baby. 34 weeks.

July 20, 2016

I have about a thousand emotions as we get closer and closer to the end. Everyday at some point I get a wave of panic that we'll lose her.... this is the hard thing about walking through loss so many times before....I guess that nervous feeling always has that sneaky way of creeping in. 

Every sweet kick & flutter is a rush of relief, a cherished movement, a dream still intact. 

It's so bittersweet knowing this is the last time. 

Everytime I look at my growing belly or experience the beauty of LIFE inside me, I just try and seal up the feeling in my heart forever knowing it will be the last time. The end of a chapter. 

I have endless gratitude that I even got this last chance. There were many nights and days I wasn't sure if I would ever have the ability to carry a last babe. I didn't think I would get to walk this road one last time, so I have tried to cherish every single day and seal in every emotion and feeling all along the way. 

I will miss the smiles strangers give me and the funny comments from people that make us laugh, I will miss knowing that I get to carry the dream of another sweet child coming into our world, I will miss those tiny hiccups & the flutters, knowing that she is just inches from my heart and so safe and snuggled in. I will miss experiencing the miracle of LIFE within me. I will miss the kiddos kissing my belly and laughing as they feel the kicks.

I want so desperately to cherish every little baby feeling and baby thing as she grows and as we leave the baby phase forever. 

I think it's hard whether you have one or seven, to know this is for sure the last time. To walk away forever from a chapter that has been such a big part of your life and heart for almost 10 years. 

Ten years of tiny toes and diapers and nursing and pregnancies. 

We love you sweet baby girl- thankful I am able to experience it one last time through you. 
My sweet double rainbow.