rescued.

April 17, 2014



A lot has happened in my heart in the past weeks. From Hopespoken to the events surrounding American Blogger I have gone through all different seasons of emotion in just a short three weeks. Leading up to HopeSpoken I had a stirring in my heart to try and reach back to my earlier writing days, when vulnerability wasn't quite so complicated. When my writing was just free emotion pouring out through my fingertips. No judgements, no assumptions.... just a free space to spill my soul. I have lost some of that along the way and I am not entirely sure how you fully ever gain it back. I am trying though. How do you hold onto that? How do you keep those precious words and thoughts safe?  Maybe it's just reckless abandon. Maybe its just believing so much in yourself, your intentions, your art, your thoughts that you stretch out your arms, throw your face to the wind and run without thinking twice.

HopeSpoken was such a sacred place. Stories and hearts and tears flowed with safety and vulnerability.  Honestly, this blog has created such a sweet community similar to HopeSpoken that I almost forget that outside of this space, when you open yourself to an even larger audience, that safety can be lost.

At HopeSpoken one of the things that I spoke on was that you can't judge another person's pain. I learned this about 3 years ago through various seasons of loss. I felt ashamed to be hurting so much because I had so much to be grateful for. But the truth is we all react to situations differently, we all see hurt and humanity and life through different lenses. I learned, then, that you can't judge someone else's heartache. Sometimes when we can see a whole person, their whole story... we are able to dig a little deeper and see more why they are the way they are. We can't judge how someone will act out due to pain. Or how it will shape them. How they respond to life's bumps and that is where grace comes in. I learned to extend grace to those I didn't understand...mostly because I figured if I knew their whole story, I might understand better why they were the way they were. It took years for this all to make sense to me. And maybe that is just part of the journey, us all figuring this out.

I got an email yesterday from a woman I look up to and respect and adore more than words can say. She has been a huge piece of the puzzle for me in my walk with the Lord. She poured words out in an email that were like sweet balm to my soul. I needed to be reset. I needed to look at this project again with untainted eyes, the way that I did the first time I watched the entire film. With the pureness that it began with. 


I have seen God working so much in me this past year. As I surrender to Him, He moves and He frees me. I have felt so much freedom from the fear and anxiety that has jailed me for years. And this weekend I felt so much freedom from my desire to be loved and understood by man. I have guarded my eyes better and am going to walk forward with an open heart yet in a new confidence that can only be found through Him. I think there must be a balance between n open heart, healthy conversations and then moving forward. All of this might sound like a jumble of thoughts, honestly that is what it is. Just a mess of emotion from a woman who is in the midst of being rescued. I am honored to be able to show how God can demonstrate His strength through me. 

all good things. 

"i say tenderheartedly,

you are just as jacked up as the person who has hurt you. your heart is so dark. you betray Jesus everyday and He still loves you. He doesn't wait for you to do enough to pay for your sins, so he can finally take you back. no. you enjoy grace and mercy and unmerited forgiveness. every day. actually, every hour.

and now, you get to be a mirror of the Gospel to that person. because what can they do to make up for defiling you in such a way? nothing actually. nothing would ever be good enough. would it?"
- Jami Nato


We aren't loved on a performance base- it is unconditional.
And that's why when people let us down...
we weren't supposed to put our hope in THEM but in HIM. 


 photo LINKUPBUTTON.jpg

36 comments:

  1. Love you so much sister! We truly don't deserve His grace, yet He freely gives it anyway <3

    ReplyDelete
  2. What a beautiful post. You are dealing with all of this (which I didn't even know about somehow) with grace and humility. Love your heart today.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. aw you are precious sweet friend, sure love you

      Delete
  3. When God has a plan for someone no matter how small that person is God is going to rise that person from the darkest shadow - David, Daniel and Joseph are esample of how God uses normal people to do great things in the world. I can see how God is working through you and Chris. Believe in Him and not humankind. Keep up the good work and inspiring other people

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. sister making me cry tonight.... thank you for always being such a source of love my friend

      Delete
  4. I think that you should write a book. I also think that you should go to my post I did for this link up, I know you love music, and that's what my post is. I didn't write anything, because the song sums it all up. It's one of my favorites. Also, if you could shoot me an email with your address that'd be marvelous; I want to send you something. Love you so much! Keep your chin up. Remember, the closer you come to Our Savior and Heavenly Father, the more lives and hearts you bring closer to Him..the harder Satan will try to steer you away. His power can be just as strong....the best thing we can do when we feel that tug is get on our knees and pray. Heavenly Father knows your heart and He knows how to calm it. He will always be there to comfort you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all of this sweet friend!!!

      Delete
  5. Wow. I could say so much but will just leave it at *thank you* - (and I'm saving this post of yours on days I need a reminder the most). You have been in my thoughts & prayers, Casey. XO.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Ahhhh this is so good Casey.

    I love that Jesus is revealing so much of himself + his beautiful grace to you in this season.

    & that Jami Nato, well- she's just plain smart or hears Gods heartbeat so well- or a little of both! xo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know right?! Jami is such an amazing source of wisdom for me and I know so many others as well!!!

      Delete
    2. Beautiful. Just beautiful.

      Delete
  7. casey- when i first watched the trailer, i thought, 'wow. this is my story too.' i just wanted to let you and your husband know that the trailer spoke straight to my heart.

    ReplyDelete
  8. What a blessing you are. It takes a rare heart to share as vulnerably as you do here. Especially with as larger following as you have. The more people the more complicated and political it can become.
    I am so blessed when you share the Fathers heart. We are all in need of more this vulnerability to show we are all on the same playing field and often struggling with the same things, in order that we can help each other through and point each other with sincerity to the only one who has the real peace and strength we need. This is what creates a healthy community or village as you call it :) and people are hungry for it! Blessings to you and your family. Keep it up :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. I seriously have no words for what a blessing this post is to me, how much your words are echoing what has been on my heart the past couple of weeks. I will try to find the words and email you this weekend, but for now, thank you thank you so so much! xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  10. I seriously have no words for what a blessing this post is to me, how much your words are echoing what has been on my heart the past couple of weeks. I will try to find the words and email you this weekend, but for now, thank you thank you so so much! xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  11. Casey, Your words are so lovely. God has really put it on my heart to go deeper with someone and truly get to know them even when my first impression of them is poor. Such a hard thing to do. He is truly shining bright in you. I can see it in your words. It takes courage, vulnerability and faith to put aside what seems comfortable and normal when you are in pain and instead do what brings Him glory. Thanks for sharing and encouraging others to seek him as we struggle. Just wrote about something similar and added it to the Linky list. Love you missy an OH HOW HE LOVES YOU!

    ReplyDelete
  12. love the reminder to listen and learn someone's story before judging their actions. Jesus gives us patience to sit with those who have had hard days & nights just as we do. Your words are inspiring and truthful and a breath of fresh air to me today! xo

    ReplyDelete
  13. I think it's easy to feel like this, but change isn't always bad and is parting of growing - as you already know :) It's always sad to leave little pieces of us behind in your blogging - they're from a more naive time!

    Sophie x

    http://your-girl-is-lovely.blogspot.co.uk

    ReplyDelete
  14. "we aren't supposed to put our hope in THEM but in HIM" ...thank you Casey! For reflecting Christ when it seems it would be so much easier to not. I so appreciate your continued humbleness, honesty, and vulnerability. Praying for you and your family!

    ReplyDelete
  15. I so needed to read this post right now, thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  16. 'We aren't loved on a performance base- it is unconditional.
    And that's why when people let us down...
    we weren't supposed to put our hope in THEM but in HIM.'

    This is like the most amazing thing ever. Speechless.............

    ReplyDelete
  17. YES! YES and YES!
    I've been reading the awful things people write on GOMI and as awful as they are it's never for them but for our Heavenly Father that we do anything. You are a beautiful writer and a beautiful heart.

    ReplyDelete
  18. This is so beautiful, thank you for your words. This is just what my weary soul needed right now!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Thank you for your words. This is everything my weary soul needed to hear right now!

    ReplyDelete
  20. God Bless you and your hsb and your children.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Beautiful words Casey.

    Somehow I've missed all the controversy - for which I am glad. I loved following Chris on Instagram as he traveled and filmed. I loved seeing you post as he journeyed. You are just as much a part as you held down the fort alone at home.

    I can't wait to see the whole film. The trailer was so well done and I want to hear STORIES! We each have one. We each have a God-designed one.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Reading this post reminded me of a song a friend sent me years ago. I hope it touches you the way it did for me. xoxo
    http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=AQfc7iQecw8

    ReplyDelete
  23. Casey, this is why I love your blog so much. Thank you for using your blog to glorify Jesus!

    ReplyDelete
  24. Golly, this is so humbling. So right, so true, so real. My heart ached thinking of the tender areas He continues to press into as He molds me into His likeness. It's so easy to push those things aside when the chaos of life picks up and swirls me around. Thank you for your vulnerability and willingness to not only be used by Him but to be a beacon of light shining through, displaying His strength in your journey. I'm new to stateside blogging and I must confess that it was straight up God Himself that led me to your writings. Grateful for this piece of heaven to learn from and be inspired to not only move forward with reckless abandonment, but also to plow ahead with passion and the glorious victory won for us by Him. Be blessed sister in Christ xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  25. When bad things happen we can not hear enough of the truth. I have already told you this and I will repeat: This movie, I have only heard about it a week to two ago. I LOVED what I heard about it. It seems so unique, sweet, powerful. It seems to let the world know that the blogging world is a beautiful world, it is a much needed world. So many do not have community, or they fear being in touch with people and some how they find comfort and community right here on line. You and your husband set out to do something beautiful. And even though I know so little about it… this movie just excites me SO MUCH. I hope this message reminds you of what you set out to do. I hope it reminds you of the good it has given you so far. Do not let anyone steal what you (and God) intended for good.
    Much love and may God's peace be on you.

    ReplyDelete
  26. I've been struggling too with the desire to reach others with my words and yet stay true to myself. Everyone struggles with this. The fact is that we all want to share ourselves but not lose ourselves, and that's a difficult balance. I wrote about mine here:

    http://pastedreams.wordpress.com/2014/04/05/conscious-uncoupling-dangers-of-the-blogosphere-and-why-i-write/

    I hope you will realize that the "American Blogger" feedback was not a controversy. A controversy is someone saying, "Your husband didn't really film this" or "The images are fake," etc. What I have heard are merely negative reviews. There will ALWAYS be negative people out there who want to tear you down. People who are not making art and living life to the fullest. Ignore them and keep following your dreams. It's true that "The Truth Will Out!" I love what you say about not being able to judge other people's pain too. Keep your head up. You don't owe anyone an explanation for your blog, "American Blogger," or anything else.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Casey, I check your blog every now and then because I resonate with you as one who also knows the wonder of Jesus' love, I resonate with you as one who is creative and loves husband, little ones and community. Watching from the outside (way outside -- I live in China) from my vantage point, I can see God working through the troubles you've faced all along in your story and at present. Stay strong and graceful, as you are!
    Rachel

    ReplyDelete
  28. I actually just found your blog a couple weeks ago through the American Bloggers website. I sat at my computer and looked up all 51 bloggers to see if I wanted to add any to my reading list. I added a handful and couldn't wait to get started reading. It wasn't until I watched American Blogger late last week that I realized the filmmaker was your husband. And it wasn't until I read this post today that I realized there was anything but positive words surrounding the film. My blog has never been anything spectacular and sometimes I cringe when I read old posts…but this film was a huge inspiration for me to start anew. I want to thank you and your husband for that.

    ReplyDelete