lightly. I'm so grateful some part of my young heart knew that when I met Ryan and thankfully, he knew that too recognized the good and potential in me. Thanks for sharing.

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  23. This was so sweet and beautifully written!

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  24. this is so touching my friend. this "Sometimes the downward swirl in a marriage begins like a whirlpool. He lets her down, so she withholds a piece of her heart from him. She disrespected him here so he is not going to meet a need there. And so it begins. and the whirlpool is fed....until it's a thrashing river rapid and there doesn't look like much hope except to jump ship."

    thanks so much for sharing

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  25. SO saving this for girls I meet with! so much wisdom here!

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  26. Beautifully written...such a beautiful family.

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  27. What a beautiful and encouraging soul you are! I'm getting married in October and I'm beyond thankful that I've grown past that fairytale junk that is thrown at all of us as little girls and into our adult lives. Our prince is the Almighty and that is awesome. Thanks for this post - it's encouraging to me and I'm sure many other ladies and gents as well. Your blog is refreshing.

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  28. What a beautiful and encouraging soul you are! I'm getting married in October and I'm beyond thankful that I've grown past that fairytale junk that is thrown at all of us as little girls and into our adult lives. Our prince is the Almighty and that is awesome. Thanks for this post - it's encouraging to me and I'm sure many other ladies and gents as well. Your blog is refreshing.

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