being thankful in the midst of heartache.

September 04, 2011

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1. my hubby. 
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2. A Little Artsy opened and we had our first official week of classes. It went AM.AZING! God has truly blessed us with the most incredible girl to run the studio...I think she was sent straight from heaven! We already feel like she is part of our family :). So it is in GREAT hands while we are gone...not to mention LOVELY amazing volunteers, assistants, part time employees! God is good.
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3. being loved so well. so many beautiful flowers as a tribute to our beautiful addison, so many yummy meals- we are blessed and loved well. I have cried so many endless tears this week. I am not going to pretend I am okay, because I am not...but I AM going to give thanks in the midst of heartache because I am very blessed.
4. Mr Aiden has been staying up extra late with Chris and I this week...giving lots of extra snuggles. He has such a massive piece of my heart...and I don't care if I ever get it back! It's all his:).
5. Little bits (Ains) will be one September 16...shes ALMOST walking and just as sweet as ever. Her spirit is infectious. TRULY infectious, easy going, precious. I am so blessed to be these two's mama.
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6. Chris booked a few extra sessions last week and surprised me with the red hunter rain boots I have been wanting forever. He makes me smile. pics coming soon :)
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bag: Gussy Sews,
wipe case and headband: Me & My New Life

* I cried and cried reading through every single comment and email....I don't have the words to adequately say thank you...just know you blessed me. I am heartbroken. I am thankful and joyful in the midst of heartache though. xoxo

"I find beauty in not only the beautiful things in life, but the bittersweet and sad as well. To me, there is something poignantly lovely about the human experience from its splendor to its grief. God created all our emotions, not just the happy ones, and for His good purposes. That's why a good cry can feel so good. And hitting our limits forces us to look outside ourselves for a Savior. It is in the plea, when we're at our end, that we can find that which is truly life-giving. Personally, my moments of deepest grief, deepest pain, have resulted in the most beautiful seasons in my heart. I've met God more intimately in those moments than in all the other pleasant ones combined. What isn't completely lovely about that?"- Leslie


Also, when my kiddos (both aiden and ainsleigh) were in the NICU I felt like no one knew what I was going through unless they too had walked through it. In a way I feel like that now. Chris made a video about our NICU experience back when Aiden was in the hospital so people could get a tatse of what our life looked like at that time, Id love to share it...just scroll to the bottom and turn the music off to watch. Maybe, just maybe Chris will make one for baby Addison as well. 

80 comments:

  1. Hi Casey,

    Just started following your blog a few days ago. So sorry for your loss and for the heartache you are going through right now. I just wanted to say that the video was so precious. I love the end when he was smiling in his sleep. Absolute sweetness. I too have an Aidan (spelled different) who is 3 years old and a little girl who will be turning one on the 10th. They are such blessings to my life. It is an encouragement to see such reliance on God and such truth spoken from your blog. Thank you.

    Krista

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  2. So so beautiful. I have no words. Amazing video

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  3. I just realized that I left my first comment signed in under my husband's google account. :)

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  4. oh my goodness. Thank you for sharing. I was holding back tears for you all, and Aiden's smile at the 7 minute mark made them fall. :) So precious.

    xoxo.

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  5. Casey, what an amazing and beautiful person you are inside and out!!!! I have no doubt God will our out his blessing on you! ... Your photo made me smile b/c my Jude was member of the hotel a la NICU and I kept his teeny tiny little " sunglasses" from the UV machines :)

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  6. God bless you and your family. That video was amazing. Keeping you in my prayers. xoxo

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  7. Love! You radiate so much love and appreciation and it comes right back to you.

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  8. Aiden was such a cute little baby! Chris is such a talented person! And you my friend are simply amazing! Love you lots & praying for you!!

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  9. Tears are pouring down my face... that was simply one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. You and your family are in our prayers continuously. We love you xoxooxo

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  10. I have been in your shoes a few times. I'm also very blessed with my 2 babies. I know how you feel and I'm glad you have support around you. I'm sending you a hug from one momma who has been there as well. Keep your chin up girl there is something great on the othr side.

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  11. OMG my sweet casey, so many things on my heart right now.
    1. your sharing this is like a strong quiet hug to anyone who has ever been in that situation and felt alone and scared.
    2. i'm a always praying for you my friend, my heart is connected to you in a way that even surprises me because its so overflowing.
    3. you look beautiful in your pictures
    4. chris did an amazing job on that video, the shots, the editing, the music, beautiful. he is talented.

    i love you guys,
    xoxo
    ashley

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  12. oh my goodness, my heart just hurts for you in that situation with Aiden and your situation now with Addison. such a sweet video and such sweet babies i'm sure they both are and would have been. He does have even the little bitty babies in His hands. thank jesus for that.

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  13. absolutely beautiful. i love the shot of aiden smiling at the end. so sweet.

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  14. Such a gorgeous video! I hope Chris makes one for Addison. Thinking of you. Hope you are doing better soon.

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  15. Casey I was so grieved to read about your loss. Sorry I didn't comment until just now. I can't offer any words of comfort on my own, but I can offer some from our loving Savior. This is my favorite verse and I hope it blesses you:

    John 14:27
    Peace I leave you, my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your heart be troubled, and do not be afraid.

    Praying for your heart - praying that the Lord would wash His peace over you so that you are drowning in his love. God Bless.

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  16. Praying for you! What a beautiful Godly example you are of being thankful in the midst of saddness and heartche! It's ok to grieve and it's ok to not be ok...you are only human....Even Jesus Wept.... He was perfectly God, but yet human...It will take you time... Time will offer you healing, peace and hope...hope for the future....So just promise yourself after you have peace in your heartache hope for the future. Praying for you.... I am the kind of person who likes to help....so I hope in some little way this helped you! I am also praying to the Lord for you....because he will provide the perfect healing and help!

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  17. Casey, this post would be absolutely perfect to link up to my new sunday blog feature, "the good stuff sunday". I love reading what others are grateful for through their weeks! :) http://www.ahappygirl.com/2011/09/good-stuff-sunday.html

    love & light to you my friend.
    xoxoxo.
    tahnie

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  18. What an amazingly beautiful video Cas! I cried the entire time but I just love how in the end his beautiful eyes open and he smiles just like he does now. So precious. And loved that Chris used Sigur Ros in the beginning. They have such powerful music and really define through sound; what it means to be alive. So fitting for this video. Love it. Hope he makes more. One for each of your three babies. <3 thank you for sharing beautiful lady. Love you.

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  19. that video is just so tender. you are a good mama!! so strong! your babies are lucky babies!! <3

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  20. You AMAZE me so much with your loving heart and your faith!! I just ADORE you Casey!! You are truly a blessing to me and so many more!! This video is AMAZING!! Love ya girlie!!

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  21. Amazing video!!! So sweet and loving...really puts life into perspective...

    Thanks so much for sharing!

    Also...you look fantastic in my HEADBANDS and you make the WIPE CASE even more STYLISH!!! Thanks so much for the LOVE!!!

    Xo,

    Dani..

    Me and My "new" Life

    danirousseau.blogspot.com

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  22. Thank you for sharing- me and my husband went through this with our little girl, Evee. This is exacting what it was like. I no longer feel alone- thank you. Love, Jess

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  23. you are such an inspirational person with your positive outlook on life. and your family is just simply beautiful in every way. praying for you!
    Xo

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  24. that video has taken the words from me, just beautiful. you guys are so strong!

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  25. praying everyday for your family. you are all beautiful & an amazing example to all.

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  26. That video was so touching with a beautiful ending ♥ You are beautiful, inside and out!

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  27. Sweet, sweet Case! I am thankful for beautiful you! Your spirit shines through your writing, and inspires us all to love a little more.
    A part of your heart will always be in Heaven.

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  28. So many prayers and love for your family right now. Words can't even begin to comfort you right now...and so I pray instead. Much love...Marissa

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  29. Your posts are always so heart-felt, I feel like a hoo hoo even saying this, but I LOVE your crochet headband. It's adorable.

    My heart still aches for you. I didn't know your two babies were in the NICU. That must have been so tough! Thank God they're okay and thriving now. :0)

    Love your blog, love your joyful, sensitive, and honest heart.

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  30. that video was so beautiful, it brought tears to my eyes. you and your husband's love for your children really shines through this blog and it is so lovely to get to see. thank you for sharing.

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  31. Sometimes it helps just to count your blessings...
    Love you and the fam- still praying for strength and mending hearts.
    XOXO!

    torigjohnson.blogspot.com

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  32. Wow....just wow. Amazing video friend! I adore the music he picked...Praise you in this storm is a song that ALWAYS gets me and makes me cry! You guys have weathered some tough storms with these precious kiddos but God is good. His mercy is new every morning and he has a plan! Can't wait to see you in CA and give you a hug!! :) xoxo

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  33. you are beautiful - and i will continue to keep you in my prayers, love.

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  34. Casey,
    My heart hurts so much for you. I just bawled through that entire video. Our children are so so precious. Here is a song I came across tonight that I thought it might be a little balm for your heart...
    The Shape of You by Jewel
    <3 Ashley

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  35. Oh my goodness, Casey. I just looked at the sadness and grief in your eyes and felt it deeply. I lost our third baby 2 1/2 years ago, at 11 weeks, and that was one of the hardest things I have ever gone through. I pray that you will find peace in knowing that that precious baby is with Jesus. The question of "why" never seems to go away, but the grief slowly fades.

    Praying for you tonight.

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  36. Casey, I'm not a mother and I cannot even begin to imagine what you have been going through. My heart is so full for you. The video Chris made for Aiden is so sweet. I'm so sorry you've had to experience just heartache and pain as you experience motherhood, but I'm also so glad you have such sweet children to bless you. Your family is beautiful. I know you are strong. You can do this. I promise you, your Heavenly Father loves you and your family, and also your little Addison. Don't ever doubt that love, and the special plan he has for you. You and your family are in my prayers. Lots of Love. <3

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  37. I seriously am just constantly amazed by your strength. Thank you for being an amazing role model.

    themindofaginger.blogspot.com

    - Katelyn

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  38. You are such a beautiful soul, Casey!! Still praying, dear friend!! LOTS OF LOVE!! xoxoxoxo

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  39. These pictures are beautiful, not to mention so are you.
    Sending love your way.

    Vera.

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  40. So sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my prayers.

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  41. Casey, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I can't begin to imagine how hard this is for you and your family.

    A friend of mine lost their baby at 35 weeks last December. As a way of processing everything, she began a blog and I wanted to pass it on to you as you move through your grief - http://hintzclan.blogspot.com/

    love. Amy Lynn

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  42. I'm inspired to read your list here today of things you are thankful for. Grieving this kind of loss is so hard ... we've done it too many time, my hubby and I. Glad you can cry and glad there are those surrounding you with love and support. If you would like I have blogged about our last miscarriage and some of the steps and things that have helped:

    www.asijourneythroughloss.blogspot.com

    Also hope you will check out www.facesofloss.com
    www.grieveoutloud.org

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  43. Wow, that is such a great video he put together. Thank you for sharing that journey you and your family went through. I am praying for you!

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  44. been thinking about you lots, friend. i'm proud of you, so much. i'm glad you said you're not okay. grief is what it is. a heart wrenching part of ALL our lives in this broken place. Lord let your kingdom come quickly. what a sweet promise we have that one day he will wipe away EVERY tear. with His own hands. hugs. (and thx for the sweet mention)

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  45. Simply took my breath away. SUCH a beautiful video, I could feel the emotion and the love with every second. Your children are indeed blessed to have you as their parents. I am so sorry for your recent loss and I pray God continues to show his love to you as you grieve and start the healing process.
    Be blessed. X

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  46. Thanks for the honest post, Casey! I've been wondering about you and praying all the while... I'll still be praying! I'm glad God has put so many people in your life who can love you in such tangible ways :)

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  47. Casey. I'm never good at typing out long comments of what I think, but you hold a simplistic beauty. Not to mean you are simple by any means, but what I mean is it is pure and true. Blessings to you dear friend.

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  48. That video is so beautiful I loved every minute of it. In the midst of your trials sometimes you have to praise him anyhow.

    Job 13:15 Though he slay me, yet I will TRUST HIM...

    God bless you and your family :)

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  49. Your writing is so inspiring... even when you're at a low, you have the inner strength to be thankful for the blessings you still possess.

    I love reading your blog.

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  50. my heart still hurts for you & Chris & the little one who's in heaven...but! my heart is rejoicing to see you recovering so well & staying close to God through it all.

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  51. Love you sweet girl. Just read through all these posts and I am so so sorry. I'm praying for you and for healing, as well as a new restored hope, as I totally see you and Chris surrounded by 6 kiddos one day! Wish we lived closer and I could come hug your neck! I know just how sensitive this issue is, as we continue to long for a plus sign, and I'm so proud of you for speaking out about it and touching so many people. I know that there have surely been several readers that have gone through this similarly and are seeing Christ in you and feeling that encouragement. Love your sweet heart!

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  52. I'm so glad you're seeing all the goodness that surrounds you and your family. Sooo glad you found a great girl to help you at A Little Artsy. (wink wink) She really is a blessing. I'm so happy it worked out!!!

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  53. What a precious video! I was totally tearing up. How amazing the way God works :) Love you so much, friend, and you are still in my prayers.

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  54. I love your attitude towards life, and what a beautiful video!

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  55. Such a beautiful post, praise God He's bringing you through this with such wisdom (though I know it's still not easy at all). You are being such an amazing ambassador of Him in your thankfulness to Him in spite of your trials! To God be the glory.

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  56. I started following you blog a month or so ago. I am blown away. You're are an amazing woman and mother and wife. You have so much faith, and I really admire that. I just wanted to share one of my beliefs with you. I really believe that mother's who lose their young ones will be able to raise them in the next life. I know you will not miss out on raising sweet Addison. You will love it and you will understand why you had to wait.

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  57. THANK YOU so much for sharing. Having been through a miscarriage, it is so nice to read the story of others.

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  58. What a beautiful video. My first born, Kiah, was born a month premature because of a condition I get when I am pregnant called Intrahepatic Cholestasis of Pregnancy. She has to be in the NICU for a week. It was so hard to see her there and ever harder to leave the hospital without her. It was heartbreaking.
    Watching that video brought tears to my eyes and I had goosebumps the whole time. I love that song too "Praise You in this Storm". You have such a beautiful family, and you have such a beautiful heart and great faith. Thank you for being so open and real, sharing your story and being an inspiration. Giving strength in the midst of a storm can be so hard to do, but it shows humility. The Bible Says Blessed are the Humble. Much Hugs to you!

    ~Maria-Isabel

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  59. casey, thank you for being such a beautiful example and inspiration of praising god in the midst of trials and hardship. you are ministering to so many and blessing them with your raw-ness, authenticity and trust in the one who is writing your story. i wish i could give you a great big hug, even though i've never even met you! been praying for you and will continue to.

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  60. I just started following your blog a few weeks ago. I am so sorry for your loss. I am praying for your family during this time. Your video had me in tears.

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  61. oh my word. that video.

    it hit close to home and goodness, us parents are so so so so so so so so vulnerable when our little ones are in the world, aren't we?! when parker was under the bilirubin lights i remember (it wasn't very long ago!) being utterly despondent and wanting to hold him and not being able to... thank god for aiden's health! and all of your health. hoping your days are getting brighter casey :)

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  62. This video is so amazing! My husband and I just had triplet girls and they are currently in the NICU. By far the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. But, watching your video made me so hopeful about the journey ahead. I can't wait for the day we get to to hold the girls and just be cuddled up with them in our arms. Thanks for posting this video!

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  63. Whoa. What an amazing video.

    God works in awesome ways.

    :)

    Erin

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  64. I have chills just watching the first first seconds of this video...Our daughter also was in the NICU...she will be 2 in November and I feel more than honored that I was allowed to be her mommy. I think it is amazing that you are taking the time to be thankful when you are in a difficult time and to put it out there openly. What an inspiration..you truly are blessed. =) Keep your chin up girl and may time do/heal what no words can...

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  65. You are a wonderful inspiring a amazing woman Casey! I wish I could reach out a give you a little hug right now :)

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  66. What a beautiful video. I loved when Aiden smiled! So cute!

    So sad to read about your loss, Sending prayers your way.

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  67. Casey,
    I am a new follower and I am absolutely awe-struck. I already look up to you in so many ways. I admire your strength, your positive attitudes, and most importantly, your faith in God. Thanks for the reminder to keep on going when times are tough.

    -Kate

    mommakatepala.blogspot.com

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  68. oh my heavens, that first photo is SO striking. you are gorgeous. love your outfit and esp your headband. I appreciated your take on faith. Really resonates with me! Thanks for sharing, darling. <3 www.rubygirlblog.com

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  69. So powerful! So amazing!!! Thank you for sharing.

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  70. I am so sorry Casey. Your faith is such a strength to me and I so appreciate you being open to all of us strangers....thank you for sharing all of your emotions. I can't even imagine all the feelings in your heart but my prayers and love are with you.

    "and, lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world." - Matthew 28:20

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  71. what a beautiful video - so sweet!

    praying for you...

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  72. I really needed a good cry...thank you for sharing. This gave me the chills. I too miscarried at the beginning of August only it was the first time I've ever been pregnant and had been trying for some time. My hopes were up and I was so excited and instantly clung to that little life, but it wasn't what my Heavenly Father had planned for me. I would give anything to have that life with me still...I wish I were as a brave as you to give it a name. Your babies are beautiful! I hope one day, when I finally become a mother that mine can be just as beautiful.

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  73. such a blessing that you are still able to find good amidst the darkness. there is light, and God is Good.

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  74. I just stumbled onto your inspiring and faith-provoking blog through Sydney's - The Daybook today. I have been looking for a little perspective today and I wanted to share a quick thought with you regarding the little one you recently lost. My heat sincerely goes out to you! In my religion, (LDS / "Mormon" Church) we learn that the reason we come to this earth is to gain a body and be tested to see if we will follow God. When a sweet little spirit gains their body and doesn't have to go through all those heartaches and tests, we believe that that little one has already been such a valiant member of God's Team, His army, that they have already proven themselves as a true follower. They have already learned the lessons that you and I have to come here in order to learn. They are the spiritual giants we are trying to work our way up to.

    I promise to you with all of my heart that that your angel will be with you, especially during the hard times, to help you be strong and be the woman God has in mind. Little do you know, when you find yourself in heaven some day after many, many memories are made, you will be able to look back on your life and see all the times your angel was with you and reailze it was far more often than you could have imagined.

    Lovely video of your sweet Aiden. I had to work very hard to stop the tears from rolling down my desk.


    All my best!
    Stacie

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  75. I just stumbled onto your inspiring and faith-provoking blog through Sydney's - The Daybook today. I have been looking for a little perspective today and I wanted to share a quick thought with you regarding the little one you recently lost. My heat sincerely goes out to you! In my religion, (LDS / "Mormon" Church) we learn that the reason we come to this earth is to gain a body and be tested to see if we will follow God. When a sweet little spirit gains their body and doesn't have to go through all those heartaches and tests, we believe that that little one has already been such a valiant member of God's Team, His army, that they have already proven themselves as a true follower. They have already learned the lessons that you and I have to come here in order to learn. They are the spiritual giants we are trying to work our way up to.

    I promise to you with all of my heart that that your angel will be with you, especially during the hard times, to help you be strong and be the woman God has in mind. Little do you know, when you find yourself in heaven some day after many, many memories are made, you will be able to look back on your life and see all the times your angel was with you and reailze it was far more often than you could have imagined.


    All my best!
    Stacie

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  76. how did i miss this post! i agree with what you have said, while you may not feel okay, it is truly amazing how your heart can be overflowing with thankfulness at the same time. it sounds like you have an amazing support, and i am so glad you do!!! we had our beautiful church family surround us with meals, flowers and company and it just helped. i'll never ever forget that they were there. thinking of you casey, and hope your days are slower getting brighter with healing on the horizon. xoxoxo

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  77. I love your video. And I relate. I had a NICU baby this year.

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  78. This beautiful video brings back so many memories, both beautiful and heart-throbbingly sad. Your love for your children is seen, heard,elt and felt. my heart aches and is so heavy, yet so very grateful that sometimes the lord works in miraculous ways... We are so very blessed to gain experience and knowledge from these experiences, because the pain and all that which words will never describe... Turn us to others, to be example of Christ and continue to work miracles in His name, in our children's names. But boy it is a difficult journey, I tend to celebrate and enjoy the littlest things, like I never have before. I'll never forget, I couldn't... I'm forever and ever changed... Saved from the wordly ways and I am eternally grateful, again, so so glad to have 'met' you! Keep shining!

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